Baby Brother
by ToKeepFromGoingUnder
Summary: A tragedy in Cal's life leads he, Gillian, and Emily all to England, but some old friends were never meant to be found.
1. Baby Brother

'Bye Cal." She said, kissing his cheek.

His whole face turned a dark shade of red and he smiled, "Bye Lisa." She turned and walked to her father's car.

Cal smiled and stared at the ground as he walked away, "Who's that pretty little girl?"

"Shut up Collin." Cal hissed madly.

"Oh, baby brother has a girlfriend, does he?" Collin asked with a laugh. Cal glared at him and he laughed again, "Am I supposed to be scared? Don't forget that you're nine."

Cal kicked a rock on the ground and said, "You're not much older."

"You've forgotten, haven't you?" Cal shrugged and he chuckled, "I'm thirteen today! You can't forget my bloody birthday! I am officially a teenager!" Collin exclaimed.

Cal nodded, "Oh yeah. Happy birthday." He said with a small smile.

"What's wrong baby brother?" Collin asked, throwing an arm around Cal's neck and pulling him close. They continued to walk down the sidewalk, searching for their ride.

"Do you think Lisa likes me?" Cal asked, innocently looking up at Collin.

"Well, you are quite the charmer." Collin said in thought, "Yeah, I'm sure she does."

Cal smiled and then stopped and stared at the car in front of them, "Where's mum?" He asked.

Collin looked at the car that was occupied by their father, "Oh, yeah. She's in the hospital again."

Cal sighed, "Why?"

"You know why." Collin said.

"Collin."

"She's depressed. You know that. She isn't happy. She is trying to get happier." Collin said with a shrug.

"Why isn't she happy? Do we make her mad or sad?"

"No. It's just... it's like she's sick, but a little bit different." Collin opened the door for his little brother and then jumped in front with his father, "School was good." He answered his father's usual question.

.:.

Cal stared at the file in front of him. He was bored and looking for something interesting, He almost fell out of his chair when his cellphone rang loudly, "Lightman." He said, answering it.

"Hey baby brother. I'm in town, thought I might stop by and see my niece." Collin said happily.

"You are in town? Bloody hell, you live in London. What are you doing in D.C?" Cal asked, looking out the window.

"Vacation. Thought it might be nice to stop in with my only family."

"Nah, you have a wife."

"Yeah, she's coming along. Aren't ya love?"

Cal heard a woman mumble something in the background and he smiled, "Alright I'll see you in...?"

"Baby brother!" Collin yelled as he walked into Cal's office. He slipped his phone into his pocket and swooped Cal into a hug.

Cal laughed and hugged him back, patting Collin's back, "You came just for the hell of it, yeah?"

Collin chuckled and nodded, "Indeed I did. Now where is the lovely Emily?"

"She will be here in... about twenty minutes. She's on her way back from school."

Collin nodded and fell onto the couch, "Oi! Lisa! Come see your old boyfriend."

Cal glared at Collin and then smiled at the beautiful woman who slowly walked in. He kissed her on the edge of the lips and hugged her, "It's nice to see you again love."

She smiled, "The pleasure is all mine."

"Oh Cal, my darling partner, I have another boring - whoops." She stared at the other two adults in the room and blushed, "I.. I'm sorry."

"When did I become your darling partner?' Cal asked with a smile.

She gave him a look that she knew only he could read, "I was lightening the mood, because this is a really boring case." She smiled and slapped the file down in front of him.

"Oh gross." He shoved it to the edge of his desk and fell onto his chair, and stared at the ceiling.

Gillian awkwardly stood with Lisa and glanced around the room. Collin sat on the couch, staring at Gillian, "You gonna introduce us, baby brother?" He asked impatiently.

Cal looked at him and then to Gillian, "Sorry love." He said to her with a smile, "This is Gillian, my best friend and my business partner. This is my older brother Collin and his wife Lisa." Cal said, gesturing to the couple. Lisa had joined Collin on the couch and smiled.

"It's nice to meet you." Gillian said happily. She turned and pointed to the file, "It'll be the death of me. Have fun." She winked and was gone.

"Oh dad!" Emily said, running into the room, ignoring Collin and Lisa on the couch, "I got an A+ on my AP Chem test!"

"That's great." Cal said, taking the test and examining it, "Good job darling. Now look around."

"Huh?" She asked, "Uncle Collin!" She exclaimed. He had stood up and opened his arms with a smile. She threw her arms around him and buried her face in his chest, "Why are you here?"

"An uncle can't just show up to see his niece?"

"Not when he lives in London."

"Eh, Lisa and I were in town, thought we would stop by." He smiled.

Lisa hugged Emily as well and said, "It's very nice to see you. You look just like your father."

"I know! It sucks." She said, laughing at Cal's hurt expression.

.:.

"Baby brother. You gonna bring 'ome your girlfriend so I can meet her, yeah?" Collin asked, leaning back on his chair and smiling at his father.

"Down. Don't break my chair Collin." His father ordered.

"Yeah, she's comin' over tomorrow." Cal said, taking a seat at the table and taking a bite of his dinner.

"Nice. Is she that little Lisa girl from fourth grade?"

Cal nodded with a small smile, "Yeah. I didn't even ask until you were off for college. Couldn't bring myself to."

Collin laughed, "You been together for two years now?" Cal nodded, "So you got with her when you were fourteen?" Another nod, "That's cool."

:::

"Hello Collin." Lisa said sweetly, shaking his hand.

"'Ello." Collin smiled and winked at Cal, "She's changed alot since fourth grade, yeah?"

Cal nodded and took Lisa's hand, "Let's go."

"Don't stay out too late now." His father said as they walked out the door.

**A/N: JUST in case you were wondering... this chapter was SUPPOSED to be really confusing! and it was ALL flashbacks! the first one was Cal and his brother Collin when Cal was nine and Collin was 13... the next was a couple months ago and the last was when Cal was 16 and Collin was 20... and trust me I have big plans for this so just stay with me, and no you have NO CLUE what will happen... actually... Jojo... you might know what, but that doesn't matter! Just read the next chapter please!**


	2. That is Not Possible

**A/N: So here is a little help with understanding!**

THE PRESENT

Cal stared at Gillian with a small smile. "Twelve times out of ten they just-"

"Cal, you just said twelve times out of ten."

"Yeah... and?" He asked, furrowing his brow.

"There isn't twelve times in ten!" She laughed and he shook his head, "Wow Cal. Can twelve fit into ten?"

"Oh..." He mumbled with a smile.

"Whatever... anyway. I need you to look over that file. It's confusing me."

"Little Ms. Perfect isn't so perfect anymore?" He asked, taking out his ringing phone.

"Oh please. Be nice." She said with a smile. She sat back and drank her coffee as he answered his phone.

"Lightman." He said in a rough voice.

She was amazed by how he could change his voice so quickly. He was friendly and funny and warm when he talked to people he knew well, but then if he didn't know them, or wasn't sure, then he would be all rough and sound like a grouch. She smiled. It made her happy that he had a warm and gentle voice when he talked to her or Emily or other close people.

"What?" He asked.

She stared at him. It looked like he had just been shot. He was leaned over the restaurant table with his mouth hanging open, "That is not... no... but..." He was shaking his head quickly, "He wouldn't do that!" He yelled, drawing the attention of other people.

"Cal, calm down." Gillian said, putting a hand on his arm.

He yanked it away and hissed into the phone, "That is not possible. Collin would never do that." He insisted.

Gillian thought for a minute. Collin? His brother? What would he never do? What happened? She had a handful of questions and she wanted him to hurry up and hang up.

"Was there a note?" He asked hurriedly, "What did it say? Just tell me now! Holy shit... I can't... why would he...? I'll be there in..." He flipped through a couple pages in his calendar and then looked though his phone, "How long? Two weeks? I'll stay a little longer... yeah... I'l clear my schedule. So, I'll be there in about three days. I have to tell Em and..." He trailed off. He rubbed his face and shook his head, staring at the ground, "Why did he do it love?"

Gillian was so confused now. She had no clue what happened. He would be going out of town? For a little over two weeks? Why would he do what? He had to tell Em?

"Yeah I know... I will... well... yeah... how is Lisa taking it?"

Lisa... Collin's wife? Yeah, that's it. Oh, she wish she was listening to this phone call. He had a very painful look on his face and he was now rubbing the back of his neck. She would say she saw a micro-expression of sadness, but it wasn't a fleeting expression. It was staying there.

"Alright... I'll be there in a couple days." He sighed and hung up, "Sorry, love, but I gotta go." He grabbed his jacket and pushed in his chair.

"You can't just NOT tell me what happened Cal." She said with a frown.

"I'll tell you later, but I really need to go right now."

"You can't just tell me now?" She asked, standing up as well.

"Later." He called out as he jogged from the restaurant.

.:.

Cal ran his hand through his hair. He stared at the door, waiting for Emily to come in. He had called her out of school early. It probably wasn't necessary, but he felt it was. Gillian walked in and stared at him, "You ditched me at lunch... can I know now?" She put her hands on her hips and stared at him.

He sighed and shook his head, "I'll tell you when Emily gets here. I would rather not repeat it."

It was that bad? She could see the pain in his eyes. The sadness. The regret. The madness. The remorse. She wasn't sure what the hell could have possibly happened, but it he was showing some pretty strong feelings.

.:.

FLASHBACK

Cal stared at him mother with a small smile, "Mommy!" He exclaimed, throwing his arms around her waist.

She had just gotten back from the hospital and it was exciting to see her again. She had been in and out for the past two years and they said she might finally be able to stay home. Cal was only 10 so he didn't know what she had been doing. Collin had told him that she was trying to kill herself, but Cal would never believe that... no way.

"Oh, Cal." She said, falling to her knees so she could see him better. She kissed his forehead and smiled, "You've grown so much."

"You look happier mommy." He said with such a smile that made his cheeks look big.

"Oi! Baby brother!" Collin called out from the car. He was sitting there with his headphones in, watching the small reunion that he and his mother were having. He knew what their mom had been doing and he wasn't happy with it. He was a little pissed at her, but it was really nice to see her again.

"What?" Cal asked, turning away from their mother to see Collin.

"You gotta hear this song."

"Wait." Cal said, a little annoyed. He smiled at his mom and gave her another hug.

"Go ahead darling."

"Who is it?" Cal asked as he walked over to the car.

"It's The Beatles. Dad said he might get us tickets!" He gave Cal one earbud and they stood there, listening to the song.

"That's a good one, but my favorite is still All Together Now." Cal smiled and got into the car, "Do you have that one?"

"Oh, baby brother. You know better than to ask me that." Collin laughed and turned All Together Now on for Cal.

"Thanks." Cal whispered, listening intently.

.:.

"Dad! Tristen was flirting with me! You HAD to take me out then?" Emily asked with a hint of annoyance in her voice, "What could possibly be so important that you had to take me out of school?" She asked, leaning against his desk.

"Emily this is very important and I need you to treat it like it is." He said with a small frown.

"Alright. I'm sorry." She could see the distress on his face and sat down, "What's wrong?" She wiped some hair from her face and sat on her hands, watching him intently.

**A/N: Tehe, it's really fun to leave you hanging! I don't think I will be able to update tonight, but maybe tomorrow, unless my hands are like little hummingbirds and can type up the chapters REALL SUPER DUPER FAST! Thanks for reading!**


	3. Suicide

**A/N: Well here ya go!**

"You know Uncle Collin?"

She smiled and nodded, "Yeah, he's hilarious and awesome." She said happily.

"He committed suicide." Cal whispered, looking at the ground.

Gillian's hand went to her mouth and Emily gasped, "What?" She couldn't believe it. It had been the same reaction that her father had given. She stared at him and shook her head, "He was always so happy. He would never do that. I..."

He stepped forward and pulled her into a hug, "I know love, I have no clue why he did it."

She looked up at him, "Don't try to figure this one out dad."

Gillian knew exactly what Emily was saying. It wasn't his fault. She would have to tell him that as well.

He stared at Emily and then sat down again, "We are going to England in three days. Tell your teachers that you are going to a funeral and will be gone for about two and a half weeks."

"Why so long?"

"There are a lot of preparations and I need to be there early. Alright?" He wanted this to be quick and he was on the edge of tears. He wouldn't break down in front of them though. He stared at Emily and she nodded.

"Alright." She hugged him again and let a couple tears fall, "Why would he do that?"

"I don't know love... I don't know." He whispered, wiping the tears from her face.

Emily was soon gone and on her way to school again to tell her teachers. They would be leaving on Thursday. What a horrible way to start off the week. She already hated Mondays...

Cal fell onto his chair and buried his face in his hands. Gillian walked over and placed a hand on his back, "Cal... I am so sorry." She rubbed his back lightly and he didn't move.

"You know what I don't get?" He asked, furrowing his brow.

"What?" She asked.

"I don't see why he would do that. He was such a happy guy, he was never sad. He was never mad. He was always helping other people and everybody loved him... I just don't get it..." He whispered.

"Cal... this wasn't your fault."

"What if it's because I wasn't there for him? I should have seen that he was sad... that he was depressed... I should have known that he wasn't doing well Gill!" He insisted, his face red.

She shook her head, "Cal... suicides happen everyday... you can't blame yourself." She leaned on the desk and put a hand on his shoulder, "Don't blame yourself."

He nodded, but ignored what she was saying. Bloody hell! Of course he was going to blame himself! His brother committed suicide and they were extremely close! Why hadn't he seen it? "He has been there for me every single day of my life, in good times and in bad, but I couldn't be there for him... so he committed suicide? What the bloody hell is wrong with me?" He asked, running a hand through his hair.

"Cal." She whispered sternly, "You cannot blame yourself. There was no way that anyone could have known." She whispered. How was she supposed to handle this? She hadn't known Collin very well. She didn't know what he was like. She sighed and made a weak smile, "Just treat it like a normal death."

"Why don't I get depressed then? Mum did and she killed herself... and now Collin did and killed himself. What is different with me? Dad was depressed too... never to suicide, but what is wrong with me?" He asked with a frown.

"Nothing is wrong with you. You are just very blessed."

"So was he and so was mum! He had the most beautiful girl in the world! I would have married her if he hadn't taken her away from me. And mum had me and Collin and dad and I just don't get this. What happened in his life that changed everything?" There was no use in stopping him. Gillian knew that he was determined to figure this out.

"Your mother did that because she was sick." Gillian said with a serious face.

"Then why did Collin do it?" He asked coldly, "Because he sure as hell wasn't sick. He was the happiest man I knew and he had an amazing life. Do you have a psychotic explanation for that?"

She sighed and shook her head, "No. I don't. Who knows? You will never find out, so just drop it now."

He stared at her and shook his head, "No. You don't get it." He stood up and combed through his hair again, "I am leaving on Thursday. I hope you can hold the fort for a couple weeks. I am going to go tell the troops." He made a weak smile and disappeared from his office.

She stared at the ground and looked up quickly, "Take me with you." He was gone by now. She sighed and it was final. She was going to go with him. But why? She wanted to be there for him as a best friend.

.:.

"Loker. Torres. Ben. I need to talk to you." Cal said, bursting through the door of the lab.

Loker spun on his chair and smiled, "What's up?"

Torres sensed that there was a problem and stared at him without a word.

"What?" Ben asked, laying down a file and looked at him.

"I will be leaving on Thursday and will be gone for about two and a half weeks. No questions. Foster is in charge." He started to turn around, but Ben grabbed his arm.

"You can just say no questions! You have a business to run. You can't just leave for two weeks without an explanation." Ben insisted.

"Yeah, that's a little bit unfair." Loker added in, "Am I allowed to just ditch for a couple weeks? As long as I tell someone?" He said sarcastically.

"Seriously. Why are you leaving?"

"I would rather not talk about it."

"Well you will or you aren't leaving." Ben said with a shrug.

"Yeah... I know that you are the boss and all, but that is just total BS... you can't just leave us here without explaining why. That would be like... taking my taco, but not telling me why and just leaving. It would be like-"

"My brother died and I need to be there for the funeral. I am sorry that I would rather not talk about his suicide." Cal hissed madly. He turned around and slammed the door shut behind him

Torres stared at Loker and raised her eyebrows, "That'll show you to be a smart-ass."

Ben rubbed the back of his neck and sat down, "I didn't know." He whispered.

Gillian walked in and said, "Where is Cal?"

Ben looked up, "I didn't know."

"Oh stop feeling bad for yourself." Loker said, lightly shaking his head, "He went out that door." He pointed and said, "So... you'll be head chief for a while?"

Gillian ignored him and walked out.

"Lovely." Loker mumbled, spinning back and getting back to his work.

.:.

"Cal." She said, walking into the cafe area.

"What?" He asked.

"I want to go with you. To London." She said in a hard voice.

He turned to look at her. His face was red, but she knew that he hadn't been crying. He wanted to though. She could tell. "Why?" He asked. She could hear the pain in his voice. She wanted to hug him, but that wuld be inappropriate right now.

"Because-"

"Cal." She spun around to the unfamiliar voice and her mouth fell open. She recognized that man.

**A/N: Oh snap! What man? MHM! Well tomorrow is another Lie to Me! Leave comments and guesses of who the man is.**


	4. Anthony

**A/N: Thank you for reading.**

Cal stared beyond Gillian's shoulders at the old man standing in the doorway. "Why are you here?" He asked coldly. He had no inention of it to be nice.

The man ran a hand through his grey and white hair and managed a small smile. He could tell that Cal wasn't going to do anything before he did so he looked to her, "Ah, Gillian. How nice it is to see you." He gave her a genuine smile and shook her hand.

Gillian shook his hand, but felt numb. She was so confused. She turned to look at Cal and saw the look he was giving the man. It seemed to be pure hatred. But why?

"Why are you here?" Cal asked again, with the same tone of hate.

"I thought I would come to see you, because this is hard for all of us."

"Oh and now you decide to be here for me? Because for the rest of my life you never were? You think that you can just show up randomly after my brother kills himself and it will all be okay? You think that you can just come and 'comfort' me and I will forget how you were NEVER there for all the other hard times in my life? Well good luck with that shit, because I'm not buying it." Cal hissed madly.

The man stared at the ground and bit his lip. "I am sorry Cal-"

"No. Don't even try to apologize, because it won't make up for all the years that you weren't there. It won't fix all the times that mom went to the hospital and you just sat at home and drank! It won't make up for how you hated Collin and me. It won't make up for how Collin always had to protect me from your fist. Just leave, because I do not want you in my life right now."

He started to open his mouth, but Cal held up his hand, "Actually... I don't want you in my life at all."

"Cal. Listen to me. I know that it is hard. It's hard for me too! But you can't just push everyone that wants to help you away."

"I am NOT pushing everyone away! It's YOU that I am pushing away because you are a horrible father!" Cal yelled madly.

"Who is helping you then, because I know that you cannot deal with this on your own." His dad said. He didn't seem to be fazed at all from what Cal said.

Gillian stood up and walked over quickly. Cal couldn't deny it in front of his father, "I am and I am going to London with him as well."

Cal stared at her and gave her a look that said 'don't do this.' She smiled and looked to his father, "I am so sorry, but I forgot your name."

Cal's father stared at her and cleared his throat, "Um, it's Anthony." He said.

"Oh, thank you." She smiled and turned to Cal, "Aren't I going with you?"

His eyes widened and he slightly shook his head, but her smile only grew and he looked to Anthony and saw the doubting expression, "Yes she is." He smiled at his father and put a hand on Gillian's shoulder.

Anthony stared at the couple and cleared his throat, "Keep and eye on him. I don't want to lose him as well." He whispered to Gillian. He then turned around and was gone.

She turned to Cal and he walked away quickly, "Why would you do that?" He hissed.

She stared at him and said, "Because I want to go with you."

"You put me in a situation where I couldn't say now." He said madly.

"Cal I-"

"Why the bloody hell would you do that to me?" He asked, walking very close and getting into her face.

She backed away quickly and took a deep breath, "I'm sorry."

"No, you're sorry because I'm mad. You are happy that you get to go anyway and that I can't do anything, because if I do my dad will try to get close to me. You put me in a corner! That was NOT fair." He put a finger in his face and frowned.

"Would you rather I was getting close to you or HE was?" She asked, pointing to the door.

Cal looked over and then turned back to her, "You used him to get your way." He said coldly.

She looked to the ground, "I am sorry Cal. I just want to be there as a friend. I want to be there for you, because you have been there for me. Is that too much to ask?" She put a hand on his shoulder and to her surprise he didn't shake it off.

He looked to her and sighed. He didn't say anything. He was still mad at her. But truth be told he was happy to have her going with him, because he wasn't sure how to ask. He fell onto his chair and sighed again. He wasn't sure what to say now so he just closed his eyes and pretended to fall asleep.

She nodded and rubbed the back of her neck, "I will talk to you later." He grunted and she left.

.:.

"Where's mum?" Cal asked, throwing his backpack onto the table.

Collin looked up at Cal and shook his head. His eyes were red and puffy and it was obvious that he had been crying, "Baby brother..." He said, trying to sound fun and happy.

Cal stared at him, "Where is she? Where's dad?"

"At the hospital." Collin whispered.

"Both of them?"

Collin nodded, "Not at the mental hospital though... the real hospital."

Cal frowned. He didn't understand, "Why? Did she get in a car crash or somethin'?"

Collin shook his head and stood up, "She tried to take her life."

"What?" He still didn't understand. "Why, why would she do that?"

Collin sighed and put a hand on Cal's little shoulder, "She wasn't happy Cal."

"So she killed herself?" He asked madly.

"Tried." He corrected him.

Cal dropped his head, "Why would she do that? She isn't THAT sad. Why would she try to kill herself, Collin? She was happy. Didn't she love us? DOESN'T she love us?" He had a frustrated look and Collin sighed.

"You just don't understand. You aren't old enough." He said with, staring at the ground.

"Well help me understand Collin! All you ever do is tell me that I am no old enough! I want to know what is going on with mum! What are you and dad hiding from me?" Cal yelled madly.

Collin stared at him and then pulled him into a hug, "Dad will explain when he gets home, alright?" He kissed the top of Cal's head and held him.

"Sorry I yelled..." Cal said with a whimper.

"It's okay." Collin assured him.

.:.

Cal stared out the window, his hands buried in his pockets. Collin's image kept flashing through his head. When they were kids. When he came to visit. When Emily met him. When he met Gillian. All of those times. How he wished he could have been there for his only brother. If only he could have been there to stop him, like he should have been there for his mother.

He sighed and turned around to see Torres standing at the door, "What?" He asked tiredly.

"Um. You're father wants to have a civil conversation with you." She whispered.

"And he sent you in here?" He asked with frown.

She nodded.

"Bloody prick. I'll be there in a minute." He shook his head and shut down some things that he was doing on the computer.

**A/N: Hmm... What does Anthony want to say to Cal? That was mostly an emotional chapter, the next one will... probably be emtional as well... most of this story will, just wait until they get to London and something very interesting will happen. Well leave comments!**


	5. How Old is Emily?

Cal stared at his father with a doubting look. He knew that they would not be able to talk without fighting. "What?" He asked in a thick British accent.

"I am just as sad as you are and I want to be here for you." Anthony's voice along with the accent mirrored Cal's. It was obvious that they were related.

"Well I don't need you here for me. I have a daughter and a partner and an ex-wife-" Cal began listing.

"You and Zoe separated?" Anthony asked with a frown.

Cal sighed, "That was four years ago." He said in a cold voice.

"Why?"

"Ask her because I am not quite sure." He said with a hint of regret that his father somehow picked up.

Anthony looked at the ground and nodded, "Well I am sorry to hear that, but-"

"How old is Emily?" Cal asked with a challenging gaze.

His father looked back and itched his head, "Cal-"

"Don't 'Cal' me... I get enough of that here. How old is my daughter?" He asked madly.

Anthony sighed and sat down, "I don't-"

"Bloody hell! You could at least guess?" He suggested in a sarcastic tone.

Anthony rubbed the back of his neck and looked up to Cal. With a shrug he whispered, "14?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Cal spat at him, turning around and putting his hands on his head to take a deep breath, "She is turning 17 in a couple months! You don't even know your ONLY granddaughters age?"

Anthony shook his head, "Well I am sorry that you push yourself away from me!" He yelled.

Cal spun around and got into his father's face, "Because you were never there for me. Once mom died you just started drinking and then you ruined my life! Mine AND Collins! Why would I want to go back and talk to you after my horrible childhood?" His brow furrowed and he took a deep breath. "You ruined my life when I was younger... do you really think that I would want to go crawling back to you so you could make it worse? Don't flatter youself." Cal hissed.

He ran a hand through his silky hair and stared at his father's hair that was as white as snow. "Cal." Anthony whispered strongly, "I know. I was - am - a horrible father and all I want is to be here for you and my daughter-in-law."

Cal stared at him and shook his head, "I have to go." He sighed and then disappeared out the door o the lab.

Anthony watched him walk away and sighed. He stood up and ran into Gillian on the way out, "Can I talk to you?"

She had a doubting expression that she covered up quickly, "Of course." She whispered. He held the door open for her and then sat down at Loker's desk, "What?" She didn't want to do this. She knew of the harsh feelings that he and Cal had. She didn't want to get in the middle of them.

"How is Cal?" His voice was sincere; concerned.

She stared at him and soon sat down across from him and smiled lightly, "I haven't had much time to talk to him." She whispered, "He has always been good at hiding his feelings, so it's hard for anyone to tell. He is in pain though. Anybody would be."

Anthony nodded and ran a hand through his cloud-like hair. "You'll keep an eye on him. Be there for him?" It sounded more like an order rather than a question.

Good thing that she was feeling the same way. A simple nod and then a whisper, "Of course."

"I will see you on Friday?"

"Or Saturday." She said with a small shrug.

He nodded and stood up, "Thank you." He smiled was disappeared the same way that Cal had.

.:.

"Hey, baby brother! How ya' doing?" Collin asked with a smile that lit up the living room.

Cal dropped his backpack on the couch and returned the smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes, "Lisa doesn't like me."

Collin frowned and showed a look of dismay, "How do you know that?"

Cal stared at him and then sat down on the couch, right beside his backpack. He peered in and soon pulled out a piece of paper that was folded at least four time. Cal sheepishly passed it over to Collin and stared at the ground.

"What's this?" Collin asked, slowly unfolding the paper.

"A not that I found on the floor."

Collin cleared his throat and looked at it, "Dear Lisa."

Cal winced.

"Do you like me? Check yes or no. From Max. And... yes is checked. I'm sorry Cal." Collin leaned back on the couch and refolded the paper, "That doesn't mean that she doesn't like you too."

"They are going out."

"They are ten, just like you." Collin said with a reassuring grin, "You have plenty of time to win her back before she and Max get married."

"They might get MARRIED?" Cal asked with a terrified look.

Collin laughed and shook his head, "No, No... it was a joke. I was kidding, don't worry." Collin ruffled his hair and stood up, "I'm going out with some friends."

"Can I come along?"

"Sorry, no. We are seeing a movie that you can't see. I will tell you all about it. Mum's gonna be home tonight." He smiled and reached his hand into his pocket, digging out a small package, "I got you some cookies." His smile grew, as did Cal's.

"Thanks." Cal opened it and pulled his feet onto the couch. He grabbed the remote and turned on the TV as he began to eat his cookies.

Collin slipped out and was gone.

.:.

Cal stared at the wall. He couldn' help, but let his mind fall back to the amazing memories he had had with Collin. He shook his head and stood up quickly. Right as he began to walk out of his office he ran into Gillian, "I'm going home." He said in a rough voice that quivered a bit.

She put a hand on his chest and then unexpectedly hugged him, "I am really sorry. I shouldn't have put you on the spot like that."

He stood there stiffly, but eventually brought his hands to the small of his back and pulled her into him, "I am happy that you are coming." He whispered.

She buried her face in his strong chest and took a deep breath. She nodded against him and looked up, "I am too." She smiled and he just stared back at her.

"How well did you know him?" Cal asked her curiously.

"I only met him a couple times, but he was a great man. A pleasure to be around." She noticed that he hadn't let go of her. He was still holding her tightly to his body.

He didn't notice. He just loved the sense of warmth he got with her body so close to his. She started the hug. He would end it when he felt it was time. "He was always a pleasure to be around." Cal whispered, staring at the wall thoughtfully.

She bit her lip and awkwardly stood in his arms. _As long as he is comfortable. _She thought.

He looked down at her and pulled away quickly, "I'm sorry."

"No." She said just as fast, "You should go home." She whispered after clearing her throat, "It's late."

He nodded and ran a hand through his hair, "Goodnight Gillian."

She smiled and nodded and watched as he walked out.

**A/N: AWWW cute scene with Gill and Cal! PLease leave reviews and thanka for reading!**


	6. Venlafaxine

**A/N: My favorite part is when Emily thinks that Cal is the strongest man in the world.**

She couldn't help but let the tear roll down her face. She stared at him. He reached out to wipe the tear away and she smiled weakly, "I don't..." She couldn't say it. It would break his heart. She couldn't ask. It would break his heart. She couldn't say anything that had to do with the suicide. It would break his heart.

Cal stared at her and moved beside her and kissed her head, "You can ask anything Emily." He assured her.

She shook her head.

"Seriously." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and tightened his grip, pulling her small body into his chest. His lips found her forehead and her rubbed her arm.

"How did he kill himself?" She felt like a creep asking, but she had to know! She could see the pain in his face. Now it was breaking _her _heart.

"Um..." She didn't need to know. He bit his lip, debating if he should tell her or not, "He uh... I don't want you to know." He said finally. He stood up and ran a hand through his hair, "I am going to bed."

She stared at him and shook her head, "I thought you said that I could ask anything." Her voice was cold and angry. She knew that she shouldn't be angry with him, but he couldn't just hide everything from her.

He looked at her and shook his head, "Well... you can't ask that."

"That's a little unfair." She spat at him.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Well I do."

"Well too bad." He frowned and began to turn around.

"How did he kill himself?" She asked loudly. She had no intention of being soft and nice. She was tired of him hiding things from her. What had gotten into her? She should just leave him alone! _Tell him nevermind and sorry right now_. She ordered herself.

"You do NOT need to be thinking about that." He said, just as cold as she had before.

"I want to." She said with a shrug._ Stop! Stop this right now!_

"Emily." He said in a stern voice that quivered slightly, "No."

She looked to the ground and finally nodded.

She took him by surprise by wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her head in his chest. She let several more tears fall and shook with fear.

He rubbed her back lightly and rested his head on hers. He kissed her head and said, "Sh... I know." He bit his lip and looked at the wall as she cried.

"I'm so sorry." She whimpered.

He nodded and brought her to the couch, "It's okay."

"No. Really, dad. I am really sorry. I shouldn't have-" He put his hand to her mouth and shook his head.

"I know."

That sat on the couch. She was in his lap, laying on his chest as the tears rolled down her face and she continuously asked, "Why did he do it?" and "Why?" and "What was wrong?" and "Why was he so sad?"

All Cal could do was murmur, "I dunno." to every question and be there to comfort her.

She enjoyed being in her father's arms and having him there for her. He was an amazing father and man, but who would be there to comfort him? She didn't fit that position. Gillian did, though and Emily knew that she could fulfill being there for him. Emily found herself no longer crying for Collin or herself, but her dad. Even the strongest man in the world needs someone to be there for him. She smiled up and at him and slowly pulled away, "I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that." He said strongly.

She nodded and rolled off of him.

"I'm going to bed now." He kissed her head and stood up.

"Alright. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Don't let the bed bugs bite." She said with a big smile.

He didn't even try to smile. He just turned around and disappeared up the stairs.

.:.

Gillian watched as Cal walked into the office. He had a thick black jacket on along with jeans and a white button-up shirt. His usual worn out shoes as well. He had a satchel swung over his shoulder and a pile of files in his hand.

She smiled at him, but he ignored her and was soon gone into his office. He collapsed onto his chair and threw the files onto his desk. The satchel came over his head and collided with the couch when he threw it. He slumped into his chair and closed his eyes.

The door bursted open and Torres stood there with a sorry look on her face, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that you were in here." She whispered sheepishly.

"Do you often come barging into my office when I'm not here?" He asked suspiciously.

She stared at him and shook her head, "Um, uh. No I- I mean..." She stared at him and nervously squished her hands together.

He noticed her hand and looked back to her, "Why were you barging in?" He raised an eyebrow and put an arm on the back of his chair.

She stared at him and began to turn around, "Nothing."

"Oi! You don't really think that you can't just leave?" He rolled up to her and stared into her eyes, "What were you looking for?"

She stared at him and cleared her throat, "It's not important."

"Then you won't mind telling me?" He asked with a smile.

She sighed and nodded, "Well... Loker-"

"Let me stop you right there. Let me guess." He smiled again, "Loker sent you digging in here to find a diary or somethin' that I spill all my feelings into because I never show them to you?" He raised an eyebrow and found himself making large hand gestures as he spoke.

She looked to the ground and nodded.

"Ha! Victory is mine! You guys are so easy!" He through his hands into the air with a smile, "Gotcha."

She smiled back and then left, "Sorry."

"Yeah." He said with a smile.

Gillian smiled at Ria as she walked into Cal's office, "Well aren't you happy? I could hear you yelling from down the hall. What were you doing?"

He stared at her and fell back into his chair, "Oh nuffin." He smiled and rolled back to his desk, "I have a couple cases for you. I want to get as many done as possible before we leave."

She walked over and opened one up, "The boring ones?"

"Hey. They still need to be solved." She rolled her eyes and laughed. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" She asked quickly.

"The lou!" He said happily.

She smiled and sat down at his desk and began searching through the files. She went into his desk drawer for a pen, but found a little orange bottle. He came back in and his eyes widened at her mad expression, "What'd I do this time?" He asked.

"What are these for?" She held up the pill bottle and he stared at it.

"I don't know how those got there."

"That was a horrible lie." She looked at the bottle once more and then back to him, "Why are you taking Venlafaxine?"

**A/N: OH SNAP! Who knows what Venlafaxine is? And once you find out, because i know that you will go and look, guess why! Please leave reviews and thank you for reading! and like I said at the beginning... my fav part of this chapter is when Emily thinks that Cal is the strongest man in the world ^.^**


	7. Lightman's A Druggie

**A/N: Thank you SO MUCH for ALL the wonderful reviews! They totally make my day... I love you all ^.^**

Cal stared at her. Maybe if he didn't talk she just wouldn't say anything. Oh how he wish that was true, but she was a meddler. She would dig and dig and dig until she got to the truth. He was making her sound like himself! She only wanted the truth in him, though. She didn't care about Loker or Torres or Ben. Why was that?

She raised her eyebrows and leaned on one hip, examining the bottle, "Side effects..." She read aloud. "Nausea, headaches, drowsiness, dry mouth, dizziness, insomnia, nervousness, loss of appetite, body weakness, sweating, chills, vomiting, blurred vision. " She looked to him and then back to the bottle. As her eyes flicked over the words she said, "Do you know how easy it is to overdose on normal antidepressants like this?" She looked at him and he just stared at her, "Hm... Symptoms of an overdose. Excessive tiredness,**seizures, **increased heart rate, slowed heart rate, decrease in blood pressure, a spinning sensation, **coma, **liver damage and... **Loss. Of. Life." **

He looked at her and then to the ground, "It's for a good-"

"Don't try that on me Cal." She said quickly. "How long have you been taking this?"

"I started yesterday." He said with a small shrug.

"What?" She gave him that look that made him KNOW that she was pissed with him, "Why are you taking it?"

He looked at her and tried to dig his hands into his pockets even more. He took a deep breath and then raised his head to look at her, "Because I don't want the same the to happen to me!"

She stared at him, "What same thing?"

"I don't want to commit suicide!" He yelled.

She blinked and nodded, "But you aren't depressed."

"You don't know that." He whispered.

She stared at him and said, "Are you?"

"I just don't want the same thing happen to me, alright?" He started to walk over to the desk and tried to grab the bottle from her hands, but she shook her head and yanked it away from his reach.

He stared at her and fell back onto his feet and put his hands back into his pockets, "Gill." It was a stern, serious voice that almost made her gasp. She wasn't ready to have him talk like that. It scared her.

"Cal."

"Give me it."

"You shouldn't be taking this."

"I'm a big boy... I can take care of myself."

"You aren't depressed. You are just fine and it isn't safe."

"When did you become a medical doctor that knew all that shit?"

"I am totally serious Cal." She said with a worried look. He shouldn't be taking it.

"As am I." He clenched his jaw and stared at her with rock hard eyes that made her shiver.

"Cal. Please."

He swiftly moved into her and pushed her against the desk with one hand on his waist. His other hand whipped out and snatched the bottle from her hands. It all happened so fast that she could only go with what he was doing. She felt a small pain shoot up her back when she crashed into the edge of the desk. A small gasp escaped from her mouth and she looked at him with unbelieving eyes. He just threw her up against the desk and took the pills. She felt the warmth of his body pressed to hers for a second or two and then he was more than three yards away.

His hand fell into his pocket, returned the bottle to it's rightful place. He stared at her and waited for her reaction.

Right when she opened her mouth he turned around and left.

She sighed and leaned against the desk, letting the edge cut into the same place that it had just moments before. He had basically attacked her! Just for that little bottle? What was _really _in there? She was just thinking too much about it. He just thought that he actually needed it. Well he doesn't. She rubbed the back of her neck and stood up. As she walked out she ran into Loker in the hall, "Lightman's a druggie, isn't he?" He asked with a smile.

"Shut up." She had never told Eli to shut up before, but right now was definitely an appropriate time.

He raised his eyebrows and smiled, "Oh, feisty." He laughed and disappeared into the lab.

She stopped at the counter and smiled at Heidi, "I have a quick question for you."

Heidi smiled back and nodded, "Go ahead."

Maybe Cal wasn't taking it for depression, "What does the drug Venlafaxine treat?" She asked in a hushed tone.

Heidi raised an eyebrow and then quickly began typing something on her computer, "Let's see... major depression, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, high doses have been known to treat borderline personality disorder, and... panic disorder." She said quietly.

Gillian thought for a moment and then whispered, "What was the last one?"

"Um, panic disorder?"

"Okay and what were the first three?"

"Major depression, anxiety-"

"There. Anxiety or panic disorder. I mean, depression is possible, but I doubt it." Gillian didn't even notice that she was talking out loud.

"Um, may I ask why you needed this?"

"Lightman." Gillian said before walking away. His last name could mean many things. He had asked her to do it for him. He was taking Venlafaxine. He needed it for a case. He was thinking about taking it. Anything really. Heidi stood there, buried in her own confusion.

She walked into his office to find him deep in thought at his desk, "Anxiety." She said with a small smile.

"What?" He asked with a confused look.

"You are worried. Nervous. You are taking Venlafaxine for anxiety."

He stared at her. Nope. It was for the depression, but whatever made her feel better, "Yes. That is why." He lied, "How did you know?"

She smiled and said, "Computer."

He raised his eyebrows and sat back down, "Lovely. Well now you know."

She was very pleased with herself.

He was pleased with himself. He had tricked her! She didn't seriously think that he had anxiety? Well depression was hard to believe as well. He bit his lip and dug into a file on his desk.

.:.

Emily stared at her father. She was leaning against the frame of the door, her head resting on the wooden panel. He was hunched over a file, searching through it frantically, throwing pieces of paper to the side and then finding them again. A couple times he would turn on the screen and a video with a teenage boy or an old lady would come up and they would talk about the tragic death of his mother and her daughter. Emily caught that it was a suicide. Of course. Once she saw how concentrated he was it began to worry her. She cleared her throat and he looked up. "Hey Em." He said, taking on his glasses, "What's up?"

"I am ready to go home. I have been standing here for the past hour. Don't you ever get hungry? Or have to pee?" She asked with a frown.

He chuckled and stood up, "Sorry love." He pulled on his coat and walked out with her. "We are calling it a night." He said to Foster. He had his arm draped over Emily's shoulders and his satchel on his other shoulder.

She stared at him and looked down to a file in her hands, "Alright. I need to talk to you tomorrow and don't think for one second that you can squirm your way out of it." She said firmly.

Emily laughed and said, "What did you do this time, dad?" He shot her a look that said, shut up, and she did. Her eyes went to the ground as Cal spoke with Gillian.

"I will be out in the field tomorrow."

"You can go on Wednesday."

"I will be packing." He countered.

"We will talk tomorrow rather you like it or not." She said.

He sighed, "Yeah yeah yeah."

"Goodnight."

"Mhm." He hummed as he walked out with Emily.

"What do you think she wants to talk to you about?"

He shrugged, but he knew exactly what it was.

**A/N: Why do you think she needs to talk to him? Thank you so much for reading and please leave reviews!**


	8. The Door Wasn't Locked

**A/N: Why do you think she needs to talk to him? Thank you so much for reading and please leave reviews!**

Emily stared up at her father. She could tell that he was deep in thought. She knew he was thinking about what would come tomorrow with his and Gillian's talk. She only wished that she could spy on them and know what they were going to talk about.

"Well I'm tired, so I'm going to hit the hay." Cal smiled and kissed her forehead, "I love you."

"Love you too." Emily smiled and watched him walk up to his room.

She then pulled out her phone and quickly called Gillian. "Hello?" Gillian answered with a yawn.

"Hey Gill, it's Emily." Emily said sheepishly.

"What's up?" Gillian asked.

"I am sorry for calling you, but I want to know what's going on with dad."

"What do you mean?"

.:.

Cal smiled and shivered slightly, "Collin. This is really scary."

"Why? It's Terry. He won't eat you or anything."

Cal nodded and looked at the small house in front of him, "I feel bad."

"They are good friends." Collin assured him.

.:.

"What the bloody hell are you doing here?" Cal yelled from the top of the stairs. Emily looked up and saw an unfamiliar man walking down and trying to get closer to Cal, "Just leave! How many times do I have to tell you?"

Anthony looked around Cal's shoulder and stared at Emily, "My God. You have grown so much."

"Emily? What's going on?" Gillian asked through the phone. Emily's hand had fallen to her side and she looked down at the phone.

"Call you back." She whispered, unsure if Gillian had heard or not.

"Emily?" Gillian asked again.

Emily then hung up and slipped the phone into her pocket.

Cal stared at Anthony and hissed, "Leave. Now."

.:.

Cal walked to the door and smiled, "Hey Terry."

"Cal!" Terry exclaimed with a huge smile, "I can't believe you are living with us now! That's so cool!"

Cal smiled. His 12 year old body wasn't ready for this. He wasn't ready to live with someone new. He wasn't ready to be in a new house. He wasn't ready to accept his mother's death. He wasn't ready to accept his father's leaving.

Collin was fine with it. He was 16. Only two more years with his family's shit and craziness. He wasn't fine with his mother's suicide or his father's ditching them, but he didn't care anymore. He gave up when his mother started with the suicide attempts. The only thing that would be hard for him would be leaving Cal. Cal would only be 14 when Collin left. That's four more years. But Cal liked Terry, they were good friends. Collin shook it from his head and smiled at the small black boy in front of him, "Hey Terry."

"Hey Collin." Terry said, making a small wave.

.:.

"Haven't I told you enough?" Cal yelled, "Haven't you gotten it that I don't want you in my life?"

Anthony sighed and walked closer to Cal, "I just want to-"

"You left!" Cal reminded him.

"Cal-"

"You just ditched! You just wimped out and left us! It wrecked everything." Cal whispered.

Anthony stared at him and ran a hand through his hair, "Cal please." He glanced to Emily and then back to Cal.

Cal looked to Emily whose eyes were big and she looked scared, "Dad...?" She asked.

Cal sighed. He had to get her to leave. With a good reason. He slipped out of his jacket and handed it to her, "Bring that up to my room, yeah?" He said with a fake smile.

"Dad-"

"And stay there." Cal ordered.

Emily rolled her eyes and gave Anthony one more look. She then jogged up the stairs and fell onto Cal's bed with a sigh."

Cal looked back to Anthony and shook his head, "How the bloody hell did you get my address?"

"Can we sit?"

"No. I don't want you to be comfortable in my house." Cal said.

Anthony nodded and leaned against the wall, "I have-"

"How did you?"

"Does it matter? I am here now." Anthony said.

"It matters to me. HOW did you get it?" Cal walked towards Anthony with a mad look.

"I'd rather not-"

"Tell me!" Cal yelled in his face.

"I..." Cal stared at him, making it clear that he wasn't giving up. "I will just go." Anthony made his way to the door, but then Cal blocked him.

"Not so fast." Cal hissed. "If you don't tell me now I will get a restraining order against you."

"You don't have just cause."

"You broke into my house."

"The door wasn't locked."

"Liar."

Anthony rolled his eyes and stared at his son. They seemed to mirror each other, other than age of course. Anthony was going on 70 years old while Cal was going on 50. Anthony had snowy white hair while Cal still had just brown. But they had the same nose... and hazel eyes... and the same hair line. Anthony was fairly short. They both sounded the same. If Gillian called right now and Anthony answered she would think it was Cal and would suspect nothing. "I went into Gillian's contacts." Anthony finally offered.

Cal mouth fell open in disbelief at his father, "You hacked into her computer?"

"It was on. I didn't need to do passwords or anything like that. It was open I only had to click the contacts and it was right there and-"

"I don't want to hear anymore of this. You broke into her office!" He reminded him.

"The door wasn't locked."

"Is that your only excuse? You are lying. Again." Cal hissed madly.

Anthony look down in shame and sighed, "Cal I needed to see you."

"My daughter is here!" Cal pointed up the stairs.

.:.

Emily could here her father yelling. She wasn't sure who the other man was, but he and Cal definitely had a past. She put her hand into a pocket of his jacket and pulled out his keys. She threw them to the bedside and went into the pocket again. His phone. She set that on the table and put her hand into the other pocket. She felt a round tube and pulled out. "Venlafaxine?" She asked aloud.

She grabbed her phone and finally called Gillian back. "Emily?" Gillian asked.

"Yeah, um, what is Venlafaxine for?" She asked, examining the bottle.

"How did you find out about that?" Gillian asked worriedly.

"I found a bottle in my dad's coat pocket. What's it for?"

"Depression." Gillian whispered.

"He isn't...?"

"I don't know." Gillian said truthfully, "I don't. Why did you hang up earlier?"

Emily cleared her throat and said, "Some guy was here... he had really white year. Maybe 20 years older than dad." She said, putting the bottle down cautiously.

"Was he British?"

"Mhm."

"That is your dad's dad." Gillian said.

"What?" That couldn't be true. Cal's dad had... left when Cal was young. Now it made sense. She sighed and said, "Okay. Is that what you need to talk to dad about? The Venlafaxine?"

"Um, yes. He told me that it was for anxiety and that would make sense, but I know that he was lying to me. So I want to find out how he is doing and what is really going on."

"Okay. Night Gill."

"Good night Emily."

**A/N: Ok, I really wanted to get this up, but no more chapters for a week or so because I have finals and might now be able to get online. I might make a couple surprise chapters, but who knows what stories? Thank you for reading and pleaase leave reviews, but don't think I have just stopped!**


	9. I Don't Share My Feelings

**A/N: Exams were really easy... I breezed right through 'em!**

Cal walked into the office and dodged the front desk at the sight of Gillian.

She was leaning against the wall, her hand on her hip, with a mad glare. "I don't think so." She said, walking with him.

He pretended to ignore her and walked to his office, "Sorry you can't come in here." He smiled quickly and slammed the door shut in her face.

She bit her lip and as her hand flew to the handle she heard the click of the lock on the other side. She sighed and said, "Cal! You can't just run from me! We have a plane ride in two days!"

He sighed heavily, letting his shoulders fall with the outfall of breath. He grimaced and swung the door open, "Wot?" He asked in a thick British accent.

She sighed, seeming to do the same as him, "Are you okay?" She asked softly.

He raised an eyebrow and leaned against the doorframe, "Did you really just ask that?"

"Cal if you are depressed I want to help." She said as if she felt cheesy and gooey saying it. But it was true. She wanted to be there for him.

He stared at her for a moment longer and nodded, "I'm perfectly fine."

"Why are you taking Venlafaxine then?" She challenged.

"That is what is _making _me perfectly fine." He said, rolling his eyes and walking deeper into his office.

She nodded, "Of course." She whispered under her breath.

"I heard that." He whispered back with a smile.

She nodded and walked towards him, "What are you depressed about?" She pushed.

"Sorry, but I don't share my feelings." He said ,staring at her. His eyes flicking over and watching her every expression.

"You should."

"I don't."

"Why?"

"If I told you, then I would be sharing my feelings."

"What am I going to do?" She asked, slightly frustrated by his distrust.

"Never look at me the same again."

She squinted at him and turned her head as she tried to study him. "I won't think of you as any other way."

He got close to her quickly and said in a rough and harsh voice, "If I tell you now you will expect me to tell you my feelings all the time. THIS is no exception. So just walk your pretty little butt back to your office and let me be."

She fell backwards a bit by his mad voice. He had a scary look in his eyes and she looked down, "Ok." She whispered, deciding to not mess with him in his delicate state. She started to turn around, but he grabbed her arm.

"I'm not vulnerable or sad or delicate." He hissed at her.

"How did you-"

"You work with me. You of all people should know what I do for a living."

She sighed inwardly and walked away.

He didn't like to push her away, but sometimes she needed to learn when enough was enough. He was nervous to leave. He was scared of who would be there. He was worried of his own emotions.

.:.

"Baby brother!" Collin exclaimed, throwing his strong arms around Cal.

"Hey, how are you doing Collin?" Cal asked with a large smile.

"Much better now that I get to see little Emily! How old is she?" Collin asked, lifting the baby from the carseat.

"Three months." Cal said with a triumphant grin.

"Nice. Maybe Abigail and I will have a kid one of these days." He smiled and rocked slightly with Emily snuggled in his arms.

Cal laughed and said, "Yeah right, I doubt that that will ever happen, but I can't wait for it." He smiled and patted Collin's back.

"So. Have you talked to dad yet?" Collin asked, becoming serious.

"Why would I?" Cal asked with a frown, taking Emily back.

"Because... I just though... since... you know..."

"It their anniversary? You thought I would call him to remind him that he wasn't there for mom in their marriage or for us? Why would I do that? So he could ask for forgiveness? No thank you because I don't know about you, but I don't plan to forgive that man."

Collin looked at the ground and said, "You know that he never-"

"Don't try to defend him! He wasn't there for mom! That's why she killed herself. It seems like you would be able to see that now that we are grown men." Cal said in a disappointed tone.

"Oh, don't go all... motherly on me." Collin said uncomfortably.

Cal rolled his eyes and said, "In answer to your question. No. I haven't talked to him. Have you?"

Collin shook his head sheepishly and then smiled at Emily, "She has a lot of hair."

"Yeah. It's crazy." Cal said with a big smile.

"How's Zoe doing these days?"

"You already took Abigail... do you have to ruin another relationship of mine?" Cal asked with a small smile.

"I'm just wondering if she still loves her hubby."

"Of course she does. We are madly in love."

"Of course, of course. Well. It was nice that you came back to England. Good to see you. Where are you staying?"

"Terry's." Cal whispered.

"Really? Give him my best." Collin smiled and closed the door to his house.

Cal took a deep breath and walked down the front steps with Emily in one arm and the carseat in his other hand.

.:.

Cal stared at the picture on his desk. It was he, Collin, Zoe, Emily, and Abigail. All happily together. They had gone on vacation together no longer than two months ago. It killed him to think that just a couple days ago Collin - his brother. His only brother. His much loved brother - had killed himself. It was eating away at his heart. He wasn't sure if he could stand going to the funeral, but he wanted to get out of D.C. He wanted to be somewhere more familiar.

He was also excited to see Terry again. Although they hadn't had the best reunion a couple months ago, he still wanted to see that man along with his family. He also wondered if sparks would fly between he and Abigail. He hated to say it, but he still loved that woman. He sighed and stood up. He need to go apologize Gillian. As much as he hated sharing his feelings. He had to _at least _say sorry to her.

**A/N: Sorry it took so long for an update! I hope you can forgive me! I am almost done with another story so hopefully I can get more done with this one because it's going to get good once they finally make it to England!**


	10. Early

**A/N: Bahaha... it IS Lisa, I was thinking of another story. I am sorry and thank you for catching that!**

Cal stared at his brother. Hatred filling his body. Growing and growing with every breath, "How could you?" He yelled madly.

"How could I what?" Collin asked, although he knew exactly what Cal was on about.

"I loved her! I still love her!" Cal yelled at him, wishing he could cry. But when he was 6 his father told him to never cry because it showed weakness, and he wouldn't have Cal showing weakness.

"Well... she loves me." Collin said simply. He made a weak smile and sat down, "Listen baby-"

"Don't." Cal hissed, "Do NOT call me baby brother."

Collin rolled his eyes and said, "She is only going out with me because she doesn't like you anymore."

"I was SIX..."

"What?" Collin asked, staring at Cal like he was stupid.

"I fell in love with Lisa when I was SIX. Ten years ago! I fell in love with her! Ten years for our feelings to grow and then they finally did and now you are taking her from me? Really Collin? I looked up to you! I thought that you were the best guy in the world! I thought you knew everything! I thought... You stole her away from me Collin." Cal whispered, staring at the ground.

"Listen, Cal." It was weird. It didn't feel right coming from his mouth. Baby brother was all he ever called him and that was all that ever fit, and right now... it was just weird. "it just happened. We just... clicked. I didn't know that-"

"That we were a couple? That we WERE madly in love, before you took her from me? What did you not know Collin?" Cal asked, feeling the rage build up in himself.

"Cal!" Collin yelled, "Don't yell!"

'You are!"

"This is YOUR fault!" Collin said loudly.

"My fault? MY fault? You've got SOME nerve to come and take my bloody girlfriend and then to blame it one me!"

"You didn't love her enough to keep her. YOU are the one that lost her! This isn't my fault. I was just here for her when she needed me. I was here for her unlike you could be."

"No. You are the rebound. She was sad and went to you because she knew that you are the kind of guy that only needs to know a woman for twenty minutes before you sleep with her." Cal hissed madly.

Collin stared at him, "That is not true!"

"Have you had sex with her yet?" Cal asked, getting into his face.

Collin gulped silently.

"I could see that. I'm not stupid." Cal said. He shook his head and said, "Whatever. I don't care anymore. Take her away. Live happily ever after.

.:.

That fight rang through Cal's ears. Collin had ruined he and Lisa's relationship. He had planned to marry her the second they were of age. He wanted to be with her forever, but then Collin took her away. He talked her into getting with him and it was too late by that time.

Cal was greatful now that that had happened. If Collin had never taken Lisa, then Cal would have never had his beautiful Emily. He wouldn't be with her. He wouldn't be taking her to England with him. He would have never had the blessing of seeing her beautiful face.

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and jumped. As he caught his breath he pulled it out and said, "Lightman."

"Cal?" A familiar voice said on the other side.

"Terry?" Cal asked, a small smile creeping onto his face. It was nice to smile. It felt good. And he knew that if Gillian was there she would say it was healthy.

"Cal... we need your help. No offense, but I don't trust your father with picking out a headstone and graveyard and church and I definitely don't trust myself. Can you come today?" Terry asked hopefully.

Cal's mouth fell open. Today? He would have to leave right now! He was anxious to get out of D.C. though. He needed to leave, "Yeah. I'll get on the next flight out of here."

"Thank you so much." Terry smiled and hung up. That was surprisingly easy.

Cal ran a hand through his hair and walked out into the hall to find Gillian leaning against the wall, talking with Loker, "I need to talk to you." Cal grabbed her arm and dragged her away from Eli.

Loker dropped his hands to his sides and nodded, "Thanks. I will just go figure this out myself."

Cal ignored him and pulled her away. She pulled her arm from his grip and stood straight, "What do you want?" She sounded annoyed, as she should. She was working on an important case bfore they all left. She NEEDED time for this.

He clenched his jaw, madly trying to not snap with her. "I am leaving."

She stared at him, waiting for more.

"Right now. They need me in England. I will find someone for Emily to stay with. You can still leave on Thursday." He said quickly.

"What? You can't leave! We need you here. We have a case we need you with."

"I am sure that you can figure it out yourself." He said, walking back to his office.

Gillian walked with him and grabbed his upper arm, "Cal. We need you."

"Well my best friend and Lisa need me. Sorry, but they overpower you."

She stared at him, unbelieving what he just said. They were more important then her and Loker and Torres? What?

He didn't mean it like that. It sure as hell sounded like that, but that was NOT how he meant it.

"Gill." He said as she started to walk away. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that, but being there for Lisa and Terry is more important than any case right now. I need to be there, but I thought that it would be a good idea to give you the heads up. Goodbye. I will see you Friday."

She stared at him and pulled her arm away, "Okay."

He sighed in relief and watched as she walked back to Loker.

Cal turned around and walked into his office. He grabbed some papers and his bag and then walked out to his car. On his way home he called Emily, "What?" She asked.

"I'm leaving early. I have to go today and help with the arrangements. I'm not sure who you are staying with yet, but-"

"I'll stay with Gill." Emily said.

"What?"

"She just texted me. I'm staying with her."

"Alright then. I love you. I'll see you on Friday."

"Alright. Love you too."


	11. Awake

**A/N: Enjoy and leave reviews please!**

He saw Terry in the airport. No smile. Just standing there, awaiting Cal. "Hey." He said, taking one of Cal's bags and then walking.

"How is everyone doing?" Cal asked hopefully. '

Terry looked at him and then looked at the ground, "Not good. A lot of grieving. Cal." Terry stopped and turned to him.

"Huh?" Cal asked, looking at his friend.

"You were the closest to Collin. Closer than Lisa. Everybody has been dreading seeing you because they know that you cared most about him. They are going to have a lot of sympathy for you and you are going to need to just take it because they don't understand that you don't like all the emotional stuff. Besides... you should be grieving over him."

Cal stared at him, unsure of what to say, "Alright." He wasn't sure what would be the right thing, so he just spit that out.

Terry sighed and continued walking.

.:.

Gillian sat at her desk, contemplating if she should call Cal and ask if he made it there safely. It was late for him so she wasn't really sure. If it was 6:00PM for her then it is... 12:00AM for him, so she decided not to. He was probably asleep by now.

.:.

Cal was wondering if he should call Gill and tell her that he had made it in safely. He wanted to, but he was so tired, and she was probably having dinner or working anyway. But Emily would want to know. Maybe he should. He could tell them both.

He pulled out his phone and dialed Gillian number.

"Hello?" She asked. Having not payed attention to the caller ID she didn't know it was Cal.

"Hey, love. I made it in safely." He said.

"Oh, it's you. I was just thinking about calling you, but it's late there. How is everyone?"

"I don't know. I will be seeing them tomorrow. I'm at the hotel right now."

"Oh. Well I am glad that the flight went well. Get some sleep. I am sure that tomorrow will be a busy day." She said. He could hear the smile in her voice. It warmed his heart.

"Alright. Good night love. Tell Emily that everything went ok."

"Will do. Good night Cal."

He hung up and stared at the hotel room in front of him. All three beds were huge and unwelcoming. He picked one and threw his bags beside it. He pulled off his clothing and got under the thick blankets.

.:.

Emily sat in Gillian's guest bedroom. It felt wrong. She laid on the bed, thinking about what would come in the next few days. The funeral. The meeting of all of her father's family that she had never met before. She was nervous for all of that.

She didn't really mind being in Gillian's house or in her guest room or anything like that. She just imagined Cal being there too... in Gillian's bed. She imagined living there... Gillian and Cal finally together.

She dreaded the death of her uncle - not only because she loved him - but because now Lisa was single... and she and Cal were both grieving... and it was just a mixture for horribleness. Gillian would get jealous. Cal would fall for Lisa again and then they would hit it off and it would ruin everything.

She had already had dinner and Gillian had gone to bed early after telling Emily that Cal had made it safely and that things were going well. She laid in bed right now. Staring at the ceiling. Thinking some way to pass the time since she wasn't tired.

Gillian laid in bed, unable to fall asleep as well. She had tried reading, but just got bored. She tried to fall asleep, but she had too many things going on in her mind to put it to rest. She had tried to let some sweet music soothe her anxiety, but that hadn't worked either.

She also thought about Cal taking the meds. Was he really depressed? She doubted it. How could he be depressed? Was that even possible for him?

She wondered if he had them because he didn't want to risk something happening like what had happened to his mother and now his brother. Was he just taking them to prevent that possibility? That wasn't safe. It wasn't healthy, but what did he care about healthy?

.:.

Cal also lay in bed, unable to rest. Too many things were buzzing through his mind. Like how he would introduce all of his extended family to Emily and Gillian. How everybody would react to them. How Gillian and Emily would like his family. He also dreaded seeing Collins dead body. He didn't want to see that.

.:.

"I am sorry Cal." Lisa said, staring at the strong teenager in front of her.

"No you aren't. You love him more than me don't you?" Cal asked coldly.

"That's not it I just-"

"Why else would you leave me for him? Just admit it. That he... did whatever it was that I couldn't do. Just admit that you LET him steal you from me. Just admit that you don't love me anymore." He whispered, looking to the ground.

"I do still love you, but-"

"Then why did you break up with me?" He yelled madly.

"Cal!" She said, feeling the tears coming.

"Wot?" He yelled back.

"I still love you. You just aren't him! You didn't treat me like he does. You just weren't right. I would say that it was me, but then I would be lying. This is ALL you! This is your fault! You didn't treat me like I needed to be treated." She was mad at him. Pissed with him! Didn't he understand that she didn't want to be with him? Couldn't he just leave it at that?

He was pissed with himself. His father - as much as he hated him - had warned him. He said that you need to treat your woman like a queen. Treat her like royalty, like there was no one better. And Cal hadn't done that. He had brought this upon himself and now all he could do was take the consequences. He looked at the ground and nodded, "Alright." He whispered.

**A/N: Awww... the break up EEK... well tomorrow is when Cal starts with all the arrangements and all that and there is a little problem back in DC with Anthony!**


	12. Hot Tub

Cal finally sat up and rubbed his eyes. He wasn't going to fall asleep anytime soon. His mind was so busy. He NEEDED to relax some how. He was curious of where Lisa was. He wanted to see her. He got out of bed and went digging through his bed. Emily had insisted that he bring it. She said that you never know when there might be a pool and it's better to be safe than sorry. He pulled on the swim suit and yanked a t-shirt over his head. He also grabbed a towel and then walked out to door. Hopefully there would be a hottub in this hotel where he could relax.

He opened the door and sighed in relief. There was the hot tub, bubbling with heat. He pulled his shirt over his head and slipped into it, losing his eyes and slipping deeper and deeper until on his head was peeking out from the top. He lifted his arms to the edge and let the heat of the hot tub embrace him and soothe him. He was finally able to clear his mind and could think clearly. He would see Lisa tomorrow and get a chance to talk what had happened in their younger years over.

.:.

Emily couldn't fall asleep either. She was thinking about her father's use of the drugs. She didn't get chance to talk to him about it before he left. They NEEDED to talk about it. She rolled over and stared at the door. It would be so easy to sneak out and go home. SHe loved Gillian and she loved Gillian's house, but she was just lonely. She couldn't take it.

She wanted to go sleep in her father's bed. SHe was worried about him and his mental health. He couldn't realy be depressed could he?

.:.

Lisa was at the same hotel as Cal. It wasn't planned. She didn't even know that he was in London. She just couldn't stand to sleep in that bed... without Collin. She cried everytime she saw that empty bed. She could NOT sleep in it.

She wasn't much of a swimmer, but something strange was dragging her towards the pool and she knew exactly what it was when the slid her card in the door. There was Cal. Sitting in the hot tub.

He had his arms draped over the edge. She could see his chest and his closed eyes. He was breathing evenly. She wanted to turn around and let him be, but her legs were pulling her forwards to him. She watched as his muscles flexed from his stress. It was obvious that he was in pain. His muscles looked tense, even when she was 20 feet away. She inched closer, carefully being quiet.

"Can't sleep?" He asked in a rough voice that made her jump.

She cleared her throat and looked at his beautiful hazel eyes, "Something like that." She mumbled as she slipped into the hot tub.

"Why are you at the hotel?" He asked, keeping his eyes closed, although surprised by who was there. He expected it to be Terry or someone.

"I can't sleep in that bed... not without Collin." She whispered.

He nodded and opened one eye to see that beautiful woman in a bikini, just now slipping her breats under the water. He cleared his throat and shut his eyes again. If he jumped into the pool it would be cold, so it would be like a cold shower right? "Hmmm..." He hummed, breathing heavily.

"Cal." She whispered.

"What?" He asked.

"Do you miss him?"

"Of course I do. I loved him like a brother." He chuckled slightly, but it just made him feel bad for making a joke out of that.

She stared at him, sadly watching the expression on his face turn from a slight smile to complete sadness. It was easier when his eyes were closed because then she could stare at him. Which seemed a little creepy, but she never got over him. She still loved him. "I miss him." Cal finally whispered, "I think about him everyday. I don't understand why he would do that."

Lisa nodded and slid towards him, "Cal."

"What?" He asked, opening his eyes and running them over her body before resting on her eyes.

She looked down at her hands, unsure of what to say. She wanted to know how his life was, but she felt weird asking. She fidgeted with her hands, making small waves in the water.

He scooted towards her and took her chin, lightly lifting her head up to look at him, "What?" He asked again.

"I just want to know how you are doing." She whispered.

He clenched his jaw, staring at her. He felt the electric current flowing between them that he hadn't felt since he was sixteen and she kissed him.

There legs we touching now and there heads were just inches apart. He leaned a little closer and said, "I've been better." He whispered, feeling the heavy breathing of her on his face.

"This isn't your fault." She said, hearing the guilt in his voice.

It would be weird - for them to have their faces SO close to each other's - but it felt fine. It felt right, like there was nothing wrong with it. "Everybody keeps telling me that." He whispered.

"Because it's true."

"I should have been here for him."

"You had a life in DC."

"I should have seen it. I should have been calling him on a regular basis to see how he was doing."

"You can't carry this weight with you for the rest of your life." She whispered, tasting his breath. Her mouth was open and he was breathing right into it. It was minty, most likely from toothpaste.

"I can. It's my fault and I should be taking the blame." He said.

"No." She said.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"When did you become such a child?" She asked with a small smile.

He cleared his throat, "Sorry."

She looked down and sighed, "Cal, I'm-" She was interrupted by his lips on hers.

His hands ran down to her thighs and he lightly grabbed them as he pushed her against the wall of the hot tub, deepening the kiss.

She ran her hands into his wet hair and grabbed what she could, pulling their heads closer together and making the kiss better.

The flavor was amazing. She tasted just like she had... thirty years ago. It was amazing and he missed it so much. He moved around so he was standing over her, moving with her body.

Her tongue exlpored his mouth, taking in the distant, but familiar taste. Her tongue ran over his teeth, occasionally rubbing his own tongue that was racing through her mouth.

She ran her hands over his bare chest, not even water between their bodies now.

He pulled away, gasping for the much needed air. Once they had both caught their breath, he raced towards her again, smashing their faces together and continued to kiss.

After several more minutes she pulled away and kissed right below his ear and he ran his hands over her body, taking in every little part that he had forgotten about. He moaned and felt her hands on his legs, slowly creeping inbetween them.

His hands went to her back and found the knot that was keeping the top of her bikini on. His hands worked at untying it. She moaned as his chest continued to pound on hers as he moved with the waves in the water and her wanting body.

"I've never had sex in water." Cal gasped as he kissed her neck.

.:.

Gillian woke up and looked around, she could hear the radio on downstairs. She stood up and walked down, finding Emily at the table, eating a bowl of cereal and reading the newspaper, "Good morning." Gillian whispered with a smile.

Emily looked up and nodded, "Hey."

Gillian sat down and said, "We leave today."

"Mhm. I'm excited to meet dad's family." Emily said with a big smile.

Gillian nodded and said, "Me too."

.:.

Cal had his arm around her shoulder, his hand on his stomach. He opened his eyes and looked around the bright room. At some time in the middle of the night they had moved into his hotel room. He yanked the blanket over his head, the room colder than he remembered, then he looked at his naked body and shivered at the breeze.

Lisa opened her eyes and looked at him, "I can't believe we did that." She whispered.

He shrugged and closed his eyes.

"No. That was wrong." She said, grabbing a blanket and wrapping it around her body.

"What?" He asked, lifting his head on his hand.

"We should not have done that."

"Why?"

"It was wrong." She turned around and walked to the door.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Cal said, jumping out of the bed and walking up to her with a small blanket around his waist, "You can't just leave.

"Emily and Gillian are getting here today." She said, looking over the room, "THIS needs to be cleaned up."

"Really?" He asked with a frown.

"Really. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have joined you in the hot tub." She whispered.

He leaned against the bed side table and watched as she walked out.

**A/N: OH SNAP... things are heating up between Cal and Lisa... will she change her mind about it being wrong? WIll Gill find out? Will it happen again? Leave reviews! and thanks for reading!**


	13. No One Could Ever Love Him

His mouth hung open and he stared at the door that was slowly falling closed. He rubbed his face and looked to his watch. They would be here soon. He cleared his throat and walked into the bathroom. He turned on the cold water, dropped the blanket, and slipped in.

He let the water pound on his face and then roll down the rest of his body and send chills down his spine.

After about an hour he turned off the water and got out. He wrapped a towel around his waist and walked out of the bathroom and stared at his bed. He fell onto it and let his face hit the pillow and took a deep breath. "Shit." He whispered. It smelled like Lisa and he knew that Emily would recognize the smell. He stood up and began tearing the sheets from the bed and then threw his towel into the pile.

After getting some clothes on he rolled his shoulders and stared at the pile on the floor. He sighed and then threw the door open. He turned around and walked over to his bag and dug around until he found his pills. He popped two into his mouth and took a long gulp of his bottle of water.

As he walked into the elevator he looked down the hall, searching for Lisa somewhere.

Once he made it to the front desk, he faked a smile and asked, "Is there a Lisa Lightman here?"

The man there typed the name into the computer and then looked at Cal, "No sir."

"How about Lisa Covington?"

After more typing the man looked up, "Yes there is."

"What room?"

"I can't give you that information sir." The man said with a pained look on his face.

"Who can you give that information to, then?" Cal asked, becoming frustrated.

"Ummm..." The man said, "Oh. She left a list. That's interesting."

"Whose on the list?"

"It's just first names..." The man whispered. He looked at Cal and then back to the paper, "Terry. Cal. Anthony. Emily. Roger. Maria." The man looked to him with a questioning look.

Cal pulled out his ID card and handed it to the man, "I'm Cal."

"Well alright. Room 203."

"Really? She's onlt three down from me." Cal mumbled, walking away.

He went to the second floor and walked right down the hall from his room and knocked on the door.

She opened it and looked at him, "No."

"No what?" He asked, inviting himself into the room.

She backed away by his sudden movement and placed her hands on his chest, "Cal. Stop." She said.

"Stop what?" He asked, walking in and shutting the door behind himself.

"I don't want to see you right now."

"Well I want to see you." He said.

She pushed him away from her and shook her head, "Last night was a mistake Cal."

"You don't believe that... and neither do I." He whispered.

"Well you should! Collin just died and you kissed me!" She yelled, turning to him.

"Oh, like you wanted it to stop!" He yelled back.

"Cal!" She yelled, getting close to him, "Leave. I do NOT love you anymore and you need to just deal with it."

"Why?" He asked with a frown.

She stared at him and said, "You can't love anybody Cal. You just more on. That's your problem. You don't know how to settle down. No one could ever love you." She hissed.

He stared at her, "What did I do to you that messed us up so badly?"

"It's old news. Doesn't matter anymore. Just go." She said, pushing him away again.

"Am I really that bad? That you can't stand to be around me?" He asked.

"Last night was wrong. We were tired and didn't know what we were doing. We felt lonely... but we need to forget about it and you need to leave."

He turned around and walked out without another hated him. No one could ever love him...

.:.

Gillian smiled at Cal as she walked into the main part of the airport. He just stared at her. Collin's death must have really been getting to him now.

He took one of her bags and one of Emily's and then led them to the rental car.

"Are you okay?" Gillian asked him once they got started and she adjusted to the fact that they were on the wrong side of the road.

He just drove silently. He didn't want to piss her off like he had Lisa. No one could ever love him...

.:.

Emily was hanging out with Terry down by the pool and Cal was sitting on the bed, hiding his face in his hands. "Cal, what is wrong?" She thought it was just Collin, but he wasn't talking... she knew he wouldn't just stop talking... there HAD to be something wrong.

He shook his head and mumbled something she couldn't hear.

"Cal." She whispered.

He looked up and her and shook his head again, "No one could ever love me Gill..." He whispered before walking out of the room.

"What?" Gillian asked, following him out, "What are you talking about."

"Oh, just ask Lisa... I am sure that she would be glad to tell you how horrible I am and how nobody loves me and how I can't do anything right." He hissed, disappearing into the elevator. "Room 203." He said before the door slid shut.

She watched until she heard the elevator start to move and then made her way down the hall to Lisa's room. She knocked the second Lisa opened the door she barged in, "What did you do to him?" She hissed.

"I don't know what you are talking about." Lisa said with a shrug.

"Apparently no one could love him, Lisa. Tell me about that." Gillian said, slamming the door shut.

"When did you get so protective over him?" Lisa asked, leaning on her bed.

"When did you decide you could make Cal feel like shit when he is already needing to take antidepressants?"

"When did he start taking antidepressants?"

"When did you stop caring about him?"

"When did you start?" Lisa threw back.

"When did you decide to become a low life jerk who can't do anything, but make other people feel bad?"

"When did he start taking things like that seriously?"

"When his brother killed himself. When the woman, being you, that he loved all his life told him that nobody could ever love him. When you made his depression even worse!" Gillian yelled.

"I didn't know!"

"Why would you say something like that anyway?"

"Because he came back and I told him that it was a mistake and I just needed him to leave."

"Wait." Gillian said, holding up her hands.

"What?"

"Did you two have sex last night?" Gillian asked.

"What kind of question is that?"

"What kind of answer is that?"

"It's none of your business." Lisa said, turning away.

"You did. And then you left him. You told him that nobody loved him. You made him think that he was horrible and could never be loved. What the hell is wrong with you?" Gillian asked, squinting at her.

"Get out of my room. I don't need you in here... accusing me of this."

"It's not an accusation when it's true."

"Get out." Lisa hissed.

.:.

Emily smiled at Terry and said, "So what's the story behind you and my dad?"

"We grew up together. Once his mum died we lived together. Nothing much though. Or nothing a teenage girl needs to know about." Terry said with a laugh. "So how is your dad?"

"I'm not really sure. He was silent the whole way here and Gill said she was going to talk to him." Emily whispered. "I'm worried about him, but I'm sure it's just about Uncle Collin and all..."

Terry nodded and said, "Well... let's not think about that."

Emily nodded as well and said, "Should we go see how they are doing?"

Terry had a look of dismay and then laughed, "I think you would be better for that job."

"No, you. You are his best friend. You understand him best, other than Aunt Lisa. I wonder how she is doing... whatever the problem is... I am sure that she can help." Emily said with a smile.

**A/N: Something very unexpected will happen between Cal and Lisa... just letting you know now... tahnks for all the reviews.. I love 'em! Please leave more!**


	14. There Has Always Been a Spark

Lisa stared at the closed door and sighed. She was wrong. She messedeverything up. She just wanted Cal to leave! She was saying whatever was necessary to do that! She didn't want to hurt him... that wasn't the plan.

Why would she do that? She was all over him... she just needed something familiar. She needed Cal. She ruined everything by telling him what she had told him. They needed eachother! They were the closest to Collin and needed each other to get over this tragedy, and she had probably ruined all chances of that.

.:.

Gillain walked back into the room to find Cal asleep on the bed. She looked at him for a moment and that cleared her throat... she wished that she could have been in Lisa's place last night.

She shook the thought from her mind and walked into the bathroom where she began to change out of her clothes that she had been wearing for forever.

Once she came out Emily was there, lying next to her father, sleeping as well. He had wrapped an arm around his daughter and they were both peacefully sleeping.

The plane ride was starting to catch up with her as well. She yawned and laid down on the bed in the other room and was soon fast asleep herself.

.:.

Cal woke up with Emily in his arms and a smile on his face. He had needed her familiar and loving face. She lay there, sleeping soundly. She was just precious when she was asleep. She didn't seem to know how much it healed him to just have her crawl into bed with him. She was the best part of his life and didn't really know the effects she had on him.

He slowly pulled his arm out from under her and then kissed her forehead, "I love you." He whispered.

She moaned something and rolled slightly and then settled down again. He smiled and then slipped out into the hallway where he made his way to the ground floor and then went outside into the cool fresh air.

"Hey Cal! I heard you were a little off." Terry said, running over to his friend.

"Rough night." Cal whispered, staring at the feild of flowers that was right behind the hotel. It was an interesting place for a feild of flowers, but it was beautiful.

Terry patted his back and said, "What did you do?"

Cal looked at him and shook his head, "Doesn't matter anymore."

"No, I think it does. Did you shag Lisa?" Terry asked jokingly with a loud laugh and a clapping of his hands, "No I'm kidding... you are stupid enough to do that."

Cal bit his lip and dug his hands deeper into his pockets.

"Did you shag Lisa?" Terry asked, turning to Cal with a frown.

Cal looked at Terry and cleared his throat, "That's a lot of flowers, huh?"

"You did..." Terry whispered.

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't say that you didn't."

"Because I can't lie to you..." Cal whispered and then immediately regretting it. Terry was going to kill him.

"You've really done it now mate." Terry said, turning to Cal completely.

"What are you talking about?" Cal asked, although he knew what he had coming.

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" Terry yelled, placing his hands on Cal's shoulders and shoving him back against the wall.

Cal coughed once and stepped forward, "She wanted it too Terry."

"Don't pull that shit on me! Collin JUST died and now you are shagging his wife?"

"There has always been a spark there Terry!" Cal yelled back.

"That doesn't make it okay!" Terry shoved him against the wall and held him against it, "I don't care if we are best mates... you stay away from her. That's not fair to her and it's not fair to COllin." He hissed at Cal.

Cal tried to get out of Terry's hold and just sighed, "She is the one who joined me in the hot tub!" He said, trying to defend himself.

"I don't want the details!" Terry yelled.

"It just happened! THat's life! I can't change it now! Besides... she is the one who was a jerk about it afterwards!" Cal yelled, punching Terry in the gut and getting him to let go.

Terry fell back and shook his head, "You can't blame this on her... SHE is the grieving wife!"

"Bloody hell! She is the one who wanted it! She joined me in the hot tub and she didn't stop when I started!"

"Maybe she didn't have the heart..." Terry whispered.

"Oh I bloody doubt that... considering that she had to ruin my self confidence after it happened just to get me to leave... You don't know what she said to me Terry. YOu weren't there. SO don't defend her when she is the person who is wrong."

"Just stay away from her... you shouldn't have done anything to her in the first place."

"Maybe you should stay out of other people's business." Cal said, turning around and walked back into the hotel. He walked into the elevator and saw Lisa standing in the corner. He went to walk out, but the door had already shut. He clenched his jaw and stood in the far corner, facing away from her.

"I'm sorry Cal."

"Don't even start." He said, shaking his head.

"I will. I was a jerk and I just said that because I was scared of us and of what might happen. Last night WAS a mistake... and so was everything I told you this morning... You are the most amazing man, other than Collin, and I have loved you my whole life. Maybe not in the... dating or lover kind of way, but after we broke up... I never forgot about you... but Cal. I didn't mean anything of what I said. I still love you and I know that Emily loves you and Gillian loves you and Terry loves you and Zoe loves you. Too many people to count... and I know that you aren't going to love me anymore, but I just want you to know that I didn't mean it. I was being me because I could." She looked at the ground and folded her hands together, "I"m sorry." She whispered.

He turned to look at her and ran a hand through his hair. THe door had opened, but he pushed a random floor and it closed again. What was he supposed to say to that? "I'm sorry I took advantage of you last night."

"That's mixed up Cal. I took advantage of YOU. I am sorry for that." She said, walking towards him, "Please forgive me."

He stared at her and cleared her throat. Forgiveness was important, right? It had to be done? Living with a grudge wasn't healthy. That's what GIll said. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck, "I do."

She hugged him back and said, "Thank you. Well this... is 8 floors above ours, but I think I'll walk." She smiled and walked out of the elevator.

He nodded and then hit the 'two' button and watched as the light went down every floor. Now it was time to talk to Gillian. All he really wanted was a hug from her and to find out how the flight was. He was going to take them around England tomorrow.

He was a little mad at Terry for making him come up early, because he ended up not needing to help with anything and if he hadn't come up... nothing would have happened between he and Lisa...

**A/N: Sorry they made up, but its necessary for the rest of the story... you are going to LOVE the next chapter... or possibly the one afterwards... SPOILER ALERT! It's callian! Thank for all the wonderful reviews! I hope you can leave more and you are enjoying my story!**


	15. What She Wanted

"What the hell is wrong with you?" GIllian asked as Cal walked into his room.

"Huh?" He asked, throwing his jacket onto his newly made bed.

She stared at him and shook her head, "What were you thinking?"

"I don't know what you are talking about..." He mumbled, sitting on the bed and taking his shoes off.

"Why the hell would you do that with Lisa? The first day here and you are already hitting it off with some old girlfriend? Really Cal?" She asked, walking over to him.

"THAT is what this is about?" Cal asked with a frown. He threw his shoes into the corner and stood up, "That's none of your business." He said with a shrug.

"Don't walk away from me. Why would you do that? Her husband JUST died and you are already 'shagging' her? I can't believe you."

"How does that concern you in anyway?" He asked with another frown.

"Somebody needs to tell you that you did something wrong Cal."

"Oh, and you fit that position best?" He asked coldly.

"Don't put this on me! What is wrong with you?" She yelled.

"I don't know Gillian! What IS wrong with me? Just go ahead and make a list because I seem to have A LOT of flaws." He said, throwing his arms into the air.

"Cal.." She whispered, shaking her head, "I didn't mean it like that... Just..." She closed her eyes and highed heavily, "What was going through you mind that would make you do that. You two aren't a couple... she was probably just doing it for something familiar because Collin just died and you are the closest thing to him. You should have know that going into that... you were somehow going to get hurt." Gillian whispered.

He stared at her and a small smile creeped on to his face, "You're worried about me..."

"No... well... of course I am... this is a hard time for anybody... I just want to make sure you are okay." She said, looking away from him.

"No..., you are like... really worried... like..." He smiled and walked over to her, "Tell me Gillian... HOW worried are you?"

"Cal." She said sternly, pushing him away, "I just don't want to see you get hurt."

He scratched his chin and nodded, "It's more than that." He called out at he walked into the bathroom, "Now you might want to go into the other room unless you want to see me naked after my shower." He winked and then shut the door and locked it.

She smiled and shook her head, "Why would you lock it? Are you worried I might sneak in?"

"I never know with you GIll... I never know..." He said as he turned on the shower.

She laughed and then walked into the other room, shutting the door and beginning to unpack.

.:.

Emily walked in to find her father shaking his hair up with a towel. He stood in the middle of the room with a towel around his waist and nothing above it, "Dad... what if like... a maid walked in and saw you? She would scream." Emily said with a laugh.

He dropped the towel from his head and jumped, "God, Emily... you scared me."

"You scare me." She said with a shrug.

"Where were you?"

"I was meeting boys by the pool." She said with a smile.

He squinted at her and said, "Meet anyone 'cute'?" He asked sarcastically.

"Well... they are all amazing just because of their British accent, but yes... most of them were hot." She said, walking around his bed and looking at a dresser, "Is this for me?"

"Yeah. Go ahead and unpack... we have stuff to do tomorrow." He said as he pulled a shirt over his head.

"Alright then... what's for dinner?"

"Tomorrow. You can just eat somewhere here tonight. You can either hang out wth your old man or take some cash and find your own place to eat." He said with a smile. He walked into the bathroom and pulled his jeans on and then walked back out to see her.

"I will find my own place." She stuck out her hand and smiled, "Cash please."

He rolled his eyes and put three twenties into the palm of her hand.

"Nice!" She said, stuffing it into her pocket, "I will see you later tonight."

"Be careful. Call me if there are any problems." He wasn't too sure about just letting her leave, but she was 17. He had to let her go sometime.

Gillian walked into the main part of the hotel room as Emily walked out, "Where is she going?"

"Dinner. Didn't want to be around us old people." He said with a shrug.

"Speak for yourself." Gillian said with a smile. "Well I am going to go get a drink. I have a huge headache from the plane ride, but I just an't fall asleep."

"I'll meet you down there." Cal said with a smile.

"Alright." She smiled and walked out.

He watched as she left and sighed, runnin a hand through his hair.

.:.

He met her down in the bar about two hours later and found her too drunk to even have a civil conversation. He had to hold in a laugh as she stumbled down from a chair at the bar, "You give her enough?" Cal asked the bartender.

"Some guy came up and said that she needed it." The man said with a shrug.

"What man?"

"I don't know... He was black." He shrugged again and said, "Plus it was a little fun to watch her get drunk off her head. She seems pretty proper and this definitely wasn't her." He laughed and washed a cup.

Cal rolled his eyes and said, "Well thanks for that." He took her by the arm and said, "Come on love. Time for bed."

"But..." She mumbled, falling against Cal as he pulled her to the door, "I'm not tired."

"Oh but you don't need to be up and about." He said with a smile.

She clung to his arm and stumbled out into the hallway, "I... don't want..." Her voice trailed off and she fell onto him they walked into he elevator. She hit the '80' button and he coughed.

"Whoa! Why would you do that."

"I don't want to go to bed."

"Now we have to go all the way up to the eightieth floor and back down!" He said.

"Mhm..." She hummed, looking up at him, "Kiss me Cal."

He looked down a her and shook his head, "No. Stop." He slipped out from under her touch and went to the other corner of the elevator.

"Cal..." She whispered, stumbling over to him, "Kiss me."

He held her shoulders and said, "You are drunk Gill, stop." He pushed her away and ran a hand through his hair.

She walked to him again and laid her hands on his chest and said, "I want you to kiss me."

"No.. you don't know what you want." He said, removing her hands from his chest.

"So you will 'shag' Lisa, but you won't even give me a little kiss?" She asked with a sad face.

"Gillian, stop."

"Oh I love it when you call me by my full name..." She said with a smile.

He stared at her and looked down at her welcoming mouth. Oh, how he wanted to kiss her. It was so tempting, but no. She didn't really want a kiss. She wasn't in her right mind. He bit his lip and just as he started to lean towards her moved away to distract himself.

She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, "Cal."

"Gillian." He shook his head and said, "Stop this." He look up at the elevator, "How are we only to floor sixty?"

She looked at him and slid her hands down his chest, sliding her fingers into the belt loops on his jeans. She slowly tugged him towards her and he laid his hands on her shoulders, "Gill..." He whispered. He clenched his jaw, telling himself to do nothing. Don't touch her. Don't kiss her. Don't. Just look away. He closed his eyes, but could feel her breathing on his neck. She lightly kissed it and looked up at him.

"Kiss me Cal."

"Gillian, stop." He brought his hands down to hers at his jeans and tried to untangle her fingers from the belt loops.

She smiled at him and it was starting to make him mad. Why would she get drunk and do this to him? He hated alchohol at the moment. Why did it have to make things so difficult? Maybe she really did want him to kiss her, but this was the only time she was going to tell him, when she was drunk and open to tell him her true feelings. Oh he doubted that.

He bit his lip and cleared the thoughts that wer telling him to just give her what she wanted.

She took one hand away from his jeans and slowly stroked his chest.

Oh, how she sent chills through him. Lisa could never do this, make him crumble under her touch. He slid his hand up her arm and stopped on her hand that was on his chest. He stared at her beautiful green eyes and flawless face. Just kiss her you fool! If she gets mad at you later than tell her that she wanted it and told you to! Just do it! She wants it! Kiss her!

He slowly leaned down and pressed their lips together. Although that little angel on his shoulder was telling him not to... the devil was cheering him on.

Both of her hands moved to his chest and tightly gripped his shirt in their fists. She stood on her tip toes, deepening the kiss.

He ran his hands down from her shoulders to her hips and pulled her into him. Luckily it was a slow night, so nobody as coming into the elevator... and nobody was leaving it either.

**A/N: OH. MY. GOODNESS. That was pretty epic... EVEN more Callian in the next chapter, and Cal is a lot happier! It's gonna be a funny one... Please leave reviews and my favorite line is *** sliding her fingers into the belt loops on his jeans. She slowly tugged him towards her*** I can just imagine that happening... lol**


	16. What Happened Last Night

She slipped her tongue into his mouth and he pulled away, gasping for air, "Gillian." His eyes were wide and his heart was thumping right through his chest. He took a deep breath and shook his head, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. This needs to stop." He whispered, walking to the other side of the elevator. It was coming to a stop on the eightieth floor.

He sighed and hit the '2' button, "Down we go." He mumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets. He rubbed his face and cleared his throat.

She stood in the corner of the elevator, still buzzing from the short, yet amazing kiss. Well now she wanted more. He knew better than to just kiss her and walk away, "You seriously think you can just kiss me and then walk away?" She asked, walking over to him and placing her hands on his back.

"I shouldn't have done it. But you need to stop this right now." He turned around and took her hands and pushed her back against the wall, "Just stand there and stay." He said, letting go of her small hands.

.:.

Emily had made her way to the room after dinner and several conversations that included getting numbers of many cute boys. She smiled and fell onto her bed, trying to remember every detail of every conversation. She would call them tomorrow when she got a chance, or text them at least. Jeremy was her favorite of the five she spoke to. He was cute, sweet, had an accent, and was hilarious.

She looked to the door and watched as Cal walked in, looked at Emily and then walked back out.

.:.

He turned to Gillian and said, "Don't say a word. Emily is in there. Just go straight to the other room and go to bed. Take a shower, get changed, whatever you need to do. Just don't say anything." He said, holding a finger to her open mouth.

She stared up at him with innocent eyes and nodded, "Okay..." She whispered.

He took her hand and opened the door, "Not now Emily." He said when his daughter stood up and started to question him. He pulled Gillian to the other room and said, "Good night."

"A good night kiss?" Gillian asked, leaning against the wall.

"Nope." He said, pulling the door shut. He turned to Emily and said, "Don't start."

"She's drunk isn't she?" Emily asked with a big smile.

"Now why on Earth would you guess that?" Cal asked with a frown.

"Um, because she was stumbling all over the place and had to clutch to your arm to hold herself up? I though it was cute." Emily said, throwing open the sheets on her bed. "Don't deny it." She said before he could defend the awkward situation.

He clenched his jaw and said, "Good night Emily."

.:.

Cal woke up to look outside and see the rain pouring down on the window. He sighed and looked at his phone. 8 missed calls. "Well isn't that lovely?" He asked, picking it up and examing all eight. All being from Terry. He called back.

"Cal?" Terry asked.

"Why do I have eight missed calls from you?"

"Because I NEED you to go talk to that one preacher. Like... 20 years ago you said if anyone in your family dies you said that you wanted him to do the funeral and I forgot his name." Terry said.

"Why do you need that so early?"

"Because he lives like 6 hours away and we need to make sure he can so we know if we need a different guy or not." Terry said quickly.

"Alright... I'll go down there today. Oh, but I promised Gill and Emily a day in London today." He complained.

"Today isn't a good day for that. Not with all this rain, but I can take 'em out if they still want it." Terry said with shrug.

"Alright, I'll leave right away." Cal said, hanging up.

He was changed quickly and was slipping his shoes on when Gillian came out of her room. She held her head and moaned, "I have a hangover?" She asked him.

"I'm surprised you would know what that feels like." Cal said with a chuckle. He stood up and pulled his jacket on.

"Where are you going?" She asked him.

He stared at her, holding in a laugh, "Out." He said with a large smile.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing." He said, taking his attention away from her crazy hair.

"There's something."

"Look in the mirror." He said, walking to the door, "Well bye."

"Wait. Why are you leaving so early? Where are you going?"

"It takes six hours to get there. I just need to talk to this guy." He said with a nodd.

"What about going out today?"

"It's raining. And Terry said if you really wanted to go then he would take you out." He swung the door open and said, "I need to hit the road."

"Wait. If you aren't going to take us out today then I want to come." She said, staring him down.

"I don't think that that would be very smart." He said.

.:.

He wasn't sure how it happened, but 45 minutes later he was sitting in the driver seat with Gillian beside him. Terry said he would look after Emily while they were gone and would take her around a bit.

"What happened last night?" Gillian asked.

Cal was doing math and wasn't paying attention to her, "So if we are leaving at... 8AM and it takes six hours to get there then... it will be 2PM... we will talk for an hour at most... so 3PM and then another six hours so 8AM... right?" He asked, turning to look at her.

"Um, no. We will get there are 9." She said staring at him, "Somebody needs to work on their math."

"Oh, yeah." He smiled, "So we should be back by nine. I will tell Terry not to take Em out for dinner, because we can still do that together. She can have a late lunch." He nodded and turned on the radio, "Music saves us from awkward silences." He chuckled and set his eyes on the road.

Gillian sighed in frustrated... they had 12 hours of car ride. She would fit it in somewhere.

.:.

Emily stared at the note on her bed, "Really dad?" She asked aloud. Her phone began to buzz and she picked it up, "Hello?"

"Hey Emily. It Terry. What should we do today?"

"Well... considering that it's raining outside... and dad ditched me... it's up to you." She said, getting out of bed and beginning to change.

"Well alright. I think we should see the Big Ben... but maybe not in the rain. Maybe we should leave the landmarks to another day. Let's just go out to breakfast at somewhere fun?"

"Sounds like a plan, but I need an hour or two to get ready." She said.

"Oh, you women. Alright. I'll be there around 10."

"Okie dokes." She said, hanging up.

.:.

They were soon at Indigo where she was staring down the menu, deciding what she might want.

"I would try the crepes. They are phenominal." Terry said with a big smile.

"Well alright then. The crepes it is." She smiled and turned to the waitress that had just appeared, "I'll take the crepes."

"Lovely." The woman said with a smile.

"Same." Terry said, setting his menu down. Once the woman left he said to Emily, "You could hang out in this place all day... it's amazing and huge. So we can probably do this all day." He said with a smile.

.:.

It had bee 4 hours already and Cal wasn't sure if he could take it anymore. The silence other than the rain pounding on the windsheild. It was getting darker outside as the rain went on. He stared out into the dark day and sighed, "This is crazy. What a gloomy day."

Gillian nodded and pulled her legs onto her seat and said, "I'm tired. I'm sleeping. Wake me up when we get there."

He looked at her and laughed, "Yeah if I'm feeling generous."

She smiled and closed her eyes.

.:.

"This is like a stuffed snake... with strawberries and raspberries and blueberries and whipped cream shoved down it's throat. But it tastes amazing." Emily said as she cut into her delicious breakfast.

"Who told you? Yeah, me." Terry said with a large smile.

"This is French right?"

"You are correct. Want a little history on crepes?"

"Not really no. I didn't skip out on two weeks of school to learn more." She said with a smile.

Terry clenched his jaw and nodded, remembering why is was that she was here. It was only on rare occasions that he forgot about what happened. Around Cal, GIllian, and Emily They made him happy. They made him forget about his own mistake. His and Cal's. He knew that Cal blamed himself for Collin's death. Well, Terry blamed himself as well.

.:.

"Shit... shit, shit, shit, shit, shiiiiiiit!" Cal yelled, banging on the dashboard. "NO! Don't do this to me... SHIT!" He yelled again as the car slowed to a stop, "DAMNIT!" He yelled, getting out of the car.

A chill shot through his body when the cold rain began pounding on his head and back. He through open the front of the car and coughed as smoke flew out of it, "Damn rental." He hissed, waving the smoke away, "You have got to be kidding me!" He stared into the dark engine and could see anything. He sighed and kicked the wheel of the car as he made his way back into it.

He yanked out his phone and called Terry, "What?" Terry asked, smiling at Emily who was trying to figure out how to get through the cheese on her french onion soup.

"Hey we will be back around nine, so don't take her out for dinner."

"Alright." Terry said with a shrug.

"We broke down. I need you to come get us." Cal said.

"What? Five hours in?" Terry asked.

"Where are you?"

"Um... we are near the-"

"Hello?" Terry asked.

"Hello?" Cal asked. After no answer he pulled his phone from his ear and yelled, "WHY?" He threw his dead phone into his pocket and yelled out in frustration, "Holy shit! Really?" He asked, looking up into the sky, "What did I do wrong?"

After he finally calmed down he placed a hand on Gillian's shoulder and shook it gently.

"What?" She asked, shooting up and rubbing her eyes.

"This shitty car broke down. We will have to walk." He said, biting his lip.

"What?" She asked with a frown.

"We need to walk. Come on." He said, reaching down towards her legs and pulling an umbrella out, "Let's go."

She opened the door and walked around the car, "What happened?"

"I don't know and I don't have a flashlight to see. So we walk to the nearest... place." He said, opening up the umbrella and holding it up over her head.

"Call Terry."

"My phone is dead. Do you have yours?"

She went digging through her purse and about ten minutes later she looked at him with a look of dismay, "No."

"Of course not. So we walk." He pulled her with him and began trudging through the muddy grassy ground.

"Cal, you are getting all wet." She said, pushing his hand that was holding the umbrella over her head towards him.

"I'm fine." He said, shivering slightly.

"No. You are going to get sick."

"Well if I don't get wet then you will." He said.

.:.

Terry looked at Emily with a frown.

"Who was that?" She asked.

"Your dad, but I think his phone just died." Terry said, scratching his chin.

"Um, what was he telling you?" She asked.

"He said they broke down."

"Are they okay?" She asked.

"I am sure that they will figure it out." He said with a shrug, "They are five hours in. I'm not driving that much." Terry said with a chuckle.

Emily nodded and said, "Alright. I am sure they will be fine."

.:.

Cal was numb to the bone by the time they could see any light in the distance. He had to squint to make out the small motel. "Finally..." He shivered, shaking. His clothes were soaked and his was shaking and couldn't seem to stop. He ran a hand through his hair, but it was wet and only made his hands colder. He would shove them into his pockets, but those were too wet.

Gillian looked at him and sighed, "Oh my goodness Cal. Look at you."

He frowned and said, "What do I look like?"

"Your lips are purple and you are shaking like a really really old person." She said, laughing slightly, "You are going to get sick. Take the umbrella Cal."

"No. W-W-What's the p-point in both of us g-g-getting sick?" He asked.

"We are almost there. I can't get THAT wet." She said, shoving the umbrella towards him.

"No it's fine. How much more sick can I get? Keep it." He said, holding his hand over her head.

.:.

They were there about twenty minutes later and Cal could barely stand he was so cold and tired. Gillian held onto his wet arm and dragged him into the crappy motel, "We need a room." She said to the man at the counter.

"Whoa. And some dry clothes?"

"That would be nice."

"It'll cast you extra. Plus it will take about two hours so I can wash some." The man said with a smile.

"Whatever." Gillian said, taking the key from his outstretched hand, "Thanks." She stuffed it into her purse and pulled him to the room.

She swung open the door and stared at the room. One bed with ugly sheets that were probably dirty too. She let go of Cal and let him fall onto the bed. He moaned and curled up, pulling at the thick blanket that was underneath him.

.:.

An hour later, she had showered and he was wide awake and moving around. The warm room seemed to bring him back to life. He was still shivering in the soaking wet clothes, but at least there wasn't a cold wind to make it worse.

He was pale and shaking, and was pulling up the sheets on the bed.

"Nope. You are sleeping on the floor." She said with a smile.

"Oh, but I'm sick. I could die of being so cold. I need the bed." He complained.

"Nuh uh." She said, shaking her head.

"Well then." He said, standing in the middle of the room and sighing heavily when the power went out, "You have got to be fuckin' kidding me." He hissed. He dropped his hands to his sides and shook his head.

"It's okay Cal. Don't worry. We can figure this out."

"UHH..." He said madly.

.:.

Once everything was settled down and he was laying on the ground and there was a small candle on the table in the room and Cal was in dry clothes they started talking. "Cal, what happened last night?" Gillian asked him, leaning on her head and looking down at him on the floor.

"You don't wanna know." He said, placing his hands behind his head.

"Yes I do. Was it that bad?"

"Oh, you'd hate yourself." He said with a chuckle.

"Well now you are making me want to know even more!" She said with a laugh.

"Do you really want to know?" He asked, an idea coming to him.

"Yes, I do." She said.

"It would be easier for me to SHOW you." He said with a mischevious smile.

"Okay..." She said.

"Well first," He said, standing up and taking her hand. He pulled her from the bed and smiled, "You were drunk off your head and you were just falling all over the place, including me." He said stepping away from her, "Then you said in this sweet little voice that I just couldn't resist, 'Kiss me Cal'... and me, being the gentleman that I am said no. You need to be in your right mind before you ask for something so big." He said with a smile.

"No I didn't." She said.

"Oh, but you did. Then you laid your tiny little hands on my chest and said it again... and you said, and I quote 'So you will 'shag' Lisa, but you won't give me one little kiss?' It was quite comical actually." He said, taking her hands and placing them on his chest.

She shook her head and smiled, "What did I do next?" She asked although she didn't believe a word of what he was saying.

"Well then." He looked down. Thank God she wasn't wearing a dress today. He slid his hands down her side and slipped his fingers into the belt loops of her jeans, "You slipped your fingers in there and gave me a little tug." He pulled her forward and she reluctantly fell towards him, "And you looked up at me with those big green eyes..." He was completely serious now, replaying every moment of the night before.

She could see that he was serious now as well and it worried her. Did she really do that?

"And you told me to kiss you. So I did." He said, leaning towards her.

She stared up at him and could see what was coming. She stood up on her toes and pressed their lips together, tasting the familiar flavor that proved that last night really did happen. She slid her arms to his chest and grabbed his shirt, just like she had the night before. He pulled his fingers from the loops and rested them on her hips, pulling her closer to him. He leaned down father so she could stand straigh and brought his hands to her head where he got his hands tangled in her hair.

After several minutes of a true, passionate, deep kiss. They pulled away, gasping for precious air. She stared up at him and said, "Then what?"

"I said I was sorry. And that is was time for bed." He whispered, staring down into her eyes, "I took you back to the room and put you in bed before anything else could happen." He said. His hands kept their place in her hair, for he had no intention of taking them out anytime soon.

Her hands held his shirt in tight fists, for she was still holding on to that precious moment of just seconds before. "You did?"

"I didn't want you to get mad at me." He whispered, "How could you ever trust me if I had take advantage of you when you were drunk?" He asked her.

"Thank you." She whispered, "But I do really want it now."

"I was hoping you would say that." He leaned down and laid his lips on hers, sending chills down her back.

**A/N: I am SOOO sorry for it being so damn long, but I just didn't have a good place to stop... I hope you enjoyed the CALLIAN! OHHH YEAH! Lol, leave long comments for me to read because I wont put up again until Late Sunday or Monday because I have a 16 hour road trip back home, but I MIGHT be able to squeeze one in tomorrow on the last day of the year... :( but definitely one in one of th first two days of the new year ^.^**


	17. A Good Night Kiss

**A/N: ummmmmm... he actually still has his wet clothes, mkay? alright!**

His wet shirt dripped from her strong grip. Although he was still freezing... it was like having a cold shower in the middle of this very heated up moment. He pushed her up against the wall and slipped his tongue into her open mouth. As he explored it, he couldn't help but smile like a little girl. He was kissing her and she was kising him. He had been waiting for this moment for years! He had gotten so close, but now it was really happening.

They both fell back onto the bed and he kneeled over her, one knee on each side of her small body. He held her between his legs tightly and leaned down to kiss her.

She ran her hands over his chest, trying to unbutton his shirt with her now numb fingers from the cold wetness. Her hands were shaking as she tried to quickly undress him and keep the kiss going.

He pulled away for a seconf, gasping for air. He looked down at her trembling hands and smiled. He began to unbutton his shirt and leaned towards her to continue the amazing kiss.

After he got it unbuttoned she threw it off of his shoulders and ran her hands over his bare and muscular chest.

He moaned at the soft touch of her hands on his body. If only she knew what she could do to him.

As his hands slid down to the bottom of her shirt and started to slip it over her head he began coughing. He pulled away from the kiss and turned away to cough.

Gillian laid down and let her chest rise quickly with every deep breath she took, trying to find the breath that Cal had taken away so easily.

He got off of the bed and turned away, coughing badly.

She watched as the muscles in his back flexed with every cough. She stood up and placed her hands on his back, "You're sick." She whispered.

"No..." He said in a raspy voice. "That cannot be happening. Not tonight." He turned around, watching as her hands slid from his back to his chest. "I'm fine." He whispered.

He started to kiss her again and she pressed her hand to his forehead and said, "Cal. You are really hot."

"Oh, why thank you." He said, with a smile, pushing her back down on the bed.

"No. Stop. You are sick and this won't help. You need to sleep." She said, standing up, "I will go see if he has any dry clothes for you."

"Gillian I am fine. You seriously going to leave me after THAT." He said with wide eyes.

"You are sweating Cal."

"Did you SEE what just happened. Damn right I'm sweating!" He said, standing up.

"No you are sick and we can't do this if you are sick." She said, holding a hand up to him.

"You have got to be kidding me." He said, falling backwards onto the bed.

"Cal." She said, walking over to him and laying a hand on his chest. "It's not that I don't want to do this with you because I definitely do... but you are sick and that could be dangerous for both of us. We will have plenty of other chances. Besides. I told you to take the umbrella or you were going to get sick." She could have said this from her place by the door, but she needed a reason to touch him, to hold him, to prove that they really had almost gone that far. His stupid coughing and stubbornness! If he had just taken the damn umbrella then this wouldn't have happened!

He stared at her and placed his hands on her hips, "So you get to see me half naked, but I don't get to see anything?" He asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Oh, shut up Cal." She said, turning away and starting to walk, but he kept his hands on her hips and pulled her back, "Nope."

"I just want to get you some dry clothes Cal."

"Who needs clothes?" He asked.

"They aren't mine anyway and I need special clothes so I don't get a rash." He said with a big smile.

"Stop." She said, holding back her own smile.

"Seriously. What better way to get dry than to just not have any clothes at all?"

"Because I am not sleeping next to a naked man tonight."

"Oh so you WILL sleep with me?" He asked with a smile.

"If you have clothes on."

"Looks like I'm on the floor." He said with a mischevious smile.

She knew he was up to something, but who could ever guess with him? She rolled her eyes and said, "Whatever. Don't come close to me unless you have clothes on."

"Well yes ma'am." He said with a smile, "I'd blow out the candle if you don't want to see the family jewels."

"Really Cal?" She asked, lightly blowing on the candle.

He coughed two more times and then she heard the loud slap of his wet clothes on the ground.

"Cal." SHe said.

"What?" He asked, yanking up the blankets on the bed and getting in.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm going to bed." He said.

"Um, no. You are on the floor."

"What are you going to do about it? Push my naked body?" He asked and she could hear the smile in his voice. He coughed again and this time moaned.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothin." He said, holding his throbbing head.

"You have a headache don't you? I was spot on!" She said with a laughed and then said, "Sorry." to his next moan, "Are you okay?"

"It's nothing." He said, throwing open the blanket on the bed and moving to the floor where he quickly fell asleep.

Gillian raised an eyebrow. Did he really just move? He really must not be feeling good if he didn't put up any arguement when she tried to get him to leave. "Thank you." She whispered.

He moaned again and pulled the thin blanket over his body and shivered.

She lit the candle again and looked over the edge of the bed to see him huddled in the small blanket, "Cal..." SHe whispered, shaking her head. She yanked the big blanket from the bed and threw it over his shaking body, "You could have told me that you were cold." She said, lightly combing through his hair with her fingers. She knelt beside his head and said, "Good night. Feel better." She kissed his cheek and then he turned, pressing their lips together. She laid a hand on both sides of his head and leaned farther down, deepening the kiss.

He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her onto his lap.

He was hot and she could feel it in his cheeks that she was holding, but she didn't care. It was just a good night kiss, right? Wrong.

**A/N: OH SNAP. Lol, please leave comments!**


	18. Clothes Aren't Fun

He could feel the cough coming, but it took everything he had to hold that damn thing in. His hands ran all over her body, trying to take in every little perfect part of her.

Her hands rested on his shoulders, holding to them tightly. She could die happily right now. She could barely hold on to him. He was blowing her away.

He didn't really feel like he was doing much to her other than a simple kiss, but she seemed to be amazed by it. That made him happy. To think that he could make her so happy with just a small kiss. Imagine what he could do to her in bed.

.:.

Emily sat in the hotel room, throwing a small bouncy ball that she had up into the air and catching it.

Terry appeared from the door and said, "The power is down everywhere. I can't call them or any hotels near the area they broke down."

She looked to him and sighed, "They will be fine right?"

"I am sure they will be. There are hotels and motels around... I just can't call them because of the power outage. Don't worry. We should be able to call tomorrow." He said with a reassuring smile.

"Alright..." She said, spinning the ball between her fingers, "What are we going to do tonight?"

"Sleep. I'll just order room service." Terry said, picking up the phone by the bed.

.:.

It was now that she noticed that it was only that thin blanket between her and Cal's body. She had clothes on, but he didn't. They needed to stop. Not until he wasn't sick anymore. The heat from his body was radiating onto her and worrying her even more. What if he has pneumonia? That would be very bad. She was moving with the rhythm of his body, her hips swaying with his, but she finally pulled away and gasped for air, "We need to stop." She whispered, pulling her hands out of his hair.

His hands fell from her face and he looked down at the blanket that was just barely above his waist. If they had gone any farther that blanket would have come right off. She grabbed the edge of the blanket and pulled it up over his chest. "I am sure that your tempurature is in the hundreds." She whispered, standing up and straightening her dress.

"Why am I so damn cold then?" He asked her.

"Because your sick. That's what happens." She said, walking away and going into the bathroom, "I will be right back."

"Where are you going?" He asked, sitting up and then falling back down from the sudden headache.

"To get a thermometer. Get on the bed, I'll be back in no more than ten minutes." She said with a small smile.

After she was gone he stood up and - trying to ignore the dizziness - threw the huge blanket onto the bed and then laid down on the big soft mattress. It was a sucky room, but it was a nice bed. He pulled the blanket over his cold body and curled up, letting his eyes fall. There was no use in trying to get anywhere with her tonight. Just sleep.

.:.

"I need a thermometer." Gillian said, walking into the lobby of the motel.

"Why?" The man asked, "I'm Tony, by the way." He said with a smile.

"Alright... Tony... My friend is sick from the rain and I need a thermometer to find out his temperature." She said quickly.

"Alright... well he ain't gonna get much better because since the power is down so is the heat... so this ain't a good place for him to be sick, but I can bring up more blankets from the storage closet." Tony said with a small nod.

"Ok, thank you. That would be great. Can I still have a thermometer though?" She asked.

"Yeah, Wait a sec." He said, walking into the back room with a flashlight in his hand.

She leaned against the counter, shivereing slightly, it was getting cold. Stupid power outage. When were they going to be able to go back to the hotel? They could be stranded out here for days if the weather kept up. Once the power goes on she can call Terry, but until then there are no calls coming in or going out.

"Here ya go. I'll be there in about 30 minutes with the blankets and some Tylenol, but that's all I have. And I will bring the dry clothes with me. I have some clothes from my wife... she's dead now, but they are clean and mos of them are new."

"Alright, it's better than nothing. And if I could just get some pajamas that would be great." She said, taking the thermometer and walking back to the room.

.:.

She held it in his mouth until the beep and then looked at it, "Holy shit."

"What?" He asked, barely able to hold his eyes open. Making out with a woman and being really very sick can take a lot out of you.

"It's 103! Cal. You are really sick. Go to sleep." She lightly laid her hand on his cheek and said, "Sleep."

"It's too cold." He mumbled.

"Tony is going to bring some more blankets." She said.

"Tony?"

"They guy who owns this place." She said with a small smile.

"Where are you going to sleep?" He asked.

"Right next to you. They best way to keep warm is body heat right?" She asked.

"Well alright." He said, opening the blanket for her to slip in.

"No. Tony is bringing up clothes for both of us. I will get in that bed with you once you have clothes on." She said, pulling the blanket down so she didn't see anything.

"I don't wear clothes when I sleep." He said witha shrug.

"Why?" She asked like he was stupid.

"They contain me too much." He said with a smile, "Clothes aren't fun. Plus I get too hot."

"Not when you are freezing cold you won't." She said.

"Well I won't wear a shirt and you can't make me." He said stubbornly.

"Whatever." She said, walking over to the couch and sitting down, staring up at the roof.

.:.

There was a loud knock on the door and Gillian made her way over and swing it open, "Thank you." She said, opening it more to let Tony in.

He walked in and looked at the sick and sleeping Cal on the bed.

"Shh... He's a light sleeper." Gillian said.

"Alright. Well, if you need anything else I will be down in the front lobby." He lightly laid the blankets and clothing on the bed and then smiled at her.

"Thank you." She said again as he walked out.

Cal opened his eyes and looked at her, "What happened?"

"It was just Tony with some clothes." She said, handing him the flannel pants.

"I'm too weak to change myself." He complained with a small and weak smile.

"Aww... you're going to have to figure it out. I will be in the bathroom. You better have pants on when I come out."

"And if I don't?"

"It won't just be a cold that you have tonight."

"Rawr." He said, watching her walk into the bathroom.

He jumped up from the bed and pulled the pants up above his bellybutton. They fell down to his waist, "They are too big for me."

"Oh well." She called out.

"What if they fall off?"

"It's better then them not being there at all." She said, pulling a thin flannel shirt over her head.

"Kay." He said, pulling the blankets from the pile and throwing them into the air, allowing them to spread out. He threw it over the bed and then went for the next one. Then the next. Then the next. Then finally the last. He smiled and yanked all the blankets up and slipped under them, "Ahh..." He sighed in delight as the pile of blankets warmed him slightly.

She came out, grabbed his wet clothing from the floor and walked back into the bathroom, hanging them up in the shower. She then walked out and said, "What are you hiding under all those blankets?"

"Pants. Unfortunately." He said with a wide smile.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like shit, but let's not worry about that." He said, patting the open space in the bed beside him.

She nodded and got into the bed beside him. She placed her hand on his forehead and said, "You are hotter than before."

"You know how I take that, right?" He asked with a smile.

"Oh, shut up."

"Harsh." He said, putting his hand to his chest like he was hurt.

She fell down beside him and sighed, "This is crazy."

"What?"

"This!" She said, throwing her hands into the air. "The rain. No power. You getting sick. No heat! Cal this sucks."

He nodded and said, "But you have me so it's okay."

"Hardly." She said, pulling the blanket over her shoulder. She turned and looked at him. Her hand found his chest and she lightly twisted the hair that was on it.

He placed his hand on hers and said, "Are you cold?"

"Not with all these blankets. Are you?" She asked, leaning on her arm and looked at him curiously.

"Freezing." He said, scooting closer to her.

She rubbed his chest and pulled the blanket away from him.

"Why'd you do that?"

"To make sure you have pants on."

"What if I didn't?" He asked.

"I would smack you." She said with a shrug.

"Good thing I do." He said with a smile.

"Yes it is." She closed her eyes and said, "Sleep. You are really sick and staying up all night won't help."

He coughed and nodded, "Good night Gill."

"Good night Cal."

.:.

It wasn't too long before he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into his chest. He laid his head on her shoulder and fell asleep soundly. It had been a long time since he had just slept with a woman, nothing more. Just sleep. He missed that thing. He missed Zoe's presence every night. He missed rolling over and not having a woman to grab and cuddle with.

He was lucky that Gillian was willing. Plus, she was so damn warm. He couldn't resist her body that seemed to cover him in it's own blanket. His grip seemed to tighten around her waist and he buried his face in her neck, breathing heavily.

She wasn't tired at all. She could hear his breath steady, which meant that he was sleeping. She lightly stroked the back of his hand that was lying on her stomach. She pulled at his fingers and finally spun around in his arms so she was looking at him. He looked peaceful when he slept. His hair was a little crazy. He looked a little drained. Like he wasn't fully alive. He was pale. Well that's what happens when you get sick.

She placed her hand on his chest and rubbed it slightly, smiling at his low moan. She let her head fall onto his arm and got deeper under the blankets and closer to his cold body, "I think I love you Cal..." She whispered. She knew he was asleep and probably couldn't hear it, but she still felt like she needed to say it. She kissed his chest and then closed her eyes, trying to make herself go to sleep.

.:.

He rolled off the couch and crawled into the bathroom just in time to puke into the toilet. He coughed several more times, allowing to let the fluids flow out of him. He held the edges of the seat and braced himself for the jolting actions of when he puked.

Gillian stood behind him, rubbing his back and looking away.

Once he finally fell back he held himself up with his hands on his knees and gasped for air. He took one last deep breath and leaned against the wall.

She slipped down and sat next to him, handing him a washcloth. He took it and wiped his mouth, taking the cup of water from her hands with a weak smile. He gulped it down fast and set the cup down at his side. He hit his head on the wall and sat there with his eyes falling again. He was so exhausted.

.:.

"Don't worry baby brother. It'll pass fast." Collin assured Cal, slapping him on the back.

"I feel so crappy." Cal moaned, squeezing his eyes shut, "How would it pass fast?"

"I just mean the pain. That's why you have crutches. The pain won't last for a long time and while it is hurting, you have crutches so you can stay off your leg. And plus... now you have cool story about how you broke your leg." Collin said with a large smile.

"I guess." Cal said, rubbing his wounded leg. He stood up and placed the crutches under his arms, "Have you ever broken a bone?"

"I am 16 baby brother. In answer to your question... tons of times! Broken leg, broken nose, broken arm, broken foot, sprained wrist... you know. Pretty much anything that you CAN break." He said with a chuckle.

Cal nodded and limped into the kitchen.

**A/N: Well, there was a long awaited for flashback with little Cal and his broken leg... AWWW... well now I guess Gillian will get to play doctor, hey? Well it's a marathon of Lie to Me's for me tonight, so I will be inspired ALL night long and will try to get up another chapter before tomorrow... HAPPY NEW YEAR! PLease leave me some reviews.**


	19. Advice

He had calmed down and was leaning against the wall in the bathroom again with Gillian by his side. They hadn't said a word. She was just silently 'sh-ing' him and rubbing his back and he was silently taking the sympathy.

"Damn." He said madly.

She smiled and nodded.

He placed one hand on the wall and pushed himself up, "You remember that time when Burns was taken hotage and beaten up by those teenagers... and I had to get them to see that he was innocent?" Cal asked once he was standing up straight.

"Um. Yes." Gillian said, holding onto his arm and helping him up.

"And when he said that I should just admit that I want you?" Cal asked, walking closely towards her.

"Yes." She whispered, stepping back.

"Well..." He whispered, itching his head, searching for the right words to say, "Nevermind." He shook his head and walked over to the bed, "I think I'm done puking for now. Night love." He laid down on the bed and sighed. He was so stupid. Just shut up and sleep.

"Cal." She whispered, walking over.

"What?" He asked, keeping his eyes closed.

"I want to be with you and be able to love you. But this is not a good time. Not in London. Have you forgotten why we came? We need to hold off on..." She gestured to his half naked body and sighed, "all of this."

He stared at her and said, "Are you breaking up with me before we even started going out?"

She shook her head and said, "No. We just shouldn't be doing this right now. It isn't a good idea. Wait till we get back to DC and then see how we feel about each other. You could just be doing this out of sadness and not even know it or I could be doing it out of sympathy and not even realize it until I decide I'm done with you in DC." She whispered, "There is no way to just know, so we need to wait until after the funeral and all that." She said.

"Of course we do." He said, turning around in the bed and looking away from her, "You're welcome to stay on the bed. Sorry if I touch you." He said, huddling himself up in the blanket.

She sighed and laid down beside him. She hated doing this to him, but they both knew that it was the right thing. His feelings, along with hers, could be blocking their better judgement. They needed to just stop and thik this over.

If she hadn't gotten drunk the night before... this never would have happened. This was all her fault! She started it all and now she was hurting him. "I'm sorry." She whispered, but he was asleep now.

She bit her lip and closed her eyes, listening to his even breathing. Why was she so stupid? She has wanted this man since they met. Even more so after she and Alec seperated, but she was ruining her chances. Maybe they just weren't meant to be.

Or maybe they were and she just made the worst decision ever. She should be closer to him, feeling his heat on her body. She was cold. Too cold. She pulled the blanket over her shoulders and shivered.

.:.

He woke up before her and looked over her body. She was shivering so he pulled the other blankets over her small body and tucked them under her. "Sleep tight." He whispered, standing up and stretching. He walked into the bathroom to find his shirt from yesterday dry and folded up by the sink. It was dirty, but it was dry. He pulled it over his head and then grabbed his coat from the couch.

He walked outside and looked into the grey sky. It was still pouring so he walked back in before he got his clothes wet again. He stopped at the counter in the front and smiled at the man, "You're Tony?"

"That's me. You look a lot better then you did last night." Tony said, shaking Cal's hand.

"Oh yeah? How'd I look last night, huh?" Cal asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Pretty shitty, I'd say." Tony said with a nod.

Cal bit his lip and said, "Did that girl I am with... did she seem any different from when she talked to you about the thermometer to when you brought up the blankets?" Cal asked, turning his head and staring at the man.

"Um, no. Why does she seem different to you?"

"No... just farther away."

"Nope. Sorry."

"Alright. Well, you got any decent food?"

"Yeah, I'd say so."

.:.

"Baby brother." Collin said slapping his brother on the back.

"What are you doing here Collin?" Cal asked, smiling at Emily who was playing with some friends.

"I just wanted to say hey. You know." Collin whispered.

"You never JUST want to say hey." Cal said, his jaw clenched.

"Well maybe I do this time."

Cal shook his head and stared at Emily. "She's 7 now." Cal whispered.

"I'm happy for you. That's great." Collin said, "I just need a small loan."

"What'd I tell ya? You always need something from me! Well I can't just give you money whenever you need it. What the hell do you need it for this time?" Cal asked, standing up and taking a sip of his beer.

"I got in a little trouble-"

"Lemme guess." Cal said, "Gambling?" Collin nodded and he laughed, "You need to settle down. Get a wife. Why don't you marry Lisa? You already stole her from me, why don't you make it official?" Cal hissed.

"Don't be like that." Collin said, walking up to Cal.

"Be like what? This needs to stop Collin! You don't even have a bloody life! You drink and sleep with random women and you gamble and then think that you can 'get a loan' from me, but do you know how much you are in debt?" Collin shook his head and stared up at his younger brother, "Twenty thousand. That's right Collin. I am falling under because of you! No more. I have a business to run and a wife and daughter to love. So fix your problem or get out of my life." Cal said, walking away.

Gillian smiled at Emily and looked up at Cal and Collin arguing. She had no clue that Cal had so many family problems. His mother's suicide. His brother was a total loner and couldn't take care of himself. His father ditching them. She filled with sympathy for him. She then though about Alec. She thought she was lucky. She had a beautiful baby girl, Sophie. She had an amazing husband that loved her, "I'll be right back." She whispered to Emily.

"Sure." Emily said, trying to not pay attention to her father and uncle's argument.

Gillian walked over to Cal and said, "Is everything alright?"

Cal looked at her and just closed his eyes for a second and then walked away. Collin walked up and looked at Gillian, "Be careful around him."

"He's married." She said, not wanting to talk to Collin.

"Their marriage won't last for long. I doubt it will last more than 8 years. And once it crumbles... he will pull you under. Not right away, but eventually... don't trust him. He has a bad habit of moving on." Collin whispered.

She stared at him and said, "Why are you telling me this?"

"Just remember this when you kiss him or touch him. He isn't the kind to settle down when he loses someone he loves. After he lost Lisa... he fell apart. When he loses Zoe... it'll be the same. I'm just warning you. He will sleep with you then move on."

"I don't think I need advice from you." She said, walking away.

"Don't say I didn't warn you." Collin called at her as she walked back to Emily.

When Cal invited her to a family barbecue she didn't imagine a fight between he and his brother. That wasn't supposed to happen.

"I'm sorry love." Cal said to her once she walked inside, "He wasn't supposed to be here."

"It's okay." She said, staring at the fascinating man in front of her.

**A/N: Well that is before Collin got his life together and after other things lol. Nine years ago. And that is also why Gillian doesn't want to continue with Cal because she is taking to heart what Collin told her nine years ago. You MIGHT find out why she is bothering to listen to him or you might not... depends on my mood. :P Please leave reviews and thank you very much for reading ^.^**


	20. I'll Keep You Warm

She sat up and rubbed her face. She needed that memory OUT of her head. Right now. It was only pulling her away from Cal. What if Collin was right? What if Cal did just sleep with her and then move on? That was what she scared of the most.

He walked in with a tray of pancakes and he smiled at her, "You are awake finally."

"How are you feeling?" She asked with a smile.

Cal shrugged, "Oh you know. A little better, but still pretty shitty." He set the tray down on the bed and crawled back on, picking at the pancakes. He leaned against the headboard of the bed and asked, "Did you get a good nights sleep?"

"Yes, thank you." She whispered, "How about you?"

"Sure." He whispered, "Power is still down."

"Isn't that just great?" She asked, standing up and walked into the bathroom.

"Thank you for taking care of my clothes." Cal said to her.

"Oh. No problem." She said, shutting the door and beginning to get changed.

.:.

"Is the power still out?" Emily asked Terry once he finally woke up.

"Yeah. Sorry love, but it's really bad. Hasn't been like this in a while and now they are calling for snow. It's crazy." He shook his heand itched his chin, "I'm really sorry this had to happen."

"Um, if you need to make funeral arrangements... go ahead. I will be just fine alone." She said with a shrug.

He nodded and said, "Thanks. That' really helpful."

.:.

Cal had seemed to get hotter as the day went on so Gillian forced him to go back to bed. Tony came up in the afternoon and said, "How's he doing?"

"He'll be fine." She said with a smile.

"Alright, well it's looking like some snow it coming. No calls going in or out so I think you two will be stranded here for a little while." He said with a look of dismay.

"Ok. Well you can't change the weather." She said with a shrug, "Thanks for the update."

Tony nodded and stepped out.

She looked at the sleeping Cal and sighed. She sat down next to him on the bed and let her head fall against the headboard. She sighed heavily and put her hand on his forehead, "Gosh Cal..." She whispered, scooting down and laying down beside him. She laid her hand on his cheek and kissed his nose, "Feel better."

He groaned and rolled over, facing her. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into his chest. He laid his head on her neck and took a deep breath. His breath slowly evened out and he eventually fell deep in sleep again.

.:.

She woke up about twenty minutes to Cal mumbling something. She sat up and stared at him, "Cal? Are you okay?"

He rolled around a little bit and coughed, "Why?" He asked with a pained look on his face.

Gillian held his neck and got into his face, "Cal Calm down. What's wrong?"

"Why did he do that?" He asked her, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Who?" She asked.

"Does't he know?" Cal asked.

"What are you talking about?" She asked, rubbing his cheek, "Cal."

"He didn't just kill himself! He killed all of us along with him!" Cal yelled at her.

"Collin?" She asked.

"I loved him..." Cal whispered, looking down.

She stared at him and nodded, "Cal, it's okay..." She looked into his sad eyes and said, "It's okay."

"No it isn't. He is gone, Gill!" He coughed and held his stomach, "Ah..." He whispered.

"Go back to sleep." She whispered. She lightly caressed his warm cheek and smiled, "It was a dream... go back to sleep."

He looked up at her with sad eyes as they drifted back into sleep.

She sighed and leaned against the headboard, unable to sleep knowing that he was so sad and sick.

.:.

He woke up an hour later and ran to the bathroom where there was a repeat of last night. It made her sad to think that he had been so bad last night, then he had gotten better this morning and even brought her breakfast and now he was horrible again.

She followed him in and rubbed his back as his body jolted with each puke. He coughed several times and fell back after it was all done, "Is there any medicine I can take?" He asked in a dried out voice, looking up at her.

"Yeah, wait a sec." She said, walking away and coming back with the small bottle of tylenol, "Here."

He took three and let his eyes fall, falling asleep on the floor.

"No, no." Gillian said, grabbing his arms and pulling him up, "You need to go back to the bed."

He moaned and shook his head, "I'm too tired..."

"You are not going to sleep on the bathroom floor, "Come on babe." She said, pulling him.

His eyes shot open and he looked up at her, "What did you just say?"

"I said come on..." She said, staring down at him.

"You said come on... babe." He said with a growing smile.

"No I didn't!" She argued, letting go of his arm and putting her hands on her hips.

He groaned as he stood up and leaned against the wall, "Yes you did. You just did. You called me babe." He said, staring at her.

She looked at him and shook her head, "You can't prove that."

"I don't need to because we both know that it's true. I like that. You should call me babe more often." He smiled and fell forward as she took his hand and took him back to the bed.

"Go to bed." She yanked up the covers and watched as he crawled in. She smiled and nodded, walking over to the couch and lazily sat down.

He stared at her until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore, "Good night love." He whispered.

"Good night Cal." She said with a small smile.

.:.

She found herself crawling back into the bed after he had been asleep and she was cold. She got under the covers and looked at him with a smile.

He opened one eye and looked at her, "So, you joined me?"

"Is that what it looks like?" She asked.

"Mhm..." He hummed.

"Then yes I did." She scooted closer to him and laid a hand on his hot chest, "You are really warm."

"I feel really cold."

"Me too." She whispered.

He put his hands around her and grabbed her by the back, dragging her into his chest, "I'll keep you warm." He whispered.

**A/N: AWWWW "I'll keep you warm." JUST ADORABLE! Lol, so leave comments and let me know what you think? Also go on youtube and watch the Funhouse promo for Lie to Me... it's looking REALLY good! I can't wait. Let me know what you think of the upcoming episode! Remember it's TWOOOO episodes next monday!**


	21. Did You Want It?

Once again, right before she could finally rest her exhausted eyes, Cal was awake and coughing. She met him in the bathroom, rubbing his back as usual. The same thing seemed to happen. He fell bcak against the wall, almost fell asleep, until she managed to get him back to bed.

He stared at her with sad eyes and said, "Get a different room love."

She frowned and said, "Why?"

"You aren't able to get any sleep. I'm keeping you up day and night. You're getting bags under your eyes." He whispered.

"No, I'm fine." She said, shaking her head.

"Really, darlin'... I can take care of myself..." He assured her.

"No, Cal. Really. I don't mind being here. You are sick and you need someone here." She said, sitting beside him on the edge of the bed.

He looked at her and sighed, "No. I don't need anybody to take care of me. I need to take care of myself... as do you. You are sleep-deprived and won't make it much longer." He said with worry in his eyes.

She smiled and said, "I am glad that you are worried for me... but really Cal... I am perfectly fine. Now go back to bed."

"Not until you do." He said.

She sighed and said, "I will sleep... but in here."

He rolled his eyes and said, "Alright. But next time. Don't get up. Just let me take care of myself."

She nodded.

"Promise?" He asked.

"I promise." She said with a small smile as she got under the mountain of blankets.

.:.

He woke up about an hour later and stared at the sleeping Gillian. This was the first time she had slept in at least two days. He felt guilty for having kept her up so much. He slowly crawled out of the bed and took a shower.

He let the water pound down on his warm face and sighed.

After cleaning up he put on some clothes and walked to the front lobby where Tony was. "Hey, can I get a different room?" Cal asked him.

"Why?" Tony asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Does it matter?" Cal asked.

Tony shrugged and handed him a key, "I got a guy coming out tomorrow to look at the heater and phone stuff."

"Alright, what time is it?" Cal asked, turning to look at him.

"Um... one in the morning." Tony said with a yawn.

"Alright thanks." Cal said, walking to his new room. He walked in and stared at the wimpy amount of blankets, "Shit..." He whispered. He shrugged and started to feel really hot. "Really?" He asked with a frown. He pulled off his shirt and laid on top of the bed, not bothering to get under the covers, it was too hot.

He soon fell asleep, feeling as though he had double the blankets that he had had in the other room on him.

.:.

"So... you guys aren't dating or anything?" Collin asked, staring at Gillian.

"No we aren't." Cal whispered, looking at her longingly.

Collin looked at Cal and chuckled, "Oh, but you want her, do you?"

Cal bit his lip and turned his head, "Yeah... I do..."

"Go get that bitch." Collin said with another laugh.

"Don't... do that." Cal said, annoyed.

"Do what?"

"Call her a bitch." Cal said, looking at his brother.

"Ok, sorry." Collin whispered, patting his brother's back. "You are free... and Emily seems to like her. I'd go for it." He stood up.

"Wait." Cal said, grabbing Collin's arm.

"What?" Collin asked, sitting back down.

"I can't just... go for it. She's bloody precise and I don't want to be the wrong thing for her..." Cal whispered.

"Do you SEE the way she looks at you?" Collin asked.

"How does she look at me?" Cal asked.

"Wow, baby brother... and I thought you were the 'reader of faces'. That's what Terry told me. Sounds like a bloody scam." Collin laughed and crossed his legs.

"How does she look at me?" Cal pushed.

"Like she loves you." Collin said finally.

Cal stared at him and said, "No, really."

"I'm serious. Now I gotta run. Have a good day." He smiled and gave Emily a hug and was gone.

.:.

"Get out of my fuckin' life!"

"What did I do wrong?" Collin yelled.

"You start hitting on Gillian when you are already married to Lisa! You bloody bastard! You don't care about anyone, but yourself!" Cal yelled.

"That's not true!"

"Who DO you care about then? Why don't you enlighten me?" Cal yelled at him sarcastically.

"I care about YOU and DAD and EMILY and-"

"Stop right therre." Cal hissed, "You sure as hell don't care about me or Em. And we both know that you hate dad, JUST like I do! Don't try to make this seem better than it is. You tried to kiss her Collin." Cal reminded him.

"Who? Gillian? She was all for it!" Collin yelled back.

"Oh, I bloody doubt that. She knows that you are married Collin. And SHE is married for God's sake! She would do ANYTHING to you in any romantic way and you know it! You were all over her and then I caught you!" Cal yelled.

"She wanted it!"

"No she didn't!" Cal refused to believe that she would do anything with Collin while she was still married. Even if she WASN'T married... she still wouldn't.

.:.

Gillian woke up to no Cal and got up, frantically looking around. It was ten in the morning and he wasn't anywhere in the room. She walked to the front lobby and stared at Tony, "Where is Cal?"

"Cal?"

"The man I am here with." She said impatiently.

"Oh, I gave him a new room."

"WHY?" She asked madly.

"Because he asked for one. Here's another key. Go find him. Don't forget to knock." He said, rolling his eyes and stepping away.

She sighed and made her way to the other room. She walked in to see Cal curled up on the bed with no blanket.

She rolled her eyes and walked over, laying a hand on his bare back as she grabbed a blanket, "Holy shit." She whispered as his high tempurature.

He moaned and rolled around slighty, "No... sh sh sh." She whispered, rubbing his back, "Shhh..."

He calmed down and began breathing evenly again.

"Gillian!" He yelled shooting up.

"What?" She asked quickly.

"Collin was a jerk to you and I never asked you about it. I'm sorry. He was all over you when you were married and I never even apologized for him and I'm sorry..." He whispered, staring at her.

"What are you talking about?" She asked him.

HOw could she not remember? The fight rang like a bell through his head all the time. "When Collin tried to kiss you..."

"That was like... three years ago Cal... I don't care anymore." She whispered.

"Did you want it?" Cal asked.

"Want what?" She asked.

"The kiss. He kept insisted that you wanted the kiss. That you were all over him. That isn't true right?" Cal asked hopfully.

"No. It isn't. He was trying to kiss me and then you walked in and it was over. It doesn't matter anymore Cal." She said.

He stared at her and nodded, "Sorry."

"Why are you asking about that?"

"Because I was remembering the fight that I had with him after it happened." He whispered.

"Well... don't worry about it."

"Did you get some sleep?" He asked, taking a deep breath.

"Yes I did. Don't leave without telling me though. You could have at least left a note." She said.

"Tony is having some guys come today that he was somehow able to contact. THey are going figure everything out with the power and phone..." Cal said with a nod.

"Good. We need to get back to everyone else." She whispered.

He nodded again and said, "What now?"

"We wait..." She said, getting onto the bed and sitting beside him.

**A/N: OH SNAPPPPP... two flashbacks in ONE chapter... I'm getting pretty dangerous here :P Thanks for reading and leave comments please!**


	22. I See How It Is

"Why are you doing this?" Cal asked him with an angry face.

"Doing what?" Collin asked.

"Ruining everything I have! You just have to steal it all! I can't have anything!" Cal yelled.

Collin stared at him and sighed, "Cal..."

"What?" Cal hissed.

"You've really got a lot going for you... You have your life together... I don't have anything."

Cal stared at him. "Go on..."

"It's just... I'm not trying to ruin everything for you... I just want a little bit of... everything you have. You have a beautiful daughter... your own business... a lovely business partner... I just want a little piece of your perfect life." Collin whispered.

"Perfect? That's what you see?" Cal asked with a frown, "You're way off there, mate."

"Cal, you have everything! I have nothing, other than the fear that I might not have a home to sleep in one night after the next!"

"Get a job!" Cal yelled.

Collin clenched his jaw and said, "I'm trying. I just want you to know... that I love you and I'm not trying to ruin your life or anything... I'm sorry."

Cal stared at him and said, "Just tell me if you're having trouble... don't sleep on the side of the road."

"It's not that easy. Do you know what it feels like to ask your little, successful, brother for help? It's degrating. I hate knowing that I'm not like you... that I'm just goof who can't keep his life together."

Cal shook his head, "You are a goof... but you have your life together." Cal whispered with a small smile.

"No I don't. Admit it. I'm just some annoying bug that won't stay away."

"That's not true. Collin... I love you too and I love having you in my life... but you can't keep messing things up for me. Now you can stay with me until you can get a job... but take care of yourself." Cal said, patting Collin's shoulder.

"Thanks... baby brother..." Collin said, giving Cal a hug.

.:.

"Finally!" Cal said to Tony, "So we can call my buddy?"

"Go for it." Tony said, standing in the door way.

"Great." Cal picked up the phone and call Terry, "Hey! Power's back. Come pick us up."

"Where are you?" Terry asked, smiling at Emily.

"Um... Bayview Motel..." Cal said with a questioning look to Tony. Tony nodded, "Yeah. Bayview."

"Alright. We'll be there soon."

"We?"

"Emily and I." Terry said.

"Holy shit.. I forgot about her." Cal saaid with wide eyes, "Alright great... hurry."

Cal smiled and turned to Gillian, "Terry will soon be on his way..."

"That's great." She said, shivering, "Is it really snowing?"

"Sure is." Tony said, still standing at the door.

Cal turned to him and squinted, "Why are you still here?"

Tony raised an eyebrow and said, "Well, sor-ry!" He turned around and walked away.

"Lovely way to treat the person that is sheltering you, Cal." Gillian said, walking over to the bed, grabbing a blanket, and throwing it over her shoulders.

He smiled and said, "Well... that's life."

.:.

Gillian and Cal were cuddled up in bed when Terry and Emily walked in quietly, "Aww..." Terry said, chuckling softly.

"They are the cutest thing!" Emily squeaked with a huge smiled. She pulled out her phone and snapped a picture, "Oh my gosh... just look at them!"

"Yeah, I see 'em." Terry said, walking over.

"No! Don't wake them up!" She said.

"Why? We have to go." He said.

"No... but they look so happy and peaceful..." She whispered, staring at them.

Cal had his arm around Gillian's waist, holding her close to his body. She had her hands holding to his arms. They were both sound asleep and as close as they could be. "Well... that's too bad."

"Just let them sleep." Emily said.

"No."

"Yes."

"No." He said with wide eyes.

"Yes." She said with wider eyes.

"No. I'm the adult and I say no."

"Yes. I'm the child and I say yes." She said with a smile.

"No."

"Mhm."

"No."

"Yep."

"No."

"Totes."

"What?"

She smiled and said, "I'm going to get them another blanket. DON'T wake them up." She turned around and skipped out.

Terry grabbed Cal and shook his shoulders, "Wake up! Before she get's back!" He whispered to Cal.

"Huh?" Cal groaned, turning slightly and looking at Terry, "Ah!" He yelled, shooting up and waking up Gillian in the process.

"What?" She asked, grabbing his arm and looking around.

"Calm down you two love birds. We are here and it's time to go."

Cal mumbled something and fell back, "I don't want to."

"Get up before Emily gets back."

"Oh." Cal stood up and got out of bed. He pointed at Gillian and said, "This never happened."

"Why?" She asked.

"If she knows... she won't stop until we are officially together." He said.

"What's the problem with that?" She asked.

"We aren't together." He said, chuckling slightly.

"When was that decision made?" She asked.

"When you would go any further."

"Really Cal? You want to talk about that here?"

"Give us the room." Cal said, pushing Terry away.

"You think we officially aren't a couple... and that we can't be... because you were sick and I didn't want to 'shag' you?" She asked coldly.

"Yeah, pretty much." He said, staring at her.

"What happened with... 'I'll keep you warm' and insisting that I got enough sleep? What were your feelings then?"

"That I would be stuck with you for a while!" He said, immediately regretting it.

"Oh... 'stuck' with me? I see how it is." She stood up and walked to the door. She held up a hand once he opened his mouth, "I get it. You don't like being around me." She swung open the door and walked out.

"No, that's not-" He was cut off by the slamming of the door.

Gillian was gone by the time Emily walked down the hall with a smile. She walked in and the smile disappeared at the sight of her father standing in front of the window, running a hand through his hair.

"Dad?"

"Not now Em." He said.

**A/N: I KNOWWWW... ur wondering' WHY DID SHE DO THAT? well... i felt like it... leave reviews and thanks for reading!**


	23. I Can't Do This

**A/N: I KNOWWWW... ur wondering' WHY DID SHE DO THAT? well... i felt like it... leave reviews and thanks for reading!**

Emily walked back into the room and yelled, "What the hell did you do?"

"Language!" Cal yelled, turning to look at her.

"Why is Gillian in the hallway crying? What did you do?"

"Nothing!" He yelled.

She pulled out her phone and found the picture of Cal and Gillian sleeping together. She pulled it up and stuck the phone in Cal's face, "What happened to THAT?" She yelled at him.

He stared at the picture and felt like his heart had just been cut open and every nice or sweet thing that Gillian had ever said had been ripped out and now only the rare cold, harsh things were left. He cleared his throat and said, "I messed things up."

"Yeah, no duh." She said, staring at him with mad eyes. He looked back at her and she gave him a look, "Well go fix it!" She yelled, pointing to the door.

He walked outside and looked at Gillian who was sitting on the floor. "I-"

"I don't want to hear anything that you want to say!" She yelled, standing up and starting to walk away. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Listen to me." He hissed. "I'm an idiot and a jerk and I don't deserve to be staring at your beautiful face right now. I... I don't know why the hell I said what I said and I have no excuse for it and I'm sorry and I can't say that enough, but... I am never 'stuck' with you... I am... priveleged to be around you... I need you to understand that I was sick... which is no excuse... but that I was... being an idiot and that I was just yelling out random things, but I know that I didn't mean any of that because when I saw you leave the room... I immediately missed you... I don't know what the hell was going through my mind, but it obviously was you... because you seem to take up all the room in there and I can't think straightly." He whispered, letting go of her arm and staring at her, "I'm sorry."

She looked at him and then dropped her head.

"Please smack me." He said.

"Why?" She asked, looking at him.

"Because I deserve it and I don't want to be let off the hook." He said, turning his face so she could smack him.

"I don't want to smack you."

"I want you to." He said.

She stared at him and said, "But after you're all sweet... I can't."

"Please do." He said, "I'm a jerk and the least you could do is smack me."

She laughed slightly and said, "I'm not going to smack you."

"Should I piss you off? So you have a reason?" He asked, stepping towards her.

"I'd prefer you didn't." She said, placing her hands on his chest and stepping closer to him.

'Do it." He whispered.

She stepped back and stared at him.

Emily walked out into the hall and stepped back into the room, peeking out a little bit, watching them talk.

Gillian looked at him and sighed. "You're a bastard. Don't forget it." She smacked him and then walked away.

After Gillian was gone Emily came out and said, "What was that all about?"

Cal laughed and leaned against the wall, "Huh?"

"She just smacked you. What's so funny?"

"You wouldn't get it." He said.

"Really?" She asked.

"Really."

"I-"

"Everything is fine." He nodded and walked down the hall.

.:.

"I don't understand."

"You don't need to." Cal said with a smile.

"So are you two... together now?" Emily asked, staring at the couple in the back of Terry's truck.

"No." Gillian said.

"Why not?"

"Because we don't want to decide that right now. There is a lot of stuff going on." Cal said.

Emily looked at them and nodded, "But... it's easier to face things with..." She trailed off and Gillian smiled.

"We'll figure it out, hun." Gillian assured her.

"I'm sure you will." She turned around and turned up the radio.

.:.

Cal rubbed the back of his neck and bit his trembling lip, "I can't do this."

"Just let us know what you want people to see at the funeral, alright?" Terry asked, walking around the empty house.

Cal picked up a picture and sighed. It was Collin, Emily, he, and Lisa. All sitting there. He could remember that day. They had all gone to the beach one time that Collin and Lisa had come to visit. That was a fun day. It made Cal wish that everything was the same. He set it down and said, "This one." To Terry.

"Alright." Terry opened the frame and took the picture out.

"Whoa! What are you doing?" Cal asked, throwing up his hands.

"Getting the picture."

"You could mess it up." Cal whispered.

"I will take care of it." Terry said.

Cal sighed and nodded, looking around the bedroom.

Emily and Gillian stood in the doorway of Collin's and Lisa's bedroom, watching as Cal winced while looking at all the pictures of Collin and Lisa.

Cal stopped and stared at a picture and then turned to Terry, "I can't do this." He turned around and walked out of the room.

After he was gone, Emily ran up and grabbed the picture.

Gillian walked up behind her and stared at the picture. "Who is that?" She asked Emily.

Emily shrugged and pushed the picture to Terry.

"Oh God..." Terry whispered, looking over the picture.

"Who is it?"

"It's your grandmother and Cal and Collin." Terry said, giving the picture back to them. "I was there when that picture was taken."

Mary Lightman sat in the middle of the two young boys with a large smile, her arms wrapped around her sons' shoulders.

.:.

"Hey Cal!" Terry yelled, running out of the house and grabbed Cal's arm.

"What?" Cal asked, turning around.

"Why don't we go out tonight? Go have a little fun? A lot has happened... come on." Terry whispered.

Cal stared at him and sighed, "Alright."

**A/N: Let me say... what happens tonight is NOT good... lol ;)**


	24. Has It Really Been That Long?

Cal walked into the club, close behind Terry, "I don't want to do this." He whispered.

"Come on. Sit back. Have a little fun." Terry patted his back and said, "A little lap dance'll do ya good."

"No, Terry." Cal shook his head and stopped before walking in.

"I'm totally joking. Come on Cal." Terry grabbed his arm and dragged him in.

.:.

"Where's dad?" Emily asked, walking into the hotel and smiling at Gillian.

"He and Terry went out to have a little fun." She said, slipping her clothes into a dresser.

"How long will they be gone?"

"Who knows?" She laughed slightly and fell onto her bed, "What should we do?"

Um... Swim?" Emily suggested.

"Let's do it."

.:.

Cal sat at the bar, downing his second beer, "Terry I don't like this."

"You really need to relax." Terry pointed to two slutty women and pointed them towards Cal.

"Terry, No." Cal said, shaking his head at the women.

"Oh come on baby. Just relax." One said, stroking his chest.

He took a deep breath and stared at the woman, "No thank you."

She crawled onto his lap and played with his hair, "Just a little kiss?"

"No." He grabbed her shoulders and started to push her away.

She continued to get back on his lap and smooshed her face to his, kissing him.

Terry laughed and took the other woman's hand, dragging her away.

"You're super sexy." The woman said with a smile, staring into Cal's hazel eyes.

Cal stared at her, gasping for air after the kiss. "So I've been told." He whispered, staring at her.

"Why don't we dance?" She took his hand and stood up.

"No..." He hesitated.

"Oh come on." She stepped towards him and pushed her body inbetween his legs and playfully swayed her body around.

He jumped slightly at the harsh movement and shook his head.

"You can be my pole." She said, pulling at his flannel shirt.

He cleared his throat and fell forward with her.

She dragged him to the dancefloor and placed her hands on the back of his neck as she slid up and down the front of his body with her back.

He held her hips and swayed slightly with her, kissing her neck as she moaned.

.:.

Emily laughed and splashed Gillian, "Wait." She said quickly.

"What?" Gillian asked, letting her hands slip into the warm water.

"We should get chocolate dipped strawberries." She smiled.

Gillian stared at her and said, "I simply love you. You read my mind."

They both jumped out and dried themselves off before making their way back up to the hotel room.

.:.

It wasn't before too long that Cal had been dragged into the back room and she was half naked and his shirt was being ripped off.

He explored the familiar flavor in of her kiss as she pulled his shirt from his strong body, "It's been a while Cal." She whispered.

"I've missed you Ana." Cal gasped.

"Where've you been?" She asked, laying her hands on his chest and looking into his eyes.

"D.C."

"America?" She asked with a frown.

"The ladies call." He said with a smile.

"Why ditch your old country?"

"Oh... England's still my love." He said, staring at her silvery eyes.

"That's good to know." She said, "I hope you haven't been with other women."

"Sorry." He said with a look of dismay.

"What?"

"I have a sixteen year old daughter." He whispered.

"Has it really been that long?"

"19 years." He said, holding onto her hips as she stroked his chest lightly.

"What's her name?"

"Emily."

"Wait... we shouldn't be doing this if your married." She whispered, backing away from him.

"You don't seriously think that I would do that? Do you? I'm divorced." He said, pulling at her hips.

"Right." She whispered, lightly kissing his naked chest, "Kiss me Cal."

He leaned down and laid his lips on her's yanking her hips into his.

She ran her hands up his chest and slipped her tongue into his open and willing mouth. She explored the familiar taste.

He pulled her shirt over her head and stared at her bulging breasts, "God Ana."

"Cal." She moaned as he ran his hands over her soft body.

He sucked at her neck as she got her legs tangled in his.

.:.

"Well... he can be... weird." Emily said with a large smile.

"Well, it's not like I didn't know that." Gillian said, "He's been weird since I met him." She laughed and Emily did as well.

"I mean like... really weird. You haven't seen him when he's in the privacy of home." Her eyes widened and she said, "Like he is really weird and sometimes I question if I am truly related to him."

Gillian laughed again and said, "I'm sure you are. He can be that way. I'm sure you haven't seen him and how he acts in the privacy of the office."

.:.

Cal gasped for air and let his head fall against the wall as she took several deep breaths.

She slipped her fingers into the belt loops on his jeans and said, "Come here, love." She slowly tugged at his jean.

_She looked at him and slid her hands down his chest, sliding her fingers into the belt loops on his jeans. She slowly tugged him towards her and he laid his hands on her shoulders, "Gill..." He whispered. He clenched his jaw, telling himself to do nothing. Don't touch her. Don't kiss her. Don't. Just look away. He closed his eyes, but could feel her breathing on his neck. She lightly kissed it and looked up at him._

_"Kiss me Cal."_

_"Gillian, stop." He brought his hands down to hers at his jeans and tried to untangle her fingers from the belt loops._

_She smiled at him and it was starting to make him mad. Why would she get drunk and do this to him? He hated alchohol at the moment. Why did it have to make things so difficult? Maybe she really did want him to kiss her, but this was the only time she was going to tell him, when she was drunk and open to tell him her true feelings. Oh he doubted that._

_He bit his lip and cleared the thoughts that wer telling him to just give her what she wanted._

_She took one hand away from his jeans and slowly stroked his chest._

_Oh, how she sent chills through him. Lisa could never do this, make him crumble under her touch. He slid his hand up her arm and stopped on her hand that was on his chest. He stared at her beautiful green eyes and flawless face. Just kiss her you fool! If she gets mad at you later than tell her that she wanted it and told you to! Just do it! She wants it! Kiss her!_

_He slowly leaned down and pressed their lips together._

"I can't do this." Cal whispered, pushing Ana away and grabbing his shirt. He pulled it over his shoulders and quickly began buttoning it.

"Cal, wait." She said as he walked to the door.

"No. I can't. Goodbye Ana."

"Cal!" She said madly.

"We ended this for a reason. I have responsibilities." He said, staring into her eyes, I'm sorry, but I can't." He shook his head and took a deep breath.

She let her hands fall to her side as he walked out.

**A/N: AW-UH! He can't get Gill out of his head ^.^ lemme know what you thought... so obviously he and Ana had a past before he left England... lol oh and listen to the band Backseat Goodbye... they are kinda amazing ^.^**


	25. Civil Conversation

**A/N: **

"Cal, you're back." Gillian said with a smile.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, walking into the other room and slamming the door shut.

Gillian looked to Emily and then back to the door. "Cal, what's wrong?"

She heard the shower turn on and turned to look at Emily and shrugged, "I don't know."

.:.

She gave him ten minutes after she heard the shower turn off and finally picked the lock and went into his side of the hotel room, "Cal." She said.

He was in the process of throwing two Venlafaxine pills into his mouth. "What?" He asked in a tone that scared her.

"You're still taking that?" She asked, walking towards him.

"Why does it matter?" He asked, throwing the bottle on his bed.

"Are you really depressed Cal?" She asked with a frown.

"What do you want Gillian?" He asked, getting to the point.

"Where were you tonight?"

Cal sighed and shook his head, "The worst place I could have possibly gone, but I don't want to talk about it. I'm tired and I'm not feeling good and I want to sleep." He said, pointing to the door, "You can go now."

"Where were you?" She pushed.

"Go." He said firmly.

"I'll just ask Terry."

"I'm sure he'll tell you since he doesn't care about me at all."

"What?" She asked.

"NIce try, but I'm not going to talk about it."

She sighed and finally walked out.

.:.

Gillian placev her hands on her hips and said, "I hate yo do this to Cal, but where were you two tonight?"

"Strip club." Terry said, taking clothes out of his suitcase.

"What?" She asked with wide eyes.

"He was getting it on with some chick in the back room."

"WHAT?" She yelled.

He looked at her and said, "Some old friend. She climbed onto his lap, gave him a kiss and before too long they were running into the back room, she was ripping his shirt off." Terry said with a shrug.

She was already fuming and shook her head, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Sorry?" He asked, looking up at her. "What did I do wrong?"

"You took him there! He wasn't tired and sad... so you take him to a strip club?" She yelled at Terry.

.:.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I have a feeling you are going to tell me." Cal said, looking over at her.

"Why the HELL would you go to a strip club with Terry?"

"That bastard... he told you."

She took a deep breath and said, "Cal. What were you thinking?"

"I dunno... that I needed a break. Why do you care?" He asked her, squinting with curiousity.

"Because I love you Cal and you should NOT have been doing that!" She yelled.

He shook his head, "Well I did and I bloody enjoyed it." He lied.

She stared at him, unable to see the lie.

.:.

"You are the worst friend in the whole fuckin' world!" Cal yelled, shoving Terry against the wall.

Terry coughed and yelled, "You needed a break! I was giving that to you!"

"You used my vulnerable state for Ana's sake! You knew that she would take advantage of me!" Cal yelled, throwing his fist into Terry's face.

"Oi! You had no problem with it!" Terry argued, pushing Cal away, "You ran into that back room, kissing her JUST as much as she was kissing you!"

Cal shook his head and kneed Terry in the crotch, "I can't believe you would do that to me!"

Terry grunted and fell to the ground, "Why are you just now gettin' mad at me about this?"

"Because I thought I would take a shower and calm down so we could have a civil conversation, but then I saw your face and it threw everything off." Cal kicked him in the side and hissed in his face, "You call yourself my friend? Well think again." He turned around and walked away, leaving Terry on the ground.

.:.

"Baby brother. You can't just set yourself up for failure." Collin said with a smile.

"What are you talking about?" Cal asked, staring at him.

"You knew that if you went out there... she wasn't going to like you."

"I think I did pretty good." Cal said with a shrug.

"You ran out there in your tighty whities and yelled, 'I love you Tanya!' I don't think that that was very good." Collin said.

Cal smiled and said, "It was fun."

"At least you aren't fat." Collin commented.

"What?"

"You've got some abs there. I didn't know that you worked out." Collin said.

"Well I had to make sure that I was ripped before running out there." He said with a smile.

"I think she'll like you. But you're a little weird, so only for that little body of yours."

"Enough for sex?" Cal asked, standing up and walking over to Collin.

"Really, Cal? Is that all you care about?"

Cal bit his lip and looked up in thought, "It's pretty nice."

"How would you know?' Collin asked with a smile.

"Oh shut up. What do you think?"

"It's a possibility." Collin said with a shrug, "I'm going to bed. You're a brave little bastard." Collin said with a smile.

"Hey. Mom said..." Cal rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the ground.

"Mom's dead." Collin said, slamming the door shut to his room.

"Collin, wait!" Cal siad, yanking the door open.

"What?" Collin asked madly.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you just leave like that?" Cal asked.

"Because you always have to bring up mom! We can never have a civil conversation because you always bring her up! She didn't really love us Cal! She killed herself! If we had really meant something to her then she wouldn't have killed herself!" Collin yelled at him.

"She loved us!" Cal yelled at him, "She did! She had a mental illness and you know that! She didn't know what she was doing!" Cal yelled at him madly.

"Whatever. Think what you want." Collin pulled the door shut and locked it.

**A/N: Sorry it took so long for an update, but I've been doing a lot with Locked Up and I'm working on another chapter for A Mini Lightman? so I'm trying to keep up with this, but it's hard! Thanks for reading and leave reviews... and read my story It Killed Her! Thanks**


	26. It's My Fault

"Cal." Anthony whispered.

Cal stared at him and said, "No. Don't talk to me. Who sent you up here?" Cal stood up and cleared his throat.

"Gillian. She thought maybe I could get through to you."

"What did I do that you need to get through to me?" Cal asked.

"I'm here for you." Anthony said.

"No you aren't. You weren't there for me when I was younger and you aren't here for me now!" Cal yelled, "All you could do was get drunk and then beat me mom and Collin. You know what? All my childhood I didn't even have to think twice about why mom killed herself. It was the only way to get away from you! Now Collin. And Collin killed himself after a visit from you! You have this problem of hurting everybody you are around! I was tempted to end my life when I was younger because I just couldn't take it anymore. Dad. Your fuckin' fist in my stomach. The bruises on my arms and face and..." Cal took a deep breath and shook his head, "Get out of my life and stay out. I hate you." He hissed.

"Cal, stop. I love you and I-"

Cal punched him in the gut and watched the old man fall to the ground, "How does that feel? Now you're on the other side of the fist."

Anthony stared at Cal and cleared his throat, "I'm sorry I just-"

"STOP! Right now!" Cal yelled at him, "Just stop! Go!"

Anthony got off the floor and held his stomach, "I still love you."

"The feeling isn't mutual." Cal hissed.

Anthony nodded and walked out.

.:.

Gillian sat downstairs beside Emily. Emily didn't know anything, other then the fact that Terry took Cal somewhere he shouldn't have and that everybody was mad at everybody.

Gillian could only think about what Cal did. And the fact that he didn't care. That he didn't mind being at the strip club.

If only she knew about Cal and Terry's little fight.

Anthony walked downstairs and Gillian walked over and said, "What happened?"

He just shook his head and walked out, "I'm going home. Feel welcome to come over for dinner."

"Would Cal want to go?" Gillian asked.

"No." Anthony walked out.

She sighed and said back down, unsure of what to do now.

.:.

"Cal," She whispered.

"What?" He asked, staring at her.

"Why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Go to the strip club?" She asked.

"I didn't want to."

"Why did you even go inside?" She asked.

"Terry... I just did." Cal said, sitting down on his bed.

She stared at him with a curious squint and sat down beside him, "Why?"

"I needed something to distract me." He whispered, looking over at her.

"Distract you from what?"

"Collin." He whispered, finally telling the whole truth for once.

It had been taking her forever just to get a little hint of the truth, and he just gave it up. Just like that.

She laid her hand on her shoulder and whispered, "It's all right."

"I know why he killed himself."

"It's not something that you need to look into Cal. It isn't your fault. It isn't some case." She said, staring at him.

He turned to his whole body was facing her, rather then just his face, "Actually." He started, "It is my fault. Dad was being a jerk, as he always is, and Collin was having a hard time. Lisa's a whore and wasn't here for Collin. Mom is dead. He doesn't have any kids to look after him. I was all he had and I wasn't there for him. I was loving my perfect life in D.C. while he was falling apart here in London. It's totally my fault. I never even called to ask how he was doing." He turned away from her and said, "I doesn't surprise me that he killed himself. Or that mom did."

It hurt her to see him address her as 'mom' not 'my mom' or 'my mother'. He was obviously still very close to her and that was so frustrating to her. Was there ever a time that he didn't blame himself for her suicide?

"It's not your-"

"Stop right there." He whispered, placing his hand on his cheek and then rubbing it over his mouth. He put his elbow on his leg and curled his fingers up at his lips, sighing heavily.

"But Cal-"

He stood up and grabbed her wrists, "Stop it. It's my fault and we both know it. I should have been there for him. Now I need to prepare something to say at the funeral. It's only two days away." He pointed to the door, "Good night."

"Cal, wait." She said, standing up and taking a step towards him.

He stared at her with uninterested eyes, "What?"

"You need to talk to Emily."

He sighed, knowing that she was right. He hadn't talked to her since the ride home and he missed her voice. He walked past Gillian without another word as he made his way downstairs.

She turned around and sighed as he walked out.

.:.

"Hey, love." He whispered with a smile, sitting beside Emily by the pool. He didn't like being by the pool. Especially the hot tub.

She turned her head and looked at him, "Where did you and Terry go?"

"A strip club." He said, unsure of why he just told her.

She raised her eyebrows and said, "No secrets today I guess."

"I'm sorry Emily." He whispered.

"Sorry for what exactly? I just want to make sure that you know everything you should be sorry for." She said in an angry tone, hoping that he would pick up.

He did. "Sorry for ruining it with Gillian when you and Terry came to the rescue." He started, "I'm sorry for just ditching in the middle of the picture search. I'm sorry I went to a strip club. I'm sorry I didn't tell you or Gillian anything when I got back. I'm sorry that I've been a horrible father. I'm sorry that I never took you or Gill out for a day in London. I'm sorry that I haven't been everything that I needed to be and I'm sorry that you have had to deal with my bastard-like behaviour." He stared at her.

She smiled and leaned over giving him a hug, "I'm sorry I just made you do that."

He chuckled and buried his face in her neck, taking a deep breath, "I love you Em."

"I love you too." She smiled and kissed his cheek. He did the same and leaned back. "So how are you and Terry?"

"I think that friendship has been ruined." Cal whispered solemnly.

Emily nodded and said, "It's not too late."

"Well-"

"It's never too late." She sang as she stood up and smiled, "I'm going back up to the room." She started to walk away and turned around to see him with his eyes closed, "Oh, and dad?"

"Hm?" He asked, opening his eyes slightly.

"Gillian needs you."

He scoffed.

"No really. She's having trouble.."

"How?" He asked.

"It's hard for her to see YOU having a hard time. She wants to be able to comfort you and help you, but you won't let her." Emily whispered.

Cal stared at her and said, "When did you learn so much?"

"I'm my father's daughter." She said with another smile, "I'll see you later."

"Yup. I'll be up in a few." He said as she walked away.

**A/N: Long time no read, eh? Sorry about that. I hope you've been reading Locked UP because a lot has happened with that one... I am prepared to take on Taken and MAYBE finally end it, but alot of people are saying that it should just be my never-ending story. And I think I'm just going to end Just Like Last Time, because now it's just hanging on a little string that has nothing to do with the original topic. I think Falling Apart has more to go, so I"m not quite done with that. SOOOO anywayyy... thanks for reading!**


	27. She Left

"Collin... I'm scared."

"Me too baby brother." Collin whispered. He flinched as he heard the glass break downstairs, the his mother's scream echoing up the stairs.

"Collin!" Cal whispered worriedly.

"Shh..." Collin hissed, pulling the small Cal into his chest and pulling the blankets over their heads.

Cal spun around and looked at his big brother. "Collin." He whimpered.

"Be quiet." Collin whispered back.

She was crying now. They could hear her scream everytime something came into cantact with her fragile body. They could hear their dad screaming at her in his drunk state. They could hear too much.

They could hear his footsteps on the stairs.

They could hear him spit on the floor.

They could hear him throw open the door to their small bedroom.

They could hear the door rip right from the hinges.

They could hear him stumble in.

Collin yelled at his father as Cal was yanked from the bed and thrown up against the wall.

"STOP!" Cal yelled, tears soaking up his face, "Please stop!" He begged, kicking at his father's arms.

"SHUT UP!" Anthony yelled back at him, throwing him to the floor, "You are so FUCKING annoying! Shut up!" He yelled, crouching down towards Cal.

"Stop!" Collin yelled out, jumping from the safe bed and attacked his father from the back as Anthony beat on Cal.

Cal crawled away from Collin and their father, crying as he made his way downstairs. He ran towards his mom and buried his face into her chest, "Mommy." He cried.

"Baby." She whispered, wiping a small amount of blood from her face.

"He's hurting Collin mommy! Stop him!" Cal insisted.

She left because she couldn't take it anymore. She hated to leave Cal and Collin.

She left the world because it was too much.

She left because Anthony didn't love anymore.

.:.

Cal jolted up in bed, gasping for air and remembering that night too well.

"Cal?" Gillian asked, peeking her head into his room.

He stared at her and said, "Sorry."

"Nightmare?"

"More like memory." He whispered.

"Of what?"

He stared at her, unsure if he wanted to tell her or not.

"I'm sorry, nevermind." She whispered, looking at the ground. "Go back to sleep."

He tightened his jaw and said, "Come here."

She stared at him for a moment and then joined him on the bed, cuddling into his welcoming body.

He looked down at her and said, "I'm sorry for being such a jerk."

"Yeah?" She asked, looking up at him.

"Yes. And I didn't do anything with my old friend at the club... I got reminded of you and the stormed out... leaving her and Terry mad." He whispered.

"What?" She asked with a surprised face, "You were reminded of me... so you stopped?"

"Yeah." He whispered.

"WHy would you let me believe that you didn't?"

"I was mad... at Terry... but I just needed to let my anger out on somebody... you seemed like the perfect victim." He mumbled.

She nodded and said, "It's alright." She laid her head on his chest and whispered, "I'm sorry for not giving you your space."

"No... meddling is what you're best at." He chuckled, moving her body with his.

She turned around quickly and held his face in her hands, pressing her lips to his.

He grabbed her by her hips and pulled her onto his lap, leaning forward to deepen the sweet kiss.

She ran her hands through his hair, slipping her tongue into his mouth and exploring the familiar flavor.

.:.

She could hear them kissing in the other room, but it didn't bug her. It made her happy. She bit her lip, wondering if her father was finally ready to let Gillian's love embrace him. He seemed to have trouble with doing that.

She could even say that he was fragile. He had been hurt too much.

With Mom.

With Grandma.

With Uncle Collin.

With Terry.

With other people that she didn't even know about. He was having a hard time and she was nervous for the funeral. She had never seem him cry before. She was sure that he would.

.:.

She left in order to give them their privacy.

She left to allow her father to love Gillian.

She left to let Gillian fill her father with the happiness she he needed.

.:.

"Emily." Cal gasped, pulling away from the sick.

He crawled off the bed and looked into the other room.

Gillian stared at him.

"She's gone." He announced, jumping back onto the bed and pushing her down, pulling her shirt over her head as she unbuttoned his pants.

.:.

She laid in the bed, his arm around her shoulders, holding her close to his chest. He kissed her neck lightly and whispered, 'That took long enough."

She smiled and kissed his chest, "I love you Cal."

"I love you too darling."

She pulled the sheet over her body and got off the bed, leaving him there naked. She threw a pillow at him and threw his clothes at him, "You know what I heard?"

"What?"

"It was just this little thing that I read about sex."

"Talk." He said with a smile.

"Well... it was saying that people help undress eachother during sex, but they don't help redress them... just showing how after sex your partner just ditches you." She said, staring at him.

He stared at her and raised an eyebrow.

.:.

He found himself pulling her shirt back over her head with a smile, "I think this is good because then it makes everything mine... I opened it up and now I'm closing it." He whispered into her ear.

"That's a way to look at it." She turned around and kissed him.

"Oh." He said, smiling as she pleased him.

He took a deep breath, "Gillian."

"What?"

"It's tomorrow."

"What?"

"The funeral."

"Oh Cal." She whispered, hugging him, "Don't worry. We're here for you."

He wrapped his arms around her tightly and nodded, "Yeah. Thanks."

**A/N: Not very long... sorry.**


	28. Collin Was A Good Kid

**A/N: Not very long... sorry.**

He hadn't talked all morning. He knew that if he tried to push the words from his mouth, then the tears would come too.

He missed his brother.

He ached for him.

It was difficult to go on without him.

Gillian and Emily were both wearing beautiful grey dresses, but he didn't have the heart to compliment them. He didn't even smile.

Emily hugged him, but he stood there stiffly, slightly enjoying the presence of her, but not able to really show it. It was as if he had gone numb. He felt like he did when he had found out about the suicide. He didn't want to live anymore.

He wore a black suit. A black tie. A black shirt. Everything was black.

It wasn't anything other then what he normally wore, other then dress pants intstead of jeans.

He tightened his jaw and walked out the door, his hands deep in his pockets.

.:.

They all walked into a room where there were pictures up. Pictures of Collin. Cal was in almost all of them. Normally he would be laughing and pointing out stupid things that he did with his brother, but not today.

He took a deep breath and let out a painful sigh as he examined all the pictures.

Emily walked before him, a small smile on her face as she watched her father grow up with his father.

Gillian was behind Cal, her hand on his shoulder. The only comforting gesture that he would allow her to do.

.:.

Emily walked up to the open casket and stared at her now dead uncle. He was looking good.

She had met him. She knew him. A small tear rolled down her cheek.

He was lying there, dead. He had a turquoise turtle neck on with a blazer over it. A small necklace that had been Cal and Collin's mothers.

Emily walked past it, blowing her nose.

Cal stopped and stared down at his brother.

He could feel his lower lip trembling.

His brought his hand to the collar of the turtle neck and he lightly tugged at it, pulling it down.

It revealed a long scar across Collin's neck. It was a darkish purple.

Cal let go of the collar and let it cover Collin's neck again.

He shook in sadness and felt a tear find it's way from his eye. He wiped it away quickly and placed his hand on Collin's chest, "I love you." He whispered.

Gillian watched Cal's show of affection very closely. She let her hand slide from his arm as he walked away.

.:.

"Collin was a good kid." Anthony whispered, rubbing his neck. "I loved him... I still do. I didn't really show it. I was a horrible father." He looked to Cal who was staring at him with hatred, "I still am a horrible father." He whispered, "I belief that it was my fault for Mary's death... I wasn't a good husband. I pushed her to end it all and now I feel like I did the same for Collin."

Gillian stared at him with sympathy and that pissed Cal off. She shouldn't care about this devil. But she didn't grow up with him. She wasn't hit by him. She didn't know.

"I want apologize to Cal, because it's too late for Collin. I'm sorry. Everything is my fault. I should have never laid a hand on either of you." Anthony said, staring at Cal sadly.

Cal looked away, unable to look his father in the eyes.

Gillian put her hand on his leg and squeezed it lightly. She smiled at him and he looked at the ground, unable to look at her either. He cleared his throat and listened.

"I know that you can't just forgive me. Not after everything that I've put you through... but I just want you to know that I am sorry and that I do love you." Anthony smiled slightly and said, "Collin is a huge loss. Everybody loved him. There was never a time that we were mad at him. I just took him for granted. I took his always happy state and ruined it." Anthony then stepped down.

Lisa walked up, her face wet with tears. Cal would comfort her, but she didn't care about him and he doubted that she cared about Collin. His family had fallen apart so much. Everything was ruined. Collin was dead. Anthony was back. Lisa was a jerk who Cal should have never loved.

"I miss Collin. It's hard to go to bed at night without him by my side. It's hard to know that he killed himself. I had always though that he was happy. That nothing could ever get him down. I guess I was wrong." She whispered.

Cal glared at her, mad that she even had the nerve to talk about him. To pretend that she loved him. It pissed him off.

"I haven't been the best person... I know. I just..." She started crying and Anthony escorted her away.

Everyone seemed to turn and look at Cal.

He took a deep breath and swallowed down the lump in his throat. He straightened his tie as he stood in front of everybody, "Well... I guess..." He stopped and bit his lip, looking down.

Everyone stared at him because everyone knew that he was the only person, other then their mother, that loved Collin. Lisa was in for sex. Anthony didn't care about anybody other then himself.

"Collin is the best brother I could ever ask for." Cal started, laying his hands on the podium and curling his fingers into fists.

Emily and Gillian stared at him sadly, seeing the pain that was so obvious.

"There are so many things that we did together... he taught me how to ride a bike." Cal whispered, glaring at his father who never made time to.

.:.

"Please Collin." Cal begged with a puppy dog face.

Collin smiled and said, "Alright! Let's go!"

"Thank you!" Cal hugged him and ran outside, jumping onto his bike. He started right away and fell about a second later.

Collin laughed and helped him back to his feet. "You have to be patient." Cal got back on and Collin put his hands on his shoulders, "Just pedal slowly as you begin and keep your balance. It's not easy the first time." Collin whispered into Cal's ear.

Cal nodded and stared straigh ahead, determined to get this right away.

.:.

"He educated me on girls." Cal said with a small smile.

.:.

"No... girls have a weird way of showing that they like us. They try to talk at us and get mad if we do something funny!" Collin said with a big smile.

"What?" Cal asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Listen baby brother. If you like a girl... don't pull her hair."

"I didn't pull her hair." Cal said.

"It's a figure of speech." Collin said with lazy eyes.

"What's that mean?"

Collin rolled his eyes and said, "Nevermind. Let it be. Anyway. You have to be careful around girls because they want a soft and gentle boy." Collin said, staring at Cal.

"I don't want to be soft!"

"That's what they want!" Collin insisted.

Cal slumped in his chair and said, "So... if I'm 'soft'" He winced at the word, "to Lisa... then she'll like me?"

"Yeah, probably." Collin said with a nod.

.:.

Cal bit his lip and stood there for a second, trying to get a hold of himself, "Collin... he was always happy. He never put anyone down. He always knew how to cheer me up."

.:.

"She hates me Collin." Cal whined.

"Nahh.." Collin sat down beside him and said, "Trust me. Is she pulling your hair?"

Cal stared at him and said, "What does that even mean, Collin?"

"Is she messing with you? Making fun of you?"

"Yeah..." Cal whispered.

"That means she likes you. Cal."

He looked up at his big brother.

"You are eight. Trust me. There is plenty of time to get her."

Cal smiled slightly and said, "That means she likes me?"

"Yup." He smiled and ruffled Cal's hair, "You've got time baby brother."

Cal stood up and said, "Thanks Collin."

.:.

Cal rubbed his face and sighed heavily, "I couldn't have asked for a better brother. He... He protected me from... from dad... when it was... really... really bad." Cal struggled over the words, finding it even harder to say it when his dad was right there. Listening.

.:.

Collin towered over Cal, protecting his little brother from the fierce fists.

Anthony continued to beat down on Collin's back, trying to make it to the little boy beneath him.

Cal stared up at Collin's eyes, watching as the tears fell onto his chest.

Collin shook everytime a blow came. He was crumbling under his father's abuse.

Cal held onto Collin's red shirt, feeling the fabric between his fingers. When Cal was a little little boy. Like two. Collin would give him his shirt and Cal would play with it and feel the fabric in his fingers. Once Collin noticed how it comforted him, he always wore that red shirt at night, just in case their father came home in his usual dangerous state.

"Collin." Cal whimpered, staring up at his brother.

"Hail Mary..." Collin started.

"Full of grace." Cal cried.

"The Lord is with thee..."

"Blessed art Thou among women..." Cal whispered..

"And blessed is the fruit of Thy womb Jesus." Collin said, finally falling to Cal's side with one last strong blow.

"Holy Mary, Mother of God. Pray for us sinner now, and at the hour of our death." Cal finished in terror as the fist started to come down.

Collin rolled over and threw his own fist into the face of their father, "Cal run!" He yelled, pushing Cal from the bed.

Cal stumbled to the ground and ran out, falling as he tripped down the stairs.

.:.

"Collin was strong and... he always protected me. I can remember saying the Hail Mary with him every night. Especially when..." His voice trailed off and he glared at Anthony.

Anthony looked at the ground, weighed down by guilt.

"Collin... Dammit, I'm going to miss him. I'm not sure why he really killed himself, but I feel that if I had been there for him, like he had been there for me... then maybe this wouldn't have happened and we wouldn't all be here today." Cal whispered. He bit his lip and cleared his throat, "He was the best brother in the world. I miss him." A tear rolled down his cheek, but he didn't try to hide it.

"He... Collin was... He didn't let other things bring him down. He was always happy." Cal was repeating things now... but... it was just... Collin was the perfect person.

.:.

"Collin?" Cal asked, wiping the tears from his eyes and staring at his big brother.

Collin brought Cal into a big hug and kissed the top of his head, "She was sick." He whispered.

"What?"

"She didn't do it because she hates us or anything. Dad... it's his fault." Collin whispered.

Cal cried some more and Collin rocked with him, rubbing his back, "Want to go get some ice cream?" Collin asked with a smile.

Cal stared up at Collin. Ice cream? They just found out that their mom committed suicide. Hell yeah. Cal smiled and said, "Yeah."

"Alright, come on." He took Cal's little hand and they walked out.

.:.

"I still can't believe that he killed himself. I don't know what he was thinking when he brought that knife to his neck." Cal wiped a tear away, "I don't know why he did it. I wonder if he wondered about how he would effect the people who love him. I wonder if he wondered about what everyone would think of him. I still love him. Nothing he did could make me not love him. We had out rough times... when he was drinking and doing drugs and was leaning on me. I was sure as hell pissed at him, but I've always loved him. When he took my girlfriend and married her... yeah that was hard, but I got over it and had Emily. He smiled. If Collin hadn't taken Lisa from me then I would have never had Emily. So thanks big brother." Cal whispered, looking up into the clouds, "I know you're up there."

He wiped away another tear and whispered, "I'm sorry I didn't love you more. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you obviously needed somebody." He was talking to Collin and they all knew it, but they were quiet, letting him take his time.

He coughed and another tear fell. He walked down and found his seat beside Gillian.

He hid his face in his hands and bent over, putting his elbows on his knees and cried.

She put her hand on his back and rubbed it, trying to be comforting, but not wanting to bug him or anything.

**A/N: Epic chapter... I think the next is the last? maybe. we'll just see what happens.**


	29. No Reason To Cry

"Listen baby brother. Soon... one day soon. I'm going to take you with me and we're going to escape this hellhole. No more depressed mum. No more harsh... brutal dad." Collin said with a large smile.

Cal looked at him hopefully, "Really, Collin? You'll do that?"

"Of course I'll do that little man. Once I'm eighteen and I can move you... you'll be my little kid... you won't be mum and dad's anymore. We can live together and actually have a good life."

Cal stared at him curiously. He was only thriteen. How could he make a promise like this? "I don't want to leave mum all alone, though." Cal protested.

"Mum doesn't love us anymore... Cal." Collina whispered painfully, "She's in her own world and eventually it's all going to come crashing down on her... and who know's what she'll do to us when that happens. We have to get away before she leans on us to make money for the family. Dad can figure things out. It'll be easier for him once we're gone."

"But what if dad hurts mum?" Cal asked innocently.

"He hurts US Cal. We need to get away!" Collin pushed.

"That's five years from now." Cal whispered.

"You're right. So good thing we have it planned now. I can start saving up some money. Don't worry, Cal. Things will be alright. I will save us both."

"Thanks Collin." Cal said, hugging his big brother.

.:.

Once they had the news about their mother, Collin had been the first to talk. At seventeen... he was close to making his promise for Cal. He was ready. He brought Cal back up into their room, "Hey baby brother."

"I'm not a baby anymore." Cal said in a deep voice that he had found during puberty.

"I forgot. You're a big boy now." Collin chuckled to himself, despite the harsh mood.

Their mother had just killed herself. She had problems. They knew it. She had gone off to a mental hospital. Then they found out she would be coming back to visit. And everyone was ecstatic. Even their dad. He'd showered and shaved and been sober for once in quite a few years.

Then she came. She smiled at them. And then ended it all.

She left them hanging there with their bastard of a father, who was never sober again after the ended her life.

Cal tightened his jaw and stared at Collin, 'What?"

"This whole suicide thing." Collin said.

"Yes..." Cal said, not really liking where this was going.

"No... I just want you to know that I'll never do this to you. I'll never kill myself and leave you. I love you bab- er, uh, Cal." Collin said, completely serious now. "And I WILL carry out my promise about leaving with you. I promise. That's why it's called a promise." He chuckled. "Really. Don't ever doubt me, because I'm here for you little man. We're going to escape next year. Really. We will."

.:.

Collin had broken both of those problems.

He'd left the day he turned eighteen and he never looked back to get Cal.

He never returned.

He never even came to see Cal on his birthday.

He was an empty thought at the edge of Cal's brain by the time two years passed.

Cal suspected the worst. He was dead. Maybe he'd killed himself. Because he broke the first promise... why not the second?

Cal had lived with his father for maybe a month after Collin left. Then he went and lived with Terry.

Terry saved his life. Rescued him from the horrific days of living with his father.

He was fourteen when he'd moved in with Terry.

He'd been twelve the first time they lived with Terry.

They stayed a couple months, but their father got mad. Pissed off his head.

They were forced to go back without a choice.

.:.

Cal was back at the hotel.

He didn't want to see Terry.

He didn't want to see Lisa.

He didn't want to see anybody at the moment.

All he could think about was all the broken promises from Collin.

Every promise that he had held in his hands and then cracked in half and just threw out into the big abyss of his past failed promises.

That's how it felt.

That's how it _was._

Collin broke promises, and that's all that he was good for.

He couldn't keep them, that was for sure.

He couldn't keep a steady family.

Lisa didn't love him. She just wanted something familiar. Someone like Cal. And Collin was the closest thing to that. He'd stolen Cal's first love. But at least that was okay, because then Cal had met Zoe and made a beautiful Emily. And then he met Gillian and that was a whole different story.

He couldn't even keep a job. _Too many _times Collin had come running to Cal for a loan. And not once - not once! - did Collin ever pay him back. He was still heavy in debt, but it was a little late for that.

He'd promised to be there for Emily's third birthday. Since he'd missed the first two. He was an uncle for Pete's sake! He had a role in Emily's life and was never really there for her.

And when he was... he was drunk or high or poor and just a plain bastard that Cal didn't want his young daughter around.

Things had turned around... yes. But then apparently they fell apart again, because Collin mirrored their mother.

But when things were good. When Collin was a good person and his usually giddy self. Things hadn't just been good... they were great. Collin was a great person to have around, but only if he had his life together. A most of the time... he did not.

He was a good person... generally.

He'd held life together the best way that he could. Even if it meant leaning on his baby brother for assistance. His baby brother that had a life.

Had a family.

Had a daughter.

Had his own bloody business!

Had it really going for him.

Had a chance.

He came and he slowly pulled away at the threads that held Cal's life together until it was just a torn rag. Just a used towel. A wet, dirty, soggy towel that had been used one too many times.

That's what Cal's life was now. A wet, dirty, soggy towel.

He was falling apart.

He was scared of what would come.

He was scared of what might happen.

He worried that he might take his own life. That he might have inherited that poisonous trait.

Although he knew that would never happen. He had Emily in his life.

His mom hadn't really loved him or Collin, and Cal understood that. She was sick. It wasn't her fault. But she had nothing to live for. So she ended it.

Collin... he only had Lisa. And Lisa never really loved anybody. And he had Cal. But Collin didn't know that he had Cal with him. Although he had ditched Cal and left him to fend for himself... Cal was still there for him and still loved him.

But Cal had Emily. He had a loving daughter that he could never leave.

And Gillian, of course. He couldn't forget about her. He couldn't just leave her. Never. They were going to get married one of these days. And how would that be possible if he was dead?

He stood up and opened the door that split the two rooms of the hotel.

Gillian was sitting on the couch, her legs pulled up to her chest as she read a book.

Emily was sleeping on the bed. It'd been a long day. She had conked out the second they got home after the funeral.

He walked over to the couch and sat down beside Gillian.

She pretended to not notice his presense, and just continued reading her book.

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, needing the hug that she had so desperately wanted to give him.

She dropped the book and almost dove into his arms, burying her face in his chest, "I'm sorry Cal. I know that speech was hard for you and..." She didn't know what else to say, she just held him tighter.

He was solemn, of course, but he wasn't going to cry.

No reason to cry.

Collin was gone, and hopefully in a better place.

He rubbed her back and said, "Thank you for being a perfect friend."

"What?" She backed away, "How the hell was I a perfect friend."

"Because you didn't try to comfort me when I really didn't want to be comforted. You've been waiting patiently for this moment. Thank you." He kissed her forhead and she seemed to blush a little bit.

"I love you Cal."

"I love you too." He said, laying his kiss on her lips this time.

**A/N: NOT the last chapter. I'll do going home and getting everything settled and all that. So... as I have stated on other storieszsssss... I am giving up updating and computer and all that for Lent! So I thought I'd throw a chapter into this jewel before I quit until Easter. Thanks for reading and reviewing!**


	30. Joan and William

They were all completely packed up, with their things all piled on the bed in the main room. Emily was sitting on the couch, watching TV. Cal was sitting at the table drinking coffee and stared at the design of the wood. He was solemn, as he had been from the funeral. Gillian was in the bathroom fixing her hair or something that Cal hadn't been interested in.

She walked out, putting an earing in. "Are you ready to go home?"

Cal clenched his jaw and shook his head. "Not quite. I need to go to one more place."

"Alright... where?"

.:.

Emily hadn't wanted to intrude, so she stayed at the hotel, even though Cal had encouraged her to come along.

Cal had the way there memorized. Every turn and stop. He could have driven with his eyes closed. They didn't talk at all in the car, and Gillian hadn't pushed him to make conversation. She just stared at the beautiful scenery. Cal stopped the car in front of a small, cute house. Staying in the car, he stared at the house sadly.

"Where are we?" Gillian asked.

He didn't answer her. He stood up and walked to the front door. The loud knock could be heard through the house.

A small, plump woman pulled open the door with a warm smile. "Hello?" she asked kindly.

"Can I come in?" Cal asked, trying to hide the pain in his voice. But he could hear it and he knew that Gillian did and the woman in the house probably did as well.

"Sure. What's troubling you, love?" The woman took his hand and led him into the house. "I'm Joan."

"Cal." Cal whispered, placing his open hand on his neck and looking at the ground.

"Cal Mason?" she asked, turning her full attention to him with surprise. He nodded weakly. "Or do you go by Lightman now?"

"Joan! Who's at the door?" A man yelled from an upper floor.

"It's Cal Lightman," she said, smiling at Cal.

"How do you know that I go by Lightman?" Cal asked.

"Anthony's kid?" The man showed up at the top of the stairs and stared at Cal. "My God... have you grown or what?" he asked, making his way down the stairs.

"Do I know you?" Cal asked.

"I thought you would," Gillian said, looking at Cal curiously. "You don't know these people?"

"I've never met them before. Have I?" His suspicion must have made its way to Joan because she spoke up.

"We know your father. We've seen pictures of you... so we feel like we know you."

"How do you know him?"

"William," Joan said,"why don't you talk to him?"

The man - William - smiled and nodded. "C'mon kid. I'll tell you everything. When was the last time you were in England?"

"Five years," Cal whispered.

"It's been longer than that," Gillian said.

"I lied." Cal didn't make eye contact, he felt awkward enough.

"Why don't you make some tea, Joan?" William requested.

"Oh, of course." She smiled and walked let go of Cal's hand. She patted his back and said, "Your father loves you."

"Joan." William stared at her.

"Right." She giggled slightly.

"I can help you with the tea," Gillian offered.

"Oh, aren't you darling. Come with me, love."

Gillian's face brightened and she followed Joan into the kitchen.

"So... what is this place to Cal?" Gillian sat on a stool at the counter and stared at Joan curiously.

The kitchen was small and homey. Gillian was sitting at the island and looking at a bowl of apples in front of her.

Joan walked around the kitchen, digging into the dark red cupboards for mugs. The tile floor was white with little red diamonds in them and there was a small, green carpet directly in front of the sink.

"This - theoretically - is the house that built him. He grew up in this house."

"Why would he want to come here?" Gillian thought aloud. "Why would he want to go back to a place where there is so much pain?"

"Pain? What brings him back to England?" Joan asked, pouring tea into the mugs.

"Um... his brother Collin died..." Gillian whispered, wincing slightly.

"Oh... oh my goodness... How did that happen?" Joan's eyes became large and she stopped pouring the tea.

"Um..." Gillian broke eye contact with the old woman and sighed. "Suicide."

"He-He killed himself? Oh my..." Joan shook her head and asked, "Why?"

"We - uh - don't know."

"So you were here for the funeral?"

"Yes." Gillian took two of the mugs and walked with Joan to the living room.

They ended up stopping in the doorway in order to interrupt Cal talking.

"My father didn't love me," he whispered.

"Oh... you think so?" William asked with slight anger that Cal picked up quite easily.

"I know so!" Cal insisted. "He's a bastard that doesn't care about anyone other than himself!"

"Now you calm down kid. You don't know jack if that what you think." William stared at Cal angrily.

"You don't know 'jack' old man! He isn't your dad!" Cal yelled.

"Cal." Gillian said surprised. Surprised that he would say something like that to a man that had just welcomed him into his house. Her voice seemed to affect him like a slap in the face because he sat up straighter and shut his mouth. He folded his hands on his lap and looked at the ground.

William stared at Cal and said, "Your father comes here with a different reason every time. You know why? Because he wants to feel closer to his children that no longer love him. He-"

"We love him!" Cal yelled with great strength. "_I _love him!"

**A/N: I think I'm taller than Tim Roth.**


	31. We're Going

William looked at the ground and sighed. "Listen, Cal. I'm sure that you do love him. But he also loves you. He wants you back in his life but you won't even give him the chance! He comes here all the damn time, just looking for a reason to be in the house that makes him closer to his kids, because you never talk to him!"

"William." Joan gave him a serious look. "Let me explain."

He clenched his jaw and looked at Joan as calmly as possible.

"The first time he came... we had no idea who he was. It was about four years ago. He was drunk, if I remember right." William nodded. "He had been crying, and we let him in for a little bit. He sat down. He was clutching a book to his chest, but refusing to let us see it. We found out that his name was Anthony Mason and that he had some kids, but he never saw them anymore. Eventually... he sobered up and showed us the book. It was a scrapbook full of pictures of you and Collin. He said that he made it when you left. He had been so sad that he never got to see you anymore. Eventually we all became close friends and he came over often and would tell us about when you spilled kool-aid in the hallways or fell down the stairs or had a pool party with your friends.

"He feels horrible about what he did, Cal. He came here... seeking forgiveness. He needed something that would bring him closer to you. He loves you and Collin, Cal." Joan smiled and smoothed out her apron. "He does."

Cal bit his lip and stared at the ground. "How can I believe that?"

"He wants your forgiveness... he just hasn't gotten the chance."

Cal sighed inwardly and nodded. "Alright. Whatever. I'm sure I won't see him for another ten years, so why does it matter?"

"Actually..." William looked at the ground.

"What? What are you hiding from me?"

"I think that he's going to come today. He said he might stop by after folks left. He never told us why you were here." William smiled innocently.

"C'mon Gillian. We're going, right now. Before I have to see him." Cal grabbed her hand and pulled on her, but she stood her ground.

"Maybe it's for the better Cal. Maybe you two need to clear up the past."

"I don't want to talk to him."

"You _need _to Cal."

He shook his head and said, "You can stay and talk to him, but I'm getting out of here."

By the time he swung the door open, Anthony was just about to knock.

"Why are you here Cal?" Anthony asked.

.:.

They all awkwardly stood in the living room. Except for William. He sat on the couch with his feet crossed.

"I had four beautiful children," Anthony whispered.

"Dad..." Cal hissed, shaking his head.

"Four?" Gillian frowned and shook her head. "There are two others?"

"No. Dad. Stop." Cal said, giving Anthony a warning glare.

"Yes. Four. First Collin. Then Cal. Then Wendy... and then Isaac." He stared at the ground.

"You didn't care about Wendy." Cal stared at his father with deep hatred.

"That's not true! I cared about her! I still care about her!"

"When was the last time you visisted her? Ten years ago? You got rid of her! When she was three. Three! She was walking and calling you 'daddy' but you go rid of her because you didn't want a retard for a kid. No. You just couldn't handle it. Then you turned life into a living hell."

"That's a lie!" Anthony attempted.

"Oh sorry. Mom had Isaac. Then he died and she killed herself and at age 7 for me, you starting beating me and ruining my whole fucking life!" Cal shouted.

"Cal!" Gillian said, grabbing his arm.

He yanked it away and said, "I'm done with this. When was the last time you visited Wendy?"

"How about you?" Anthony asked.

"Too long for you to remember then? Because she's a disgrace to the family? Screw this. Goodbye. I never should have agreed to talk to you. I knew that you were a bastard who only cared about himself. Thank you for letting me in Joan and William. I'm sorry for the language. I hope you can forget about this little... incident. Dad." Anthony looked at him with sad eyes. "Don't come back here. They shouldn't have to deal with you."

William seemed to be slowly swelling and he stood up and said, "Can I have a word with you, kid?"

"Me?" Cal asked harshly.

"Yes you." William grabbed Cal's arm and yanked him into a room that neither Cal nor Gillian had seen yet.

"What?" Cal asked.

"Who the bloody hell do you think you are?" William asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't care what the hell your dad did... he is your father and you need to respect him!" William seemed to be getting madder as he continued to speak.

"You don't know. The only reason you are standing up for that bastard is because you think that he's a good guy. But you don't know all the shit he put us through!" Cal crossed his arms over his chest and said, "I'm leaving now."

"No. You're not. You won't leave this house until you make up with your father."

"I'm not talking to my father anymore."

"If you knew what was good for you then-"

"Oh and you do? You know how I should live my life? I don't even know who the hell you are! I don't even know your last name and you think that I should listen to _you?_" Cal shook his head and whispered, "Good luck with that. I'm not listening to anyone, but myself. And I'm telling myself to leave."

William watched Cal walk back to the living room and whisper something to Gillian.

"Where are you going?" Anthony asked.

"To visit my sister. She deserves something, right? A visit from her big brother, since I'm sure her father acts like he doesn't give a toss about her." Contempt was all over Cal's face, but Gillian knew that she had no right to point it out. Although, if they were in switched roles, Cal would definitely point it out.

**A/N: EEEEPPPPIIICCCC! So Cal had THREE siblings. Didn't see that coming, did ya? Well I'll get into that in the next chapter. THanks for reading! Oh my goodness! I put up the wrong thing! I'm so sorry... EEK**


	32. EKK! Go back!

**I put up the wrong thing! Go back and read the chapter before this. I'm so sorry!**


	33. Wendy

"What happened to Isaac?" Gillian asked as they drove to the mental hospital.

Cal sighed and said, "He got into my moms pills and overdosed."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah it sucks."

She dropped her head and looked at him. "You're taking this all very well, Cal."

He scoffed and shook his head. "Yeah... that's funny."

She lightly laid a hand on his arm and said, "I'm proud of you. I know you don't want to hear it, but it's true."

"I had a huge falling out with my dad... I hate him and you're sitting there wishing that you could talk to your father."

"That's not true."

"You know that you can't lie to me." He glanced at her quickly and took a deep breath.

She nodded and whispered, "Cal. Really... I'm proud of you."

"Yeah, whatever." He kept his eyes on the road and said, "We're here."

She looked out the window at the large gray building. "Awesome."

Cal walked into the building and took a deep breath at the familiar smell. "Hey Kala."

"Cal? Fancy seeing you here. You ready to see Wendy again?" the old woman asked with a big smile.

Cal returned the smile and nodded. "You know I am. How is she doing?"

"Oh, she's great. She talks about you all the time."

Cal chuckled and said, "I can't wait to see her. Same room?"

"We could never move her. She leaves the door unocked, but you might want to knock?"

Cal nodded and started walked, taking Gillian's hand and pulling her along.

"Whoa. Hold up Mr. Cal Mason."

Cal chuckled. Did no one in England know that he changed his name? "Yes, Kala?"

"Who is this beautiful lady?"

Gillian blushed and dropped her head.

"This is a friend of mine. Gillian Foster."

Gill smiled and stuck out her hand. "Cal seems to know a lot of people."

"Well, he's very successfull in America. A lot of people know him now." She shook Gillian's hand and said, "You two make a gorgeous couple."

Cal smiled widely and Gillian shook her head. "Oh we're not-"

"Oh, don't try to deny it." Kala winked at Cal and smiled at Gillian. "Off you go know. Wendy will be very happy."

Gillian sighed and - once they were out of hearing range - said, "You totally set that up."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Cal shrugged and looked up and down the hallways, searching for the right room.

She smiled and asked, "Which room?"

"Um, 124." Cal stopped at a door that had lots of cute pictures on it. Pictures that looked like they had been drawn by seven-year-old.

He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

A nurse opened the door and gave a look surprise. "Cal? I didn't think I'd see you here again."

Cal ignored her and gazed over her shoulder. "Wendy," he said, catching his little sister's attention.

"Cal!" she screamed, making her way down a narrow hallway and throwing her arms around him. "Cal, you're really here! I thought you wouldn't come anymore!"

"Oh, I couldn't just leave you here." He smiled and kissed her forhead, "How's life treating you?"

"Who's that?" She pointed towards Gillian and almost looked angry.

"Is there a problem with having her here, love?" Cal asked.

"I thought I was your girl."

Gillian smiled and looked at the ground.

"You are my girl." Cal winked and poked her nose.

"Then why did you bring another girl?" She sounded hurt.

"Because she wanted to meet you. She wants to be my girl, but I said I already have a girl... so she decided that she wanted to meet you."

Wendy smiled widely and hugged him again. "Hi, I'm Wendy," she said to Gillian.

"Hi, I'm Gillian." Gillian smiled at the girl that looked very much like Cal.

"How you doing, darling?" he asked warmly.

"Where's Collin?" she asked.

He stared at her and then looked at Gillian. She was the psychologist. She knew how to handle this kind of thing.

"Um. Collin is-"

"Why are you answering?" she threw at Gillian.

"Because... Cal... um..." She looked at Cal.

"I want her to answer. She's better at this kind of thing."

"What kind of thing?" Wendy pushed.

"Collin is dead." Gillian said blankly.

Wendy's eyes widened and she shook her head. "That's not even possible! He still visited me."

Cal dropped his head and whispered, "It's true. He is."

Wendy stared at Cal with a sympathetic look and asked, "Are you sad?"

He chuckled slightly and nodded. "Yes, I'm very sad."

"You don't need to be sad." She hugged him and buried his face in his neck. "It's okay, Cal. Things will be okay."

He smiled at her and said, "You are... the cutest thing."

"I know."

.:.

"Why does she have to be in there?" Gillian asked. "She's not that bad."

"It's a high-finction autism, but my dad refuses to take care of her. It's just like having a little kid forever. He's a bastard." Cal started the car and sighed heavily.

"Why don't you take care of her?"

"I can't. I have... too much going on," he whispered.

"You're being a hypocrite." She stared at him, hoping that he wouldn't get mad.

"How?" he asked, offended.

"You're pissed art your dad for not taking care of her because 'he has too much to do' and then you say the same thing."

He sighed heavily and said, "You're right."

She nodded and said, "It was nice to meet your sister. Why didn't you tell anyone about your family?"

"Collin was the only one anyone needed to know about. Wendy doesn't like being around a lot of people, and I just... I didn't think it was necessary to tell anyone. And Isaac is dead."

"I'm sorry about Isaac," Gillian whispered.

"Yeah, me too. You know... I was so excited to have a little brother. Collin was nice to me after Isaac died. So before my family fell apart... Collin was kind of a jerk to me sometimes and he... you know like a mean big brother. But... when my mom had Isaac, I was so excited to be the big brother that Collin never was to me. I was so damn happy. I couldn't wait. And then he died... he just... if Collin and I had shut the cabinet in the bathroom... he wouldn't have died." Cal bit his lip and stared out the window solemly. He shook his head, searching for the right words. "We brought our homelife upon ourselves. It was our fault. If Isaac hadn't died, I would have had quite a life."

"You can't blame yourself, Cal."

"Please don't lecture me on that shit," he hissed.

"Alright. I won't. Are we heading home after we get to te hotel?"

"Yeah..."

**A/N: WOWWWW sorry for the crazy late post. Thanks for reading and reviewing!**


	34. Can I Ask You A Question?

**A/N: WOWWWW sorry for the crazy late post. Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

Cal wrapped his arms around Emily when they made it back to the hotel. He didn't say anything, he just hugged her and kissed her head. "I love you Emily. I would never get rid of you."

Gillian leaned in the doorway and smiled slightly. He was such an emotional man, but no one ever seemed to really know that.

She loved him. She definitely did.

She thought about how much he had gone through in these past few weeks. He had been so strong. She wished Alec had been like him. She wished Alec had been capable of keeping himself together through hard times.

She was surprised when she came back to reality and he standing right in front of her. "Why hello," she said with a smile. She watched Emily walk into the other room and shut the door. Soon the sound of the TV came on and the springs on the bed.

"Hey. Can I ask you a question?"

"Go for it." She looked at his face, searching for an expression that wasn't there.

"What would you do if I kissed you right now?"

She raised an eyebrow and whispered, "I am sure that I would kiss you back."

"Well, that's good." He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers.

She held his face in her hands, feeling his whiskers in the palm of her hands. She turned her head and pushed her tongue into his mouth.

He hands went to her hips and he pulled her body towards his.

**A/N: Thought this was cute and I wasn't able to finish a long one and I wanted you to know that I won't be posting as often anymore, because I've got a lot of stuff going on, so don't think that I'm just ditching.**


	35. No

She pushed on his chest and they both fell back onto the bed. He grabbed her hips and pulled her body closer to his. She began to unbutton his shirt and halfway through pulling it off he stopped her. Gasping for air, he whispered, "Wait. Emily."

Gillian looked towards the door and then let out and exasperated sigh, letting her head fall onto his bare chest. She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Maybe we just shouldn't be doing this."

He chuckled and said, "Sorry... but I think it would be crazy awkward if Emily walked in." He sat up and buttoned his shirt back up.

She sat back and nodded. "Good point. When are we going home?"

He stoodup and itched his head, looking over all the thing in the hotel room. They picked up a lot of Collin's stuff and now their load was almost doubled. "Tooooooo much stuff," he complained.

Gillian jumped off the bed and crossed her armsover her chest. "Someone's at the door," she whispered at the faint knocking.

Cal nodded and made his way through the packages and yaked the door open. "Why the hell are you here?" he asked.

"Cal," she held up her hands, trying to explain. "I needed to talk to you, one more time. I know you're mad with me... but I just... I don't want this to be the end of us."

"This _is _the end of us, Lisa!" he insisted madly. "Why do you keep coming back?"

"I don't want this to be the end of us! I'm sorry, Cal!" She had a sorrowful look and looked at the ground. "I'm sorry. What did I do wrong?"

"What did you do wrong?" He asked in a mocking tone. "You seduced me!" he yelled. "You took advantage of me when I was in pain! Do you have no shame?"

Gillian slowly slipped out and joined Emily in the other room. "Lisa is here."

"Oh, God... why would she come?"

Gillian shook her head and sat down beside Emily. "What were you guys doing before she came?" Emily asked.

Gillian looked at Emily and frowned. "Nothing. We weren't doing anything."

Emily smiled and said, "Whatever you say."

.:.

"I thought that you wanted to do it too!" Lisa said.

"My brother died... your husband! And you don't even think twice about sleeping with your dead husband's brother? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"You didn't think twice about sleeping with your dead brother's wife!" she reminded him.

He took a deep breath. "We all know that you never really truly loved him. You weren't in any pain at all. You only married Collin to be closer to me. You weren't looking for something to make you feel better. I was. I shouldn't have slept with you, but I didn't do it because I just wanted to have sex, I did it because I was in pain and I didn't know what to do."

She clenched her jaw and Cal saw it.

"Don't be mad at me," he said, pointing at her. "Why are you here? What do you want from me?"

"I just wanted to see you before you left."

"I don't want to see you. You can leave now."

She took a deep breath and stepped towards him. Laying her hands on his chest, he could feel her breath on his neck.

He tried to back up, but he ran into the wall. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Making you change your mind."

"No, stop. You're doing it again."

She grabbed him by the waist and pulled him towards her.

He pushed away and back up harder against the wall. "Stop this Lisa."

She held his neck and laid little kisses across his jaw.

"Stop." He said, but his words were becoming weaker.

"Oh, Cal..." she whispered.

"My daughter is in the other room," he warned.

"That doesn't matter." She started unbuttoning the shirt that Gillian's soft fingers had been on just moments before.

"No, no, no." He pushed her back and she fell onto the bed.

"We can do it here if you'd perfer."

"NO. Get out." He pointed to the door and then went to buttoning his shirt back up.

"Cal, please."

"You just did it again! You're a bloody whore! Get out!"

She got off the bed and walked to the door. "I love you Cal."

"I don't love you," he said, watching as she stepped out.

**A/N: BAM! UPDATEEDDDD! That took long enough, eh? Thanks for reading and reviewing!**


	36. Best Mates

He rubbed his weary eyes and took a deep breath.

"Cal... you have another visitor," Gillian whispered.

"Who the bloody hell keeps coming?" he yelled, catching Gill off guard.

She jumped and stared at him nervously. "It's Terry."

"Tell him to get the fuck away."

"Cal... talk to him."

"I'm not talking to that bastard."

"He's your best friend."

"_You're _my best friend," he corrected. "And no one else has been in that spot for the past nine years. He _was _my best friend... but that was another time... long ago. He's dead to me," Cal whispered.

"That's not true, Cal. Talk to him."

"No."

"I'm letting him in."

"Dammit, Gillian!" he yelled, standing up quickly and walking towards her.

She flinched and then walked out of the hotel room quickly.

He tried to catch her by the arm, but she was gone. He took a deep breath and punched the wall. "Dammit, Terry," he hissed.

"Cal, just hear me out."

"Cal what the hell is wrong with you?"

Terry took the sudden punch with a grunt and a crash as he fell back into a lamp. His nose immediately began gushing blood and Cal yelled, "I DON'T WANT YOU IN HERE! GET THE BLOODY HELL OUT!"

Terry wiped his nose and took a deep breath. "Cal..."

"Get out!"

"Cal! We have to talk!"

"And why is that, Terry? So you can be a fucking bastard again?"

"What did I even do?"

"You took me to that fuckin' strip club! That's what you did!"

"You're still strung out over that?" Terry asked surprisingly.

"I'm pissed at you and you're going to comment on how I'm still 'strung out' over it?" Cal asked. He took a deep breath and said, "Leave."

"But Cal... we're best mates."

"We _were,_ Terry. Things change. Just leave."

Gillian stood outside of the door, wishing that things could change.

"But Cal."

"Go!" Cal said, but he sounded like he was begging. "Just leave!"

"I'm not letting you leave England until we figure this out..." Terry whispered.

"We're not going to figure anything out!"

Gillian stepped in and asked, "Can I help?"

Cal looked at her and shook his head. "What?"

"I'm a therapist... maybe I can help with this."

"There's nothing that we need help with. I just want him gone!" Cal yelled.

"Please stop yelling... please."

He took a deep breath and whispered, "Alright. What do you want?"

"To heal a friendship."

"There's no way you can."

"Cal... can I ask you a question?"

"Whatever..."

"If I was worried about you doing it with Zoe again, so I took you to a bar and introduced you to some slutty woman... or took you to Clara or... Poppy or someone like that... would you hate me as much as you hate Terry right now?"

He tightened his jaw and whispered, "No... I could never hate you, Gill."

"Why can you hate Terry then? You two were as close as the two of us at one point. Friendships like that can't just disappear because of something so simple."

"Gillian... he-"

"Don't lie to yourself Cal. I think you're angry because you made the decision to do whatever with your friend."

"Gillian," he whispered, trying to explain.

"Cal... you decided to do it. He was trying to make you happy... and we'll admit it wasn't the best decision."

She looked at Terry and he nodded. "It wasn't."

"But you also made the decision... Cal... you can't blame it all on him."

Terry smiled, never seeing that logic.

"Wipe that fuckin' grin off your face," Cal hissed.

Terry did as asked and tightened his jaw. "I'm sorry, Cal."

"I guess I have to forgive you, huh?' Cal asked.

"Guess so," Terry whispered.

Gillian smiled as the old friends hugged and turned towards her. "Thank you so much, Gillian," Terry said.

"No problem." She smiled at Cal and said, "It's time to go home."

"Thank God... I've had enough happen here."

"We have to go NOW!" Emily yelled, barging into the room.

"Why? What happened?" Cal asked.

"I threw a strawberry at this fat old guy and I'm pretty sure he's gonna eat me!"

"Why the bloody hell would you do that, Em?" Cal asked angrily.

Emily smiled and shrugged. "It was funny, dad."

"I guess we better leave then." Cal smiled and looked at Terry. "We're good?"

"Definitely."

**A/N: Sorry for the CRAZY late update... I hope you've been keeping up with my other stories. I practically had to reread this story to know what was going on... tehe. Thanks for keeping up with me!**


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